Memory Pill update (HA!! I remembered!)

As I'm sprawled out on the couch, bloated from all the christmas cheer and food and being amused at my nieces and nephews antics, I suddenly remembered the name of the memory pill I posted earlier. It's name is "Propranolol", this prompted me to get off my big ass and do a little online research and I rediscovered the article HERE. Yeah, this is some very interesting stuff and I look forward to the day people start abusing the hell out of this drug because I'm weird like that.

As for me, I subscribe the whole "growth is pain, pain is growth" philosophy so I'm not about to pop a pill ease the "trauma" of somebody ridiculing my sense of style, however, I could see how this would benefit people who really need it. Still it makes me wonder how many crimes, particularly sexual assaults will go unprosecuted because the victim popped one of these pills to forget.

oh well...

Merry Christmas... I guess.

This is a little christmas e-card I made in collaboration with a local music producer.
It took me about a three weeks to make (story, storyboards, design, animatics, animation,etc)but if I had my way it would've taken one week, but SOMEBODY couldn't make the deadline.


I wanted a more Burton/elfman score and ended up with dawson's creek... oh well.


ANYWAY, check out the card here---> CHRISTMAS E-CARD

The key to good mental health

What I don't get is why some people who see therapist insist on being stubborn assholes about it.I mean they DO realize that the person is getting paid by the hour don't they?
They aren't going to break down and cry because you condensend to them like you may do to a friend of loved one, they aren't going to get on their knees and beg you to talk to them like some weak willed spouse, in fact they are trained to be as emotionally detatched from you as possible otherwise they would go insane from listening to countless crybabies and nutcases.

No, they are there to determine what the fuck is wrong with you and take the steps necessary to help you get better and even if they don't find out what's wrong with you or you insist on being a douchebag, they are still going to cash in your check at the end of the day.

Personally I would handle things a bit differently. I mean obviously something is wrong enough with me to be talking to a shrink in the first place so I may as be as accomodating as I can.

Besides...I'm paying this quack 100 bucks an hour so you can bet your ass I'm gonna get my money's worth. I don't know about those other dumbasses but I can't afford to piss away thousands of dollars a week and even if I could, I wouldn't!
Saving money will be my prime motivation to get better as soon as possible.

I don't care what steps I would have to take. I'll spill every deep dark secret I ever had, I would tell the secrets of everyone I knew, hell, I would create an imaginary friend, make a whole bunch of secrets for him/her and tell them all to the counselor if it led to my recovery.

The sooner the therapist lady/dude can diagnosis my problem and tell me what I need to do or whatever pharmacuticals I need to start poppin', the sooner I can stop stuffing my hard earned money in their overpriced pockets.

That's why being a cheap ass is the key to mental health

Words of wisdom

When you meet someone who would give up absolutely everything to be with you...

take their wallet.

Why yes I am a WHORE.

I just opened up a new cafepress store to beta test some future t-shirt designs of mine before I invest the time and money to sell them on my own online store (whenever I have the time).
Normally, the thought of designing christmas shirts makes me wanna hurl, but if it has a somewhat mean spirited/funny twist to it, then I'm all for it! (inspired by my sister and Liz)

You can find the link to the store over on the right hand side where all the other links are. You can't miss it... it's the big ugly yellow box.

If that's too much for you to do then here's a LINK

That's it.

The doctor is back in.

Well I vowed never to do the Dr. Phil thing again, but I just couldn't help myself and gave some valuable relationship advice to a friend via IM:


[13:14] voodazzed: very cool. should be funny fun fun
[13:14] voodazzed: and I'll be sure to say that when I see you
[13:14] voodazzed: as you pretend not to know me
[13:14] ruhkel: ass
[13:17] voodazzed: oh like you don't love it!
[13:17] voodazzed: muwhahaa
[13:17] ruhkel: I so doooo
[13:18] ruhkel: i am going to tell you ahead
[13:18] ruhkel: he is a temptation to me...or have I already told you that?
[13:18] ruhkel: I think that i have
[13:18] voodazzed: yeah, yeah. what's the problem then?
[13:18] ruhkel: it has caused me to chicken out before
[13:18] ruhkel: other times it has been my crazy schedule.
[13:18] voodazzed: oh. you didn't tell me that
[13:19] ruhkel: but there was a time when I was afraid
[13:19] voodazzed: afraid of what?
[13:19] ruhkel: him
[13:19] voodazzed: ???
[13:19] voodazzed: what are you yappin about??
[13:19] ruhkel: yeah.. if there will be a connection...will I behave...
[13:19] ruhkel: all that jazz
[13:20] voodazzed: oh lord. This is one of those situations where you shouldn't think so much.
[13:20] voodazzed: you gotta put all that out of your mind
[13:20] voodazzed: take a chance, within reason of course.
[13:20] voodazzed: just go with the flow and have fun
[13:20] voodazzed: otherwise you'll be all uptight and he'll think you're a crazy woman.
[13:20] ruhkel: thats the problem...I would
[13:20] ruhkel: and I remember hearing you bitch about relationships that end in disaster whenever you did that "go with the flow" crap DESPITE the fact that i told it would end badly, but somebody didn't want to listen.
[13:20] voodazzed: haha! Good point, but living with the "what if" crap would've been worse.
[13:20] ruhkel: true. Especially if I had to hear you boo hoo about it.
[13:20] voodazzed: Shaddap... sometimes you gotta leave your security bubble
[13:20] ruhkel: thats not my nature regardless of the situation
[13:21] ruhkel: shut up
[13:21] voodazzed: the point is, you gotta stop thinking and start doing
[13:21] voodazzed: then you'll either say you should've done this a long time ago or curse yourself for trying at all
[13:21] voodazzed: it's all a coin toss
[13:21] voodazzed: can't be afraid of where it lands
[13:22] ruhkel: I agree
[13:22] voodazzed: dang... I'm full of advice today
[13:22] voodazzed: Seriously, it annoys me how much you're underestimating yourself. You've worked your ass off, got a great career and make more money than god and you were smart enough to do a pre nup and not have kids with your dumbass ex husband. Yet you're acting like a frightend little school girl with this dude.
[13:22] ruhkel: jezus, vin... don't hold back or anything.
[13:23] voodazzed: not in my nature, but seriously, I didn't get any bad vibes from the dude and he's a HELL of a lot better than your ex-hubby.
[13:24] ruhkel: that's not saying much.
[13:25] voodazzed: No shit. Dude was a douchebag.
[13:25] ruhkel: Try being married to him for three years.
[13:25] voodazzed: bleh. Anyway, you obviously like the guy and he likes you so you'd better put out before he loses interest.
[13:26] ruhkel: Excuse me??
[13:27] voodazzed: Oh sure, guys respect a woman who gives it up right away.
[13:27] ruhkel: Ha.Then I'd better remember to wear my hoochiest oufit on our next date.
[13:27] voodazzed: There ya go!
[13:28] ruhkel: you're such a scumbag.
[13:28] ruhkel: but really, thanks for the pep talk, vin.
[13:29] voodazzed: No problem. just gimme some money. 20 grand should do.
[13:29] ruhkel: check's in the mail
[13:29] ruhkel: uh oh. I just saw one of my employees smile so I'd better put a stop to that!
[13:29] voodazzed: Oh, god forbid! Kill them now!
[13:29] ruhkel: Yeah, yeah. Good talking with ya vin. later.
[13:29] voodazzed: cya

Ugggh, hopefully I won't make a habit of.... helping my friends and loved ones.... I have a reputation to think of.

I done fucked up.

I missed my chance to see Gwar last night! I knew they were coming to town, but I just forgot about it! I've always wanted to go to a Gwar concert and see Paris Hilton get brutally murdered on stage and be sprayed and covered with sticky gore as I laugh my ass off while they murder the devil.... oh good times good times and I had a chance to experience it first hand, but NOOOO! My dumb ass was too busy with other things to remember a once in a lifetime chance like that.

I ended up seeing Happy Feet with Liz and it was a surprisingly good movie... just not as good as seeing jesus whacking off on stage and ejaculating on everyone.

Mystery porn

I recieved a mysterious porn vid in the mail yesterday and I don't even remember ordering it. At first I thought it was a mistake, but my name was on the package. Was it a joke perhaps? I checked my bank statement and everything matched up.
So here I am with this porno wondering where the hell it came from, then I looked closer. It starred Nina Hartley who has always been a personal fave of mine plus it was really cheap, so that pretty much confirmed that I had indeed ordered it.

