Geeky DOOM movie review.

the rock smells something cookin'



saw it last night. This is a review from a former hardcore DOOM gamer. You've been warned. Basically let's start it off:

Acting

It's standard fare really. For action/popcorn movies I usually compare the acting ability with either "The Rock" or "Pirates of the Caribbean" since they have fairly entertaining acting. Well to say it's worst that those two gems, but it's not as bad as say....Gone in Sixty Seconds. Each character plays their stock parts well, most noticeable Portman who's just a slimy sumbitch. As mentioned before there are parts where the actors HAM IT THE FUCK UP. Why isn't because of their lack of ability...but the scene runs long. It just happens really and the gratuitous use of "fuck" as aggression and anger kinda gets aggravating when them emphasize it a bit too much. Just don't expecting to be quoting too much from this film.

Storyline

Hell is removed and mentioned only as a metaphor. It's hinted there is a battle between good and evil due to how the genetic mutation chooses who to infect. But nevertheless its basically the same premise behind Aliens...a special task force sent in to do something, but doesn't know the true reason for the mission.

Action/horror

I did jump a few times where it was pretty obvious I should have expected something, but hey it happens. The action builds up slowly. I thought it was alright because just too much action would bog it down. It's not paced in the best way (it ran long in some parts) but it's to each person's taste. The FPS (first person shooter, for you non gaming geeks) part is basically the money shot that people were waiting for.

FPS part

Surprisingly it does not suck. How they interpret "get into" FPS mode is great. You'd think they'd do it all the time where near the beginning the squad syncs up their cameras, but it doesn't happen until late into the film and it only happens once. It was done very well, as much as the FPS mode would allow, with no complaints here. Regardless of your expectations for something great....don't....it's like watching a monkey at a typewriter; it's not fucking Opera, but it's entertaining.

Monsters

The fight in the pit was pretty awesome as well with the FPS mode. But overall the monsters were pretty good. Sadly being genetic mutations, you could only have so many "humanoid" monsters. No spider demons here. What's a bit of a consistency issue as to how powerful these enemies are. At one point their are ripping heads off, and another then are just punching really hard.

Overall

As an adaptation: I'd place this film right along the same league with Resident Evil. It's not the greatest re telling because it could be a "film on it's own". But don't think of it as an adaptation in the vein of "based on a true story"....think of it is as a "inspired by events".

As a film: It's good. A tad long and drawn out in parts with some really tired and clichéd themes, but nevertheless what action film *doesn't* have that? Be warned...there is a LOT of sneaking in the dark and a few bad puns.

A revelation...um... again.

Okay, I'm a handsome, college educated professional with a successful job that I actually went to college for. I have a healthy relationship with my family and I know how to treat the woman I'm with and most importantly I'm extremely low maintenance with a above average self esteem (hello ladies ;) )

This is everything a woman could ever hope for isn't it?
WRONG. Not too long ago I discovered that a girl I dated awhile back found all these traits repulsive. Yeah, I was a little surprised, but after seeing who she is with now and what traits she DID find attractive, I took it as quite a compliment. I think it's quite funny to be honest. It reminds me what a friend of mine said a long time ago concerning my luck with women: "Only you would pick the ONE psycho bitch in a stadium full of normal women."

I'm not saying that this girl is a psycho or a bitch for that matter, but my friend did bring up a very good point: It Seems like I instinctively pick women with "issues" and every time I pick a normal woman, they end up moving out of the state or country.
I think some gypsy broad put a curse on me.

All the more reason to remain retired from the dating world until I can solve this little dilemma.

Animal movies and mp3 players

Okay, I was invited to see a film about animal intelligence at the vet campus and smiled at the thought of hearing the different perpectives and theories of students and professors alike, but more importantly, it would be a chance to learn something new.
Well when I got there, it was hardly the intellectual crowd I expected and the movie itself I had seen before on PBS or Discovery Channel or somewhere and it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know or heard of before. However there were a couple of interesting scenes, but for the most part, it was a struggle to stay awake. I think the only thing that saved me was my friend texting me every now and then.