True I've been busy as hell lately and I tend to lose track of time every now and then, but this is a first. In all likelyhood it probably happened when I got incredibly shitfaced on some Basil Hayden. I had trouble forming complete sentences for a few days after that so it would make sense if I didn't remember ordering cheap ass porn. Oh well.... at least it wasn't hardcore, hairy midget transgendered anal goat porn... then I'd be a little worried about my uninhibited alter ego.

Take me home, West Virginia

That is the title of a song written by John Denver and a couple of other people. I've heard it a couple of times before and thought it was a pretty cool song, but didn't make much out of it.

I found out that this is actually an immensely popular song worldwide, particularly in Japan... friggin' JAPAN. How in the world did some mountain song about rural Western Virginia become so popular in the land of the rising sun is beyond me!
The juxtposition nearly makes my mind explode, but it's not just Japan, it's also big in europe as well. Italy, Germany, France, wherever... people know the song. I would say Canadians knew the song if they weren't filthy sub humans (Hi, Kat!)

Funny thing is, I learned is that most of these people have no idea that this is a real place.

oh crap... now the damn song is in my head now.


Here are the lyrics if you're interested... or a foreigner

Almost heaven, West Virginia,
Blue Ridge Mountains
Shenandoah River.
Life is old there,
Older than the trees,
Younger than the mountains
Growin' like a breeze.

CHORUS
Country roads, take me home
To the place where I belong:
West Virginia, mountain momma,
Take me home, country roads.

All my memories gathered 'round her,
Miner's lady, stranger to blue water.
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky,
Misty taste of moonshine,
Teardrop in my eye.

CHORUS
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong:
West Virginia, mountain momma,
Take me home, country roads.

I hear her voice, in the mornin' hour she calls me,
Radio reminds me of my home far away
And driving down the road I get a feeling
I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

CHORUS
Country roads, take me home
To the place where I belong:
West Virginia, mountain momma,
Take me home, country roads.

Memory pill

Scientists are developing a new drug that helps improve memory manipulating adrenaline. Apparently people seem to remember events more when they are under any kind of stress that triggers an andrenal reaction (fear, anger, pain, etc).

Well not only have the egg heads have figured out how to increase that adrenaline/memory link, they also claim to block memories as well by decreasing the adrenaline response.

Example; if someone had a really traumatic experience and are constantly haunted by memories of said event, all they would have to do is pop a few of these pills and soon that memory is rendered far less potent or eliminated altogether. Of course there is a certain time frame you have to take this drug before the memories become permanent.

This could possibly be a valuable tool in dealing with people who suffer from Alzheimer's or PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but of course some argue this is the first step to mind control while others fear it would be abused to treat mild crap like an embarassing day, a bad break up or whatever.

Personally I don't like the idea of someone messing with my noggin, but I find it fascinating all the same and it might make a great investment opportunity.



Now if I could only remember the name of the drug...



damn you, irony.

A very personal message to a "buddy" of mine.

You cannot reach me now
No matter how you try
Goodbye, cruel world, it's over
Walk on by.


Dedicated to my fat ass piece of shit lying , manipulating socialpath of a fucking FORMER co-worker who stole money from me with a goddamn smile on his bloated freakishly goofy ass face! He fucking STOLE money from me!!!

I've been cheated on, lied to, slapped in the face, had my name slandered, my genitalia insulted and my sexuality questioned and I've always let it slide because that's the kind of cool cat I am... but NOBODY fucking NOBODY steals my fucking money!! Those are grounds for an instant ass whoopin' with all the fury of an angry black man on PCP!!!
Despite all this, I was still professional enough to keep my rage in check and be nice to the fuck stick for a couple of more weeks after I was told of his actions because I needed to learn how to do a certain task that only he knew.

Fuckin' hell I felt so dirty talking to him, laughing with him, chatting it up like we were old buddies when in reality I wanted to murder him on the spot.
I also found out I was disturbingly good at putting on the "happy face" and manipulating him for my own selfish needs.... I felt just like a woman!

Anyway, I took GREAT pleasure in aiding in his termination when the time came and I wish nothing but ill on his miserable existence of a life. Seriously, I hope he dies... no metephor bullshit or symbolism, I mean actual DEATH. The end of life, the full cessation of vital funtions in a biological organism. Dead, buried, decaying in the most literal sense.

Fuck you and DIE, motherfucker!!


To all my friends and family, happy holidays and I love you all and not ALL women are selfish manipulative douchebags.

Hey, I had to balance out the hate somehow didn't I?

Steroid "guilt"

I met up with an old friend the other day. Now this is a pretty big guy I worked out with awhile back and he's also an admitted steroid user.

Anyway, we were talking about the manly practice of weightlifting and all that crap when he suddenly said something that surprised me. He told me that the reason he started using steroids was because of "guys like me".
When I told him to explain he said it always frustrated him that I seemed to gain muscle so much easier than him although because of my "superior genetics" while he busted his ass in the gym and saw little gain and that's when he decided that he needed an edge.

After laughing in his face for a minute or two, I reminded him that I also worked my ass off in the gym as well. In fact I got pretty annoyed by his accusation that I didn't have to work half as hard as him.
Also, this dude has a severe delusional image of himself. He was bigger than me before he started taking steroids and strong as hell. He has the perfect mesomorphic frame to build tons of muscle and ideal symmetry as well.
Of course now he's a monster, but I thought he actually looked better before he started juicing, but apparently he doesn't agree.

Anyway, that was about the time he asked me if I wanted to start a cycle and could hook me up with some top of the line shit.
I've always had mixed feelings about steroids in general.
On one hand, if used correctly they DO work and aren't half as dangerous as the media depicts it, although oral steroids cause more side effects than the injectable variety, most of the side effects can be minimalized or avoided if taken correctly, but that can be said with any other drug.


On the other hand, steroids is an extremely psychologically addictive drug. Makes sense... I'd imagine a long time steroid user quitting the juice would be like a SANE billionaire voluntarily giving up his fortune and living in a gutter somewhere.

It's also a very expensive "hobby" as well and I can think of other things to blow my money on... like some tasty hot flavored fried squid, not that I finally found a supplier! Yaaaaay!!

Still... I'm a pretty strong guy, but every now and then I wonder how much bigger and stronger I could be if I going to the "darkside".... eh... maybe not, but if I ever change my mind it's nice to see that I now have a hook up.

My head hurts. I think my brain is dying.

Random story

One time in college I found a bra in front of my door that was a 36 double D! I deduced that some chick got the dorm rooms mixed up while doing laundry and dropped it in front of my door. I held on to that thing for 2 months hoping one day the owner would come a knockin' on my door and then I'd lay on my irresistable charm. Sadly no mammary enhanced chick ever knocked on my door and I ended up using the bra as my drunk hat during parties.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Once again happy birthday to my good friend Cheryl. She turned the big 29 today..... AGAIN! Have a good 'un, girl!

It is done.

Well I've officially exercised my right as an 'merican and voted. Now I can bitch about people not giving a damn about my country without feeling like a two faced weasel.

If you are also an 'merican, I suggest you get off your ass and vote, cuz freedom isn't free, it costs a buck 'o five!

USA!!!

Fucking Kerry

nice

Where does John Kerry get off saying the everyone in the US military is a bunch of dumbasses?
That simply isn't true.

The United States military is the most technologically advanced in the world. I seriously doubt a bunch of brain dead yokels would be able to operate and maintain the sophisticated equipment they use everyday.

Sure the government actively goes after the poorer members of society and dangle some pretty enticing financial insentives to get them to join the military, but that doesn't neccessarily mean they're stupid.
Most people join to earn money for college or learn a skill to better themselves since the public schools they attended probably didn't do shit for them.

I myself know a few people in the armed forces and I wouldn't call most of them stupid. They are just as motivated and driven and some college shmuck and I have all the respect in the world for them.
Yeah, it's easy to turn your nose up at these people and automatically label them as "dumb" just because they grew up in a poor neighborhood and aren't college educated, but they can learn a hell of a lot more in the military than some pampered college puke.

Then of course there are the ones I know who aren't that bright... in fact you might say they are stupid, ignorant, and devoid of any kind of common sense. These are usually the ones you hear about accidenly shooting themselves or getting run over by their own tanks. able to shoot a gun. At least they learned how to shoot a gun.

Fortunately the dumb ones are in the minority because if they weren't we would have an army full of high tech toys rusting in the desert because nobody would know how to work them.

Maybe Kerry should have thought about that before making his own dumb ass comment. Now the pussy is trying to back track and say it was just a "botched joke" when the day before he refused to apologize for anything he said. I mean come on! He can at LEAST have the balls to stand by his opinion no matter how ridiculous it may be, but alas, he's a politician... that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Mmmm... I am soooo loving the fried squid!

Mmmm... fried squid.

I've developed a strange craving ever since returing from my trip overseas... Fried squid! I swear them japanese have some rather tasty snacks.

Ah, the 1990s

What can I say about the 90s? Hmm.... let's start off by saying:

-fashion was horrible, especially for girls (grunge and neon spandex anyone?)

-comic books sucked so bad the whole industry crashed

-the overall culture was permeated by this mtv crap

-the internet was slow as hell

-television for the most part sucked

-music was mediocre and was the age of one hit wonders

-apart from the emergence of indie films and the year 1999, movies basically blew

-Politics were in the complete shitter thanks to the rethuglican revolution of 94

-Bosnia, Somalia, Rwanda...things weren't pretty

-AIDS kept killing people and was still mostly ignored until magic johnson got the ball rolling

-Fucking pogs and beanie babies were consuming people's souls.

-The fucking Macarena

-Bill Clinton

-OJ Simpson

Well I guess there were some bright spots:

-This was a great time if you were a gamer. There were about eight different consoles you could buy before Sony and Nintendo dominated everything.

-I remember there being some decent cartoons that you didn't have to subscribe to fucking cable to see.

-Napster was a godsend to people like me who don't see the point of paying 20 bucks for one cd when I could download 1000 songs for free.

-No terror alerts

-No Homeland Security

-You could still bring liquids on a plane.

-"The Real World" was the only reality show on tv.

- Illegal immigrants were treated like illegal immigrants.

-No one ever heard of Radical-Islam

-Paris Hilton's hideous std ridden face wasn't on every channel, magazine and website.

-Madonna was ALMOST attractive.

-9-11 was just another day.

The perfect bank robbery

I was thinking of pulling off the perfect bank heist one day for no particular reason and I came up with the perfect solution: duct tape a bunch of babies on you! There is no way cops would shoot you or tackle you if you had screaming baby armor all over you.
If a few should get taken out, who cares because babies suck!

Fucking Fox News rant

There's a difference between persuasion and intentional deception. There's a difference between journalistic integrity and political stoogery. Fox news is really crossing the line, how can they even call themselves the news anymore? It's truly infuriating to me that they are allowed to outright lie to the public and manipulate them just to try to save face for the republicans in front of the American people.

Why can't anyone do anything to stop these scum bags? Yes I know that the "democrats" are just as bad, but I'll get to that later

This is how far fox news has gone to spin a issue. To go as far as to try to make a republican congressman who was found out to be a pedophile seem like he's now a democrat, and make it seem like the democrats somehow did something wrong:
http://www.newshounds.us/ssFoley_D_FL_sjihbo.jpg
http://images.dailykos.com/images/us...ox_Foley_3.jpg

What the fuck is that?? Do they really think the public is so stupid that they just forgot that the guy was a republican? Maybe it was just a slip up with the captioning, but somehow I doubt it.


I am not a democrat in case you're wondering... I try to look at issues unbiasedly, I'm not trying to get anyone to switch over, but seriously what the fuck is wrong with fox?! It's truly maddening that they are allowed to call such biased partizan hackery the news.

As for the democrats, I'm not a big fan of theirs either, in fact I find myself having more and more conservative views about certain issues, but that doesn't make me a republican.
What I despise about the liberals is their treatment of minorities in general, particularly the black community. For decades they've depicted themselves as the champions for black people when in fact, the complete opposite is true.

The only damn thing they care about is keeping black people to vote democratic and how do they do this? By keeping them poor and dumb and completely dependent on the dems to survive.
The first thing they do is restrict funding to inner city schools so they'll get a sub standard education and no education means shitty jobs and that usually means living in poverty, but WAIT! Here come the Democrats with welfare checks for everyone because one thing that the liberals don't want is to have their blue chip voting block do anything for themselves, because god forbid they should discover their true agenda! That's why you gotta keep 'em poor and dumb while painting the republicans as "the great oppressor."

Hell now they've found an even bigger voting block: ILLEGAL ALIENS! Yes, I called them illegal aliens because to me a true immigrant is someone who comes into a country LEGALLY.
That's why they want to give a free pass to anyone willing to jump the border AND give them the right to vote... democratic of course so once again they don the mantle of the "peoples' champion" and stick them in shitty schools and shittier neighborhoods and continue passing out the welfare checks because why the fuck should they care how they live as long as they get their vote.

Again, I have no love for republicans, but at least they are more straight forward with their agenda (well as straight forward as a political party can get anyway).

Fuck both parties... who says I have to be one or the other? If I HAD to be labeled I guess I would be a conservative liberal or maybe a liberal conservative, I don't know, it depends on the issue I guess.

Sheesh, that rant went everywhere... I'll just listen to the BBC for my news for now on... I just love them british accents!

Why smokers suck

I just cannot understand in this day and age why people continue to smoke.
It's a vile, disgusting, annoying, dirty and pretty stupid looking "habit".
With all the statistics, charts and scientific researh we are constantly bombarded with about the potentionally life threatening effects smoking has on our health, there shouldn't be any smokers left, yet there are.... millions of them in fact with thousands more joining up each day.

I could understand this dumbass mentality back in the 40s or 50s when people didn't know about the dangers of smoking, in fact they were led to believe that smoking was GOOD for you!
Even though there was no public awareness about the risks smoking posed back then, you would think that common sense would still have a say in the matter. How can anyone actually believe that inhaling a foul smelling plant that made your mouth smell and taste like ash and gave you the occassional coughing fit could actually be good for you??

Of course everyone knows about the addictive nature of cigarettes, including the smokers themselves, but good luck finding one that will actually admit that they are a drug addict. No, instead they'll come up with some other implausibly lame ass excuse on why they "choose" to smoke. I guess they believe that since they aren't injecting or snorting their drug of choice and it doesn't come in rock form, that puts them one step above the "real" drug addicts.
That reasoning is about as ridiculous as people who believe pot isn't a "bad" drug since it comes from nature...but that's a different rant for another day... I think I've already ranted about that... I don't remember.
Anyway, the only time a smoker actually admits they MIGHT have a problem is when they are on their deathbeds, riddled with cancer and hooked to a respirator, but they'll still gladly suck down a cigarette with the same voracity of any jonsing meth-head.

Also, smokers slow everything down. How many times have you had to wait on somebody because they needed to take a smoke break? So you have to wait around, twidling your thumbs while your little addict friend gets their fix, thinking they look cool and sophisticated when it's pretty much the exact opposite. There is nothing glamorous about smoking at all!
Oh, except in those movies where some action hero dude flicks his cigarette at a gasoline covered bad guy and causes a big ol' fireball that chases the hero dude down a hallway and he crashes through a window! Not that's pretty cool!

In real life however, when some dumbass flicks their cigs out on the street they just look like inconsiderate douchebag litter bugs. Oh yeah, nothing is sexier than seeing somebody litter the street with their cancer sticks.

I'm done now.

A rant about another douchetard

So I'm watching "Do the right thing" by Spike Lee and while watching this trainwreak I just asking myself, why is Spike Lee like that?

Was he strapped in a chair Robot Chicken-style and forced to listen to racial slurs for a month? I feel like he's fooled us into thinking he makes good movies just because they are racially charged. I might just be too angry to comprehend his genius because of the nonsense that went down in this movie.

One example is when that dude with the dreadlocks got pissed that the Italian owner of the Italian restaurant only had pictures of Italian hall of famers on the walls and no black stars. Nobody's that dumb. He was decked out in 80's African heritage wear and was literally forcing the owner to compromise his cultural identity. Don't tell me that this was Spike Lee's intention because I know; that's one of the reasons for this rant. It seems easy to make a hate-filled mess and then pass it off as positive since it was sprinkled here and there with notions of peace and racial harmony. It's like he takes a normal situation and adds some extra hate and gets paid.