After the movie I chatted with my friend who invited me to the movie and she has lost a lot of weight which was very impressive, even though she'll probably gain a lot of it back when she stops eating like a bird. Oh well, she'll figure it out eventually.

Afterwards I went to the gym and had pretty damn good work out and then I went over to my friend's place to pick up my free mp3 she promised me, but unfortunately that didn't happen. She was a bit distracted downloading all 4000 songs from her computer to her fancy new mp3 player.
I spent a good 4 hours waiting around, listening to her go on and on about how she loves her new mp3 player and all that, but she never got around to giving me her old player.
One bright spot was that we ate at IHOP, but that became an exercise in humiliation when I realized that I had forgotten my wallet and she had to pay for both of us.
Ugh... sad thing is, this is the second time that has happened, even though we're not dating, I'm sure the workers there think I'm the cheapest deadbeat of a boyfriend ever! So much for eating at IHOP again. Blah...

Oh well, she was still fun to hang out with even though I didn't get that mp3 player.

Okay, this is it.

I adore my girl. She's always there to pick me up when I'm feeling down. I call her up a couple times a night and she always stays on for as long as I need her. We go pretty much everywhere together. The first time we met it was like...whoa. And now...I can't imagine life without her.
She completes me, she is part of me. I've been denying this for so long, I thought I could supress these feelings I have for her, but I was only kidding myself. She is my one and only

I know you're probably reading this, baby so I'll say it even though I have no idea how you might feel or react....



sigh....



here it goes...










I love you, porn.

See you tonight.

My take on online dating.

I dwelled into the world of online dating about 2 years ago for the same reasons as most people, I guess: boredom, lack of time, laziness, etc and figured this would be the perfect alternative. I could talk to dozens of women, butt naked if I wanted to and not get arrested for it (again)! Sign me up!!

Well after doing the online dating thing off and on for about 2 years, I've determined that there were 3 types of women on there:

1. Lonely/desperate divorcee
Women who are suddenly thrust back into the world of dating because they can't imagine life without sharing it with someone.... ANYone. This usually leads them to warm up to anyone that gives them any kind of attention and they usually lower their standards to have anyone fill that void in their lives, thus they can be a bit clingy. This only leads to more pain and heartache as they are easy prey for the online predators who know exactly what to do and say to get in their good graces which doesn't take much. Once they are done with them, they are quickly discarded leaving the divorcee even more messed up than before. Needless to say, these types carry a LOT of baggage.


2. Confused/Rebound chicks
These women are usually in the middle of a break up with an off and on boyfriend, lacking the maturity to assess their situation and sort things out with their exes, they impulsively jump into the online dating world during this moment of confusion and usually get involved with the first person who "appreciates" them.
The motives vary. Some truly think that they are ready to move on with this new man in their lives, others have little or no feelings for the "new guy" and are just using them for the classic rebound relationship and/or make the ex jealous.
In either case, they are using the new guy as their emotional safety net since they can't bear the stigma of being alone until they "rediscover" feelings for their ex and thus ditch the new guy.
Again, a lot of baggage comes with this type.


3. Cheaters
Married and bored whores looking for some cock. Enough said.



The rarest type: An honest girl
A girl who means what she says. A girl with no strings or baggage or drama of any kind. A woman who knows what she wants and doesn't drag some poor unsuspecting slob into her twisted world of insanity.
I've heard stories of these types of women in the online personal world, but never encountered one. Personally, i think it's some kind of urban legend.

My conclusion about online dating is that, like the real world, people are full of shit and you should probably look elsewhere if you're looking for something real. However, if you're just looking to get laid by some messed up baggage laden chick then any of these three types should suit your needs adequately. It was an interesting 2 year experiment and I met a couple of cool people, but I decided it's just not for me.
You can have 'em! I'll just stick to the old fashion way... after I put on some clothes of course.