I then recalled how I just don't like Spike Lee. Has he ever made a movie that wasn't about race? Can he? And he just seems like a condescending smartass. His latest movie"Inside Job" which I thought was going to be his first movie that doesn't get into the race issue, eventually does have an incredibly forced racial moment that to me, just slows down the movie. It's like he's "reminding" us that racism is still out there so he sticks it in random parts of the movie... such a shame.

Anyway, back to "Do the right thing" the chracter he was playing was acting like the straight man and then suddenly he breaks character when he sparks a riot which results in the restaurant(where he works) burning down and he still expects to get his week's pay.
If I were the owner I would've shot his goofy race baiting ass on the spot. Some douchebag employee burns down my business and demands to get paid??? Fuck that!

Spike Lee comes off as a very bitter, very hateful human being and he's just as racist as the people he screams racism on. I'm not judging him by his movies, but by various interviews. His arguments make no sense and whenever someone disagrees with him he just keeps spouting off the same old tired crap and ends up sounding like a moron.
It's a shame really. He has the potential to be so much more.

A rather surprising discovery

It doesn't matter who it is, what religion you're in, how old you are, what your status in life is, you watch porn.
Man, a guy I thought who would NEVER watch porn, a guy actually watches a crap load of porn.

This dude has always been Mr. Goody two shoe, always loyal to his wife and would rather tear out his own testicles than even glance at another chick.
Well I thought that was him until I found the files on his computer while browsing his mp3 list.
He had dozens of movies downloaded and about 60 or so sites on his favorites list! How funny!


At least he has good taste though, I mean some of those sites are on my favorites list as well!
I've never made it a secret that I dig da porn... hell, I keep my porn on my desktop for all the world to see! I don't give a damn because I've said it before and I'll say it again: PORNOGRAPY IS WONDERFUL!!

Random Dumb or weird things I do

Whenever I pay with something with my card I always say "thank you" to the cashier when they hand it back to me. Why the hell would I thank them?? It's MY CARD, of course they're going to give it back to me and yet I always thank them for it.


At the movies when the ticket dude tells me to enjoy the movie I have to stop myself from saying "you too". Sometimes I don't stop myself in time and I end up sounding like a tard.

I see a cool t-shirt design or clever phrase that some chick is wearing and I'm so focused on the artwork or reading the phrase, I don't notice that I'm staring a hole in her chest. What's worse is that the girl is a D-cup and 13 years old so naturally I'm giving off the ol' pedophile vibe that can be detected in Antartica.

Sometimes I mistake my flashlight for my cell phone.

During the week, my diet is so strict I have to psyche myself up just to eat the very healthy and somewhat bland food.

My farts sound like someone clapping.

A random IM conversation

Here's part of a conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day. For some reason I thought it was rather funny.

[12:06] kineticas: do you see my future wife in my icon thingy?
[12:06] neonfractals: who is that?
[12:06] kineticas: Rosario mutha fuckin' Dawson, foo!
[12:06] neonfractals: oohhhhh
[12:06] neonfractals: yeah good god
[12:06] neonfractals: she's amazazazing
[12:06] kineticas: I would wreck her
[12:07] neonfractals: hahahaha
[12:07] kineticas: I'm talking Flight 93 wreckage here
[12:07] neonfractals: bahahaha
[12:07] neonfractals: i love it
[12:07] kineticas: she'll be a smoking crater when I done with her. no survivors
[12:08] neonfractals: speckling the canyon?
[12:08] kineticas: more like flooding
[12:08] neonfractals: hahahaha

How odd

a man among men

So yeah, the Croc Hunter is dead. Normally I don't give a damn when some celebrity dies, but in this case I was actually surprised by my reaction upon learning of his death. I actually felt a sense of "loss". He was like that really cool person that you didn't really know or hang out with but their presence nevertheless left an undeniable impression on you.
Unlike other celebs who were fake as hell, you could tell that he was really just being himself and I liked that. Also, he was kind of a dork and he made know apologies for it and I can definitely relate to that.

Sheesh, I didn't even blink when I heard that princess Diana whatshername got killed while the rest of the world was in a "state of mourning" and for what?? What the fuck did that bitch do? She was nothing more but a spoiled, rich, pill popping, nutbag and the hardest part of her life was picking the cutest 10,000 dollar dress for one of the hundreds of lame ass social events she seemed to attend on a regular.
Oh wait... she raised awareness about kids getting their legs blown off by landmines in countries that nobody gives a fuck about anyway... whoaaaaaa! What a fucking humanitarian... I sure she got some kind of compensation for her "work".

Steve fucking Irwin wrestled giant crocidiles and poisoness snakes for god's sake and every dime he made went right back into his passion of raising awareness of wildlife conservation. He never bitched, he never whined and he sure as hell didn't spend his money on the latest designer clothes, jewelery or some other materialistic status symbol like those other douchebag phonies.

I think it's fitting that after smacking around the world's most dangerous animals he gets taken out by the "harmless" stingray because most legendary bad asses usually go out like that... just look at Samson, John Henry and Achilles.

I know the whole line "He died doing what he loved" has been soooooo overused in this case, but it's true! He really did! I hope I'm that lucky, although I doubt my death will be as kick ass as his!

A potential new roomie

Found out yesterday that I may have some company this weekend. I have a friend who lives in South Carolina and I agreed that she could crash at my place in case she's forced to leave because of the hurricane.
Anja is a cool chick from germany who has an unnatural love affair with her mint condition 1992 MR2.
Sigh... the things I do for a friend.

I like food

ah, if I wasn't addicted to a healthy lifestyle of eating right and exercise or if I only had a few months to live....my dream diet would be this:

-various italian foods(pizza, calzones[same damn thing isn't it?], lasagna, and spaghetti, and fettuchini alfredo...with garlic bread on the side)

-cheeseburgers(Fuddruckers of course. occasional swap out to Wendy's or preferrably Backyard Burger for "variety") with fries.

-chicken; baked or fried, or grilled, or grilled in a sandwich on pita bread, etc. For fast food chicken: Bojangles or Popeye's. They don't have popeye's around here and no, I don't care if I'm living the racial stereotype of all blacks love fried chicken. It tastes good dammit!
I fucking hate watermelon though.

-kroger's Peanut Butter Passion ice cream.
-grilled cheese sandwiches.
-macaronni/cheese, homestyle only of course.
-pecan pies
-waffles and pancakes with honey or butter pecan syrup...with hillshire farms smoked sausage, or bacon, or sausage links.
-banana nut muffins.
oatmeal pecan cookies.
pound cake.
apple cobbler
Arby's roast beef sandwich with curly fries.
chocolate milk.
chocolate chip cookies
steak with A-1 sauce.
mozzerella cheese sticks / Lil' Caesar's Cheezy Breads.

Though I may eat like a pig it doesn't mean I'll just lie bed and become the new 1200 pound man, I would still go out and enjoy life especially if I only had a few months to live.

This turned out to be a longer list than I thought...but there it is....these are all the foods I love most. I could definitely enjoy a lifetime of ONLY these foods or until I succumbed to a diabetic induced coma. That's cool though, I'll just request in my will that all these foods be liquified and put in my food tube.
I'll be one happy fat ass vegetable.
__________________

Stupid things that freak me out

Those big eyed, dark eyed gray type of aliens commonly seen on shows like Sightings, Unsolved Mysteries, and whatever else. Those fuckers always gave me the creeps, especially when they're sticking their damn probes up somebody's pooper

Then there was the intro for that old show Tales from the Darkside. I found it interesting that nothing in the show was as scary as the intro except that episode when the little girl's teddy bear came to life and ate the family.

Oh yeah, there was those "last known photos" of missing/presumed dead people on Unsolved Mysteries. Somehow, those last known photos usually looked quite disturbing, I dunno why... maybe they had a death aura around them that gave me the heebie jeebies if you believe in that sort of thing.

I also didn't like to see people in dark rooms with their faces blurred out to conceal identity...something about that was also "nightmare fuel". (*it was even worse if they added voice distortion. Great, now you've made it look like a DEMON of darkness with no face is sitting right there in the chair in some interview....yeah, that's nice for a 10 year old in the 80s to see.)

Nothing else I've seen on tv compares to those things.

Oh boo hoo for me.

I was at the store the other day doing the grocery shopping thing and I noticed a girl wearing a really tight gym outfit... I mean this thing was painted on and yes, she did have a great body. It was obvioius she paind her dues in the gym to attain such a physique.
Anyway, when I saw this chick walking by me I didn't look at her like a piece of meat like most guys would... no, I looked at her with envy. I was envious because my recent injury prevents me from doing any kind of weight lifting and limited cardio for two weeks! TWO WEEKS!! That's a freakin' eternity!!
Meanwhile this chica is prancing around in her sports bra, and super fit body while my crippled ass slowly turns into a mound of goo.

I hope a plane full of snakes falls on her.

SNAKES ON A PLANE

thought it was another kind of black snake

Man, I've been waiting for this movie forEVER! I mean, how can you not want to see a movie that expresses three of people's greatest fears?

You've got a plane (fear of flying), you've got snakes and you've got an angry black man with a gun!

Put all these elements together and you've got a sure fire blockbuster I tells ya! People will be talking about this movie for decades to come! Yaaaaaaaaaay!
See ya opening night!

MVP

Just thought I'd give a shout out to my new nephew Michael Vincent Pasto (MVP) who was born on August the 8th.
It's about time my sis crapped out a strapping young lad for a change.

Of course I'll be avoiding him like the plague until he grows out of his helpless screaming newborn infant phase... yeah... I believe I'll become part of his life when he's around five or something.... maybe six.

A funny thing happened at da gym last night...

this dude was working out with his girlfriend, (I see them there all the time,) anyway, they were doing some barbell shrugs and eventually the dude decides he's going to try to shrug 405 pounds. Now keep in mind this guy isn't small, but he isn't huge by any means and certainly not big enough to lift this kind of weight.

Well obviously, the girlfriend was thinking the same thing because while he was putting on the plates, she had this "oh my god, he's going to kill himself" look the entire time. In fact she asked him if he was sure about his actions.

Well I guess dude took it as motivation as he got set to lift the weight. I was mildly impressed when he actually got it off the bar and wondered if he actually is strong enough to shrug the weight after all. Well, that thought quickly went out of my noggin when he began jerking the barbell up like some kind of wounded bird with a bad case of palsy while making some kind of weird gurgling grunting sound. There was almost zero range of motion and I think half the gym was waiting for him to rip his arms out of their sockets.
He did about 4 "reps" as his girlfriend cringed with each spastic gesture.
When dude was done he asked her how he looked (I'm assuming he meant his form) and she just responded with "painful".

I kinda chuckled at her response and continued lifting my own humble weight.

Can't wait to see what kind of other wacky hijinks happen at my gym tonight.

Laughing at inappropiate things

I was just thinking...a good "funny death" would be a situation where someone gets the classic pie in the face....then they fall over dead, as it's later found that the pie had cyanide or arsenic or some other poison in it. Turns out the clown that did it was a homicidal clown..the Silly Serial Killer, if you will. There have been lots of creative serial killers in history....why has no one used a cartoon theme? It would be quite entertaining... it even promted me to draw what said clown might look like. The cartoon is coming soon!

Anyway, that's the random thought that sparked this post....things we aren't supposed to laugh at. There's something I just don't like about the whole situation of pretending something isn't completely hilarious. For instance...you know good and damn well that the visual of someone falling down some stairs is a laugh riot. It's only "not funny" when it's happening to you, of course....or someone you actually care about. When I was a kid, the visual of someone falling always cracked me up, even if it was family...I didn't care, that shit was funny...especially if they were in the middle of talking before they fell. Dudes getting kicked in the balls... that always gets me too.


Chicks getting hit in the face. Though I would never physically hit a woman, unless she was trying to cut off my balls, the sight of one getting the dog shit punched out of her always leaves me in tears!
I remember when I was in high school I saw some couple having some dispute and all that crap when suddenly the chick lunges at him with a fucking knife. Dude reared back and punched her full force square in the nose! He had obviously broken it because you could hear the snapping sound a block away!
That wasn't the funniest part though, the funniest part was when she just stood there looking at the blood streaming out of her nose and then looks at him in shock and gives him that "I can't believe you hit me, I'm a girl" look! The she just sits down with the same shocked look on her face!
I guess I think that sort of thing is funny because you never expect it and in this case the man was completely justified, knocking her block off.

Domestic violence in general makes me laugh, too as long as it's not happening to anyone I care about. I never get sick of seeing domestic dispute number 34985098750033 on COPS. It always reminds you why they call those white tank-tops wife beaters.
I just love the way the dumbasses keep fighting like the cops aren't even there and it usually ends up with the dude getting dog piled or tazered which sends me into convulsions from laughing so damn hard. It's even funnier when the meth head loud mouth chick gets tasered and she's flipping and flopping and screaming like a fraggin' banshee. Yeah, she doesn't look so tough now with 50,000 volts going through her!



Rescue 911...that show was a gold mine of comedic chaos...
-the kid that blew his hand up with an m80. (I have it on tape somewhere)
-the girl that fell off a step ladder, and busted her arms on a window.
-a kid jumped in front of his grandma's lawnmower at the last second and tried to jump back....haha..he didn't jump away in time.
-Legendary: this one kid and his friends playing with fire. Kid brings out the gasoline...and begins to pour it on the smoldering area. The other kids' can sense this is about to go horribly wrong...and you see them slowly backing away...kid pours one little bit, *WHOOSH* dude instantly looks like the human torch. I was seriously in tears from laughing at this.

-there was another kid that went up in flames up in a treehouse. He uttered these great last words before the screaming began: "...hey my back feels warm..." Ah, the memories...if they put out Rescue 911 on dvd collections, I'd buy all seasons immediately.

Bitch versus Cunt

Bitch may have been harsh in the 70s or early 80s...but it just started to decline during the 90s. Now everyone says it...people even say it to inanimate objects that piss them off, or just "son of a bitch!" if they accidentally hurt themselves...songs have had it in the title...etc. etc.....overuse has diluted the stigma that word once had.
Bitch has lost it's power. There are some females who use the word in an empowering way... Queen Bitch, Awesome Bitch, Super Bitch etc. It's like being called a bitch is a good thing. I think I remember bitch used to be beeped out in TV/Radio. Now it's become such over-used word like "The".

Cunt is still sharp and verbally powerful. It is a beautiful expression of anger and hatred. I've never said it to a chick's face though, heh. I probably would've back in junior high if that word was an integral part of my vocabulary at the time. "Bitch" was still somewhat powerful and directly tied to angry reactions...so I screamed "BITCH" in that bitch's face instead. Actually, I can't even remember if I screamed bitch or "fuck you".... all I know is that I spent some quality time in detention for whatever I said. Hell, I remember coming very close to being suspended...that seems like so long ago now.
I wonder if kids would get in half as much trouble for saying "bitch" nowadays.

It makes me wonder if cunt will replace bitch as the ultimate insult to women. I can't think of any other word that still has the same effect. Sheesh, even words like "slut" and "whore" seem to be losing their effectivness.

Oh well, as I said, even I haven't called a chick a cunt (to her face anyway). Besides, only 10 year olds and unimaginative dumbasses resort to this kind of name calling. There are so many other ways to insult women that are timeless and universal and much more effective which is a good thing because it is only a matter of time when the supreme insult word to women is worn proudly on tight fitting t-shirts.

Giddy as a school girl

Been a long time since I felt like this, but I'm loving the new gym a lot even though I still think it looks extremely guy from a designer's point of view, I can't argue about the equipment and accessability. It's such a nice change of scenary and I find myself there almost everyday which is good because I start a new brutal workout program next week. Should be fun.

Why are school girls always giddy anway? I think it's meth myself.

Everyone has a price.

You know I used to consider myself a real money whore. I thought that there was nothing I wouldn't do for a say a cool 5 million or so because everyone after all has their price right?

Well not exactly. As I was walking to my car I saw a dead pigeon with guts splattered on the sidewalk and maggots squirming out of its eyes, and I thought to myself, "You could not pay me to eat that bird".

So I guess I'm not such a big nasty money whore after all.

Little things I've noticed over the years.

-Every girl named Brandy (no matter the spelling) is a complete and utter fucking whore.

-Chicks who are "born again" are a guaranteed lay.

-Women that say they want a relationship and not sex always put out faster.

-karma doesnt exist, there will always be good days and there will be bad days, so everytime I have a bad day its not because I did something bad, its because the day just sucks. There is no such thing as bad luck, only bad situations and situations always have a solution.


-Chicks that talk about sex all the time don't really want to fuck that much, and/or are terrible lays.


-Being a single father does NOT assist you in getting laid.

-Most people are too much of a pussy to tell you when you have offended them, thus will talk shit about you behind your back instead of just talking politely to you about it.


-Men aren't as clueless as women think.


-Women aren't as trusting as men think.


-Guys named Joe look like child molestors.



-Guys named Ryan are invariably fucking morons.



-some people don't wash their hands after they go to the bathroom, even though there are signs saying "wash your hands".



-Everything that gives you cancer/heart disease/makes you die before you're 40/etc. tastes great/feels great/is so much more satisfying than being "healthy".



-Most Chrysler Sebrings and Dodge Stratuses are driven by chicks, 99% of the time.


-The same tv stations that ban nudity on their programming have no problem showing a 2 hour National Geographic special of nothing but naked boobs and shlongs flopping everywhere.



-When you give someone the benefit of the doubt and they've done nothing to earn it, it WILL bite you in the ass later.



-Most of the Athiests I've known, preach more than Christians.


-Girlfriends that insult or don't like your friends usually aren't worth keeping around.


-People find it hard to believe that black people can become successful outside the world of athletics and entertainment.



-Just when you think someone cannot possibly be any dumber, you can bet your ass they will prove you wrong each and every time.


-Krystal's sells good hamburgers, if the equivalent of a "good hamburger" has been changed to an almost non-existant piece of beef being over-cooked put on buns stuck up an old-person's butt cheeks and then dipped in hot dog water.


-There are no more kids named Larry.


-When your friends and family say that a boyfriend/girlfriend is a piece of shit, they're usually right.


-9 out of 10 times you don't listen to said friends and family.


-People don't care if you walk into the grocery store in swim trunks. Do it in boxers though, and it turns into an issue.

-Racism is alive and well, just cleverly hidden.


-Women LOVE talking about themselves.

-People who are book smart tend be the dumbest people on the planet

__________________

Something I don't get

What's the appeal of chewing tobacco? Are these nasty motherfuckers so strung out that they can't be pressed to suck in their fix through a filter, that they have to fuck up their gums by gnawing on some ground up tobacco (and/or whatver shit they add in it) and sucking on the juice, then spitting it back out wherever they please?

Nothing really sexy about it. You don't see any "Celebrity Chaw" magazines with Toby Keith on the cover with a handful of Redman and a big old tobacco-filled smile, with a little bit of the juice dribbling down his chin...


Yes, I know who Toby Keith is.

Wasting money

Why do people spend so much money on really stupid things?
Here's a quick list that comes to mind:

Sports apparel. You take a $4 polo shirt, slap a team logo on it, and all of a sudden it's $20. Or how about $100 jerseys? Authenticated? Even more! I guess those athletes with the million dollar salaries have to be paid somehow.
Don't get me started about the shoes that seem to get uglier each year.

Gas. They jack up the price because they know you're going to pay anyway. No one's gonna trade in their SUV for a bus pass.

Women. She's gonna decide on her own if she wants to sleep with you or not, and no amount of money you blow on a date is gonna change that. ...Unless she's a prostitute.

College books. What the hell is with the fucking $100-150 dollar books that could be easily replaced by a pdf?

Limited edition. Slap on a LE name, add like something that should only cost like $0.50 to $2 to make and add fucking $50 to the price tag. How many times has a fucking shitty ass t-shirt or a crappy figure added like $20-30 dollars to a dvd? Add in like some extra video footage that was cut from the original because it sucked anyway, and you're taking in the ass with a sand paper condom.

Ipods... what is up with the price of these things? You can get the same damn thing from another brand and easily save a hundred or so bucks!

Electronics. Why do people spend thousands of dollars on the latest gizmos that will be half price in a year?

The AXE effect

More like the ASS effect. I swear this is the worst smelling shit I have ever encountered!

Those commercials that depict all those women going crazy like sex starved whores after getting a whiff of this shit should be ashamed. Personally I would be frightened of any woman who found this rotten dog jizz to be irresistable because obviously she has some fucked up mental problems.
The only thing this crap would attract are roaches and rats looking for some rancid garbage to feast on.


To make matters worse I know this one dude who practically bathes in this shit. My god, you can smell this asshole half a block away!
What makes it even worse is that this dude obviously puts this shit on to hide his rancid B.O., but guess what? It ain't working! He smells like a combination of a dead hobo and an overworked street whore, the funk just punches you in the face and threatens to beat up your mama, but I'm sure in his own little world he thinks the ladies find him irresistable and is just bracing himself for the waves of uncontrollable, horny sluts who are ever so willing to tear his clothes off and sex him up real good.

Ugh... I can almost smell it now. *puke*

Thoughts that occur to me when my brain dies.

So I was listening to that old ass song "You're so vain" by that Carly Simon chick who seems to have about a billion teeth in her mouth and she keeps going on and on about how some dude who obviously dumped her toothy as was so incredibly vain that he would assume that the song was about him.

Well obviously it is since she keeps going on and on about him and we are supposed to be led to believe that it's not about him??
Come the fuck on!

Personally I'd never give any chick who dumped the satisfaction of writing a song about her no matter how nasty it might be.

Then again, if it makes me millions of bucks I would put my manly male pride in the backseat just this once.
I'll make it up to myself by buying something really expensive or something.

blah.

Funny joke.

Friend of mine emailed me this joke which I thought was hilarious.
It may or may not be old, but I don't care!


A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him saying hello. He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "Do you know me?" to which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?"

She said, "No, I'm your son's Math Teacher."

Thanks a lot, Doc.

Okay, I was watching the Discovery Health channel (aka: the freak channel) and there was this story about some little kid who got ran over by some douchebag and he had actually suffered an internal decapitation! Basically his skull had seperated from his spinal cord, but his head remained attached!
The fucked up thing is that this kid was still alive!

So the docs decided they were going to try to save the kid's life and stick his head back on him. They succeed, but then they were afraid he would be paralyzed from the neck down. Well to everyone's amazement the kid had regained his ability to walk and pulled through. It's a miracle!!!

Or is it?

True the kid was walking, but he is still fucked up looking. I guess "walking" is a poor choice of words here... more like wobbling. Plus one of his arms are completely useless and just dangled from side to side like a dead fish, plus he has this contraption on his neck that I assume helps him breathe as well as keep is head on.

That brings up a question on how far a doc should go to save someone's life. So they saved some random guy's life, but he can never walk, talk, breathe on his own, etc for the rest of his life. His life will be full of constant pain and misery.
Would the doctors still consider this a success?

Personally if I were the patient I wouldn't be so freaking grateful to them for saving my life. "Gee thank you, doctor for condeming me to a living death!"
Normally, I'd kick their asses, but since I would probably be paralyzed or otherwise too messed up to carry out the threat, i would give them a REALLY mean look... if I had control of my facial muscles that is.

You think Christopher Reeve was thankful when he woke up as a living corpse? I don't think so.

Nope, I would rather take a dirt nap than to go on living like that.
Save your "miracles" for someone else, doc.

Bad idea

I'm starting to think that it was a mistake telling my friend's mother that I always found her quite boinkable while growing up.
It wasn't like I was putting the moves on her, and I didn't say that I still found her bangable since she's clearly hit the wall since then, but despite her initial surprise, she did begin to laugh about it.
I'm sure it took her mind off her recently departed husband for awhile.

He was a douchebag anyway.

Words of wisdom.

"Get a job you love and you'll never work a day of your life."

I always thought that was unwashed hippie bullshit until I got into a new line of work. The hours are sometimes brutal and it's very demanding, but I can't remember the last time I had so much fun.
I plan on doing this for a long time to come. God help anyone who gets in my way.

How to solve America's obesity and fuel crisis

Easy...burn down all morbidly obese lard asses as an alternative fuel source.
Case solved, I'll take my Nobel Peace Prize now thank you very much...
then again screw the Peace Prize and just gimme the million dollars that comes with it.

Children are assholes

That's right, assholes. These little crumb snactchers are rude, loud, obnoxious, disgusting, beligerant, hyper little nutcases who don't give a fuck about anyone.

Normally this would be considered very asshole-like behavior, but since they're kids, they can get away with it! How unfair is that??
If I went around yelling and screaming and breaking people's things, I would be considered "disturbed" or a "menace", but when cute little 6 year old Susie Douchebag does the same damn thing, she gets away with it! In fact these little monsters are encouraged when adults constantly give them a free pass for their destructive behavior:
"You just shattered my priceless Ming Dynasty vase and pissed all over my Mercedes. Now go to your room with all your toys, internet and cable tv and think about what you've done, later on we'll get some ice cream!"

Puh-leeeze... do I get rewarded for pissing and shitting all over people's stuff? I wish! It's really too bad because I can think of a dozen people who need to be pissed and shit on.

Anyway, kids are assholes and I'm called an asshole for calling them assholes. Like it's some bid deal taboo to call a kid that. Give me a break! I don't care how good a parent someone may be, you KNOW that when they are awakened at 4am by their screaming little baby and they stand there half awake, changing the kicking little hellion's shit filled diaper to which the little bastard thanks them with a face full of piss or a random vomit projectile, you KNOW at some point and time the "proud" parent looks at the little shit factory and thinks "GOD, what an asshole". It doesn't make them a bad parent, it makes them human.

Of course they're "forbidden" to say this aloud so it's a good thing there's people like ME to speak for them!


Kids are assholes alright, you know it, I know it even they know it, but they don't care because they're assholes!

bleh

Sleep deprived confession

Sometimes when I need to think about something, I go to the hospital. There's something relaxing about sitting in a waiting room surrounded by ailing people and outdated magazines. I stopped trying to figure out why a long time ago, the point is, that it just relaxes me.

I also go to a funeral home or mausoleum. The latter is the better bet since I get weird reactions from the funeral home people when I tell them I'm just looking around.

Oh yeah, I've been having a reoccuring dream of unicorns eating kids.

Funny day at da gym

So I'm working out in the gym doing my thing when some guy walks up to me and says that he's noticed the intensity of my particular workouts and he wondered if he could join in.
Well this took me off guard a little since no one has ever approached me about this, but once I realized I wasn't in danger of some brokeback drama I agreed.
He said it shouldn't be a problem for him since he's in the marines and went to Iraq and blah blah blah. I responded by saying that I wouldn't hold back on him then.

The first few minutes he was holding his own, but when we got to the 3rd and 4th circuits he was starting to hurt until eventually he could barely catch his breath and he made a beeline to the bathroom where he proceded puke up his left lung.

Normally I would feel kind of bad for the guy, but I didn't. In fact I felt pretty damn good. It filled my heart with great joy to shut his cocky mouth up.

Marines.... BAH! I don't care what armed forces you are in if you sit on your ass filling up on jelly doughnuts and beer, guess what, you're gonna be just as out of shape as the rest of us civilians, but noooooo, all throughout the workout, this dude kept reminding him that he was in the Marines and Iraq and what the hell ever.
Funny thing about it is that I wasn't even at 100 percent, being as sleep deprived as I was.
I know plenty of guys in the military who are in incredible shape because they maintain, but this joker was a doughboy, plain and simple.

Let that be a lesson to all of you... you come into my house talking shit and thinking you're god's gift to fitness, I'll shut you down, mess you up and reduce you into a pathetic shell of a human being, crying for your mama and making love to the porcelin god of defeat.

Semper Fi.

Saying goodbye to a friend

You know it's always an emotional ordeal when you have to say good bye to a friend that has always brought you comfort when you were feeling your lowest, brought light into your darkness, brought a sense of belonging when you feel alone.

Yeah, it's always tough and a little strange when you realize that a part of your life will be gone forever.........
BUT that's exactly what needs to be done when your fucking gym decides they wanna charge you two fucking thousand dollars for three years just to step into their fucking doors!!
Fuck you, Courtsouth! Fuck you right in the ass! The RUSH is my new gym and best friend now and they won't rape my balls either!

Cocksuckers.

OMG!!! IMMIGRATION!!!!! RUN!!!!!!

I hate big business and I despise politicians. Seems like the hot button for today is the whole "immigration" issue. Yeah, yeah, we all know that thousands pour into the US everyday, we all know that there are about 25 million of them here and don't believe for a second that there are only 11 million. They are mostly uneducated, ignorant and don't speak the language and will eventually cause a huge economic strain on a country that just isn't capable of sustaining their ever increasing numbers and I don't consider them immigrants at all. My definition of an immigrant is someone who goes through process to legally become one. It's not easy and it takes a long time, but it's the United States of America dammit! Despite its faults, it's still the best damn country in the world dammit! I doubt everyone would be so eager to come here if it were as bad as certain pot smoking dumbass slacker hippies would want you to believe, but I digress.

It would be so easy to place the blame solely on the illegals, but I don't. The fuckers responsible are big business and their butt monkey politician puppets.
The problem hasn't been solved because they don't want to solve it. If you actually belived Bush's bullshit 'speech' then you truly are a gullible idiot. Everyone knows that big business owns the government and Bush is just their patsy. Do you really think they are going to risk losing millions of slave labor workers? Of course not.
Politicians drag their feet on the issue because they don't want to lose millions of potential new voters.
Neither of them see or just don't care about the long term ramifications of their actions, but of course we'll end up paying the price for their greed.

Sometimes I envy the illegals... I mean, they can come into this country without going through the proper channels, commit a FEDERAL crime by forging documents and social security numbers and get rewarded with a job and not pay any taxes.

If a legal citizen did any of that shit, then they would be put in prison. The worst thing that could happen to an illegal is get deported, but of course they'll be back next week.
It's like they're above the law or something.


Anyway, after all is said and done very little will change and the screwing of the American people will continue. However, I'm not going to be like one of these pot smoking, brain dead hippies who just bend over and take it up the ass. I plan on doing something, it may or may not make a difference, but at least I can tell my grandkids that I did something... of course by then they probably won't speak any english.

My two cents

So I'm siting here in my office listening to the intern ramble on and on with a co-worker about god knows what and I'm wondering if she knows that if she wasn't a petite, cute blonde haired twig girl she wouldn't get as much attention as she no doubt gets, especially from the male gender.

Oh hey, I could be wrong, perhaps my co-worker is actually interested in hearing her epic story about how she was able to decide on what to wear this morning. I swear, that's what she's talking about this instant.

Let tell you ladies something about guys... the ONLY men who would be remotely interested in hearing about that crap are either gay or they are trying to stick their penises in you and pretending to be interested in your incredibly boring daily rituals is just the first step to get between your legs.
Most men know that they have to listen to your mouth before they can attempt to put it to better use.
How much more likely are you liable to give it up to your boyfriends or husbands if they listened to you gab about your "adventures in the salon" as opposed to just ignoring everything you say? Thank you.

Of course there are exceptions when the man is actually interested in some of the things you are talking about though I highly doubt the latest gossip about some random chick is one of them.

(My god, the intern is STILL talking.)


Anyway, that's my two cents.

There's not such thing as a dumb question.

Wait, nevermind, there is.

Has the situation ever arisen that a question so innexplicably retarded has been asked that WTFs filled the room for the next few minutes? Well, when it does happen, it can be great. Some people may ask a dumb question on purpose, just to be funny. Or, someone with the accumulative IQ of an appliance store will actually ask something dumb and be completely serious about it. Most of the time, laughs are to be had by all.

Some that come to mind:
Some broad asked the biology prof if you could survive with only ONE liver. I shit you not... a college student actually asked this!

Some chick asked me if black people could get sunburned.

A guy asked me if he could access the internet with a computer. What was he using before? A Ouija board??

I remember a little shit of a kid asking his mother where "yellow people" lived? He looked like he was 12 years old for god's sake!


Ugh, that's all I can type for now. My head hurts.

The hard way or no way

A friend of mine was yappin' to me about her tendancy to get involved in crappy relationships despite warnings from her friends and family alike. Of course these relationships would eventually blow up in her face and she lamented how it seems the hard way is the only way she is capable of learning anything in this arena.

Isn't that true for everyone? Personally I think the only way a person truly learns something is enduring the harsh lessons of life first hand. You aren't going to learn much by relying on pure word of mouth.
For example, you can tell a little kid about the dangers of fire a billion times, but until the little brat actually gets burned they aren't going to fully comprehend what the hell you're talking about. I gaurantee the little crumb snatcher isn't going to mess with fire again (unless they're incredibly retarded).

The same can be said about relationships. You're never going to convince someone that their significant other is no good for them until they get fucked over a few times. Unlike the fire scenario though, sometimes it takes more than one time to get the message, but eventually they do (unless they're completely useless retards as well).

After telling this to her, she said I made a very good point... well not shit.

Another random confession.

Sometimes when I'm starved for conversation, I ask questions to things I already know.
It gives the impression to whatever person I'm talking to an inflated feeling of self worth so they are more than happy to yammer away and "educate me" while I do the ol' smile and nod routine. Hell, sometimes I don't even call them out when I know they don't have a clue about what they're talking about.

I'm not dead

Apparently somebody got shot in the area where I work last night. Well, to all those concerned, I just want to let you know that it wasn't me. I'm okay. My awesomeness is still intact for all to admire and enjoy.

Life is like poker

Life is kind of like poker. Sometimes you get dealt a shitty hand, so you cut your losses and fold. Sometimes, you get pocket aces and you can't lose even if you tried. Sometimes you get a mediocre hand and bluff your way into a good pot.

And sometimes you play your hand perfectly and get fucked on the river and two goons take you out back and break your legs and arms because you don't have the money you owe them and now you're a cripple for the rest of your life all because you were a stupid cocky little dipshit.

That concludes today's words of wisdom

Random thought.

One phrase in movies I'll never understand is: "Only one of us will walk out of here alive."
I mean really... how else are you supposed to walk out of a place?? You can't exactly walk out DEAD... I mean unless you're a vampire, a zombie or stuck in a really bad marriage.

A great new buying opportunity!!

All crackheads share something in common: they will do absolutely anything for money and you can use that to your advantage. The trick is catching them early before they become the strung out emaciated, babbling hobos wandering the street.
You have a small window of opportunity when they haven't yet sold everything they own for a piece of rock, if you do catch them during this magic hour, then you've hit the jackpot!

Forget ebay! There's a growing population of upper class crackheads that not everyone knows about. The best deals lie in the storage units of once prominent lawyers and dentists who sacrificed promising careers to support their habit. Looking for a bargin on a nice set of titanium golf clubs that are usually thousands of dollars? Yours for a hundred bucks. In the market for for a nice cherry wood table set that would normally be around 5000 dollars? Yours for only 200 hundred bucks! Looking for a priceless ring that has been a family heirloom for generations to give to some random broad you met at a truck stop? Take it for 500 smackers! You heard me! It's a crackhead clearance sale! Everything must go!

Oh if the crackhead decides to play "hardball", just wait a couple of days when he starts jonsin' for his next hit and he'll be begging you for any money you're willing to give for his once prized posessions.

This is an amazing discovery! The ultimate deal would be buying a crackhead's 3 story lake front home for a fraction of what it's worth.
Turn one person's tragic affliction into your bargin hunting advantage! Take advantage of this growing opportunity! New upper class crackheads are being produced everyday! It's not just for ghetto folk and white trash anymore! Don't let the pawn shops and drug dealers take this potential gold mine away from you! Sign up now!

People with souls and a general conscience need not apply. Will not be held responsible for any shootings, stabbings, beatings, muggings or general hooliganism.

Crazy town

A guy I know who is in the military told me how psyched he was about going on base this weekend. Apparently he and a bunch of buddies of his plan on shooting the hell out of each other with pellet guns. I'm not talking about those wimpy air powered daisy guns, but the C02 powered guns that can actually cause some damage.

Normally I would question the intelligence and sanity of anyone who would do such a dumbass thing, but then I remembered he was from morristown. After that realization, it made perfect sense.
For those who don't know, morristown is a breeding ground for dumbassery and ignorance on a biblical scale, not to mention it holds the honor of being one of the fastest growing meth producers in the region.
I have never met anyone from there who wasn't a little.... "off". In fact, now that I think of it, some of the most fucked up stories I've heard from friends and the media involve people who are from that area.

I think it should be renamed Crazy-town and be quarantined until the inhabitants die off or interbreed themselves into extinction, then I could enjoy the beautiful scenery there in peace.


Am I exaggerating?
Maybe.

Am I unfairly generalizing an entire group of people from the actions of a few, thus contradicting various things I've said in the past?
Yeah, but I'm awesome so I can get away with it so there!

Why am I talking to myself?
I.... don't.... know.

How funny... (and a little sad)

So I was looking at some old archives in my blog last night and I noticed a particular post that made me chuckle. I was complaining about gas price reaching the unheard of price of 1.75 a gallon and was bitching about the dark day when prices would exceed 2 dollars a gallon.

Fast forward to today where prices are threatening to exceed 3 or 4 bucks a gallon before summer is over. Now I dream about the days when prices were just under 2 dollars.

I used to like driving.

Bear drama

I heard that the universary of Tennessee's vet dept. is examining a black bear to see if it is the one responsible for killing a little girl and mauling her mother and brother. It's pretty cool because that's practically right down the street from where I work.

I think it's a horrible tragedy personally. Imagine what the mother must be going through. When a parent has to beary their child, it can be an unbearable experience.
I just hope the rest of the family can bear with each other during these dark times.
Imagine what kind of guilt the brother must be going through. His sister was killed while he just had a boo boo. He's going to need therapy for years to come, no doubt. How did that happen anyway? How did the little girl die when the other two bearly got away? I would like to meet someone who was there to bear witness.

Think about the park rangers who arrived on the grizzly scene. I mean, what are you going to tell the father? One thing is for sure, I would not want to be the bearer of bad news. I guess the only thing the father can do is just grin and bear it and try to move on. I wonder if the mother is going to bear another child or just let things be.

Just thinking about this situation makes me sad and Baloo, but at the same time someone should have warned these people and others like them that they need the bear necessities when bearing an attack from a bear bearing down on them.


Well I think one thing we've learned from this tragedy is that we americans should exercise our right to bear and carry arms and then maybe something like this can be avoided in the future.




bear

Too picky? MOI???

My friend told me I was being too picky in my house hunting adventures.
She said that I was setting my standards a little too high in looking for a home.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned about the twenty or so confederate flags I saw waving in various front yards as I drove to the house. Perhaps I imagined the odd looks I recieved from my potential neighbors as I got out of my car to look at the house.

Yeah, I'm sure I did... I should buy the house and throw a good ol' fashion housewarming barbeque and invite all my new neighbors. I'm sure the turn out will be interesting.

Thank god for my friend's council, otherwise I would've made a very stupid decision.

One drawback to being a black man.....

... fat women automatically assume that you are interested in them. I can't remember all the times when some fatty gives me that "look" as if I'm naturally drawn to their fatness.
Now I'm not talking about a girl with some curves on her (which I like), but I'm talking about those disgusting huge land monsters who look like they are wearing several life preservers around the area where their waist is supposed to be.

True, most black men have more appreciation for women with a little meat on their bones, but it doesn't mean we're friggin' chubby chasers! Well then again, I have seen some brothers out there with some big fat shamu looking whale chicks, but that doesn't mean we ALL like big fat shamu whale chicks, especially me!

So if you are one of these women and you see me walking down the street, please don't waste your time and start flirting with me, assuming that I will fall under your spell of jiggling and wriggling fat rolls. The most you'll get is my lunch all over your too tight shirt as I throw up all over you.

Return of a friend

The other night I spent some time with someone I had little to no contact with in a year. She had recently resurfaced and wanted to hang out with me and all that crap. I guess I avoided her in the past because I remember the mind numbing awkwardness of two people who had almost nothing to talk about and even less chemistry.

Well to my surprise, she is a completely different person. What was once painful silence is now replaced with an unobstructed flow of real conversation, though most of the conversation consisted of debating, critisizing and off color jokes, it was still a REAL conversation!
The vibrant personality that she had always hidden from me was out in the open for all to see. I could barely believe it.
Later on I found out why she was in such a funk last year... apparently she had some unfinished issues that she had not quite gotten over. After we had broken up, she went back to deal with these issues and unfortunately she ended up being disappointed again.
She was reluctant to tell me about it because she assumed I would call her stupid for doing what she did. That's when I told her about my similar "issue" a couple of years ago which is well documented in my blog if she ever wanted to read about it!

I told her that everybody wastes their time and emotions on people and things that don't deserve it, but often times the only way we learn is the hard way and that includes doing something "stupid".


That's when I was reminded of her strength of character and why I could never bring myself to dislike her even when she was being the world's biggest bitch. Sure I made some off color remarks about her in response to her disrespectful and sometimes bizzare behavior, but I never hated her. I also realized while talking with her that we have a lot in common after all.
I'm finally seeing the real person and I have to admit, I like what I see..... when she isn't being "influenced" by an outside stimulus that is.

It's funny how life works out. You put someone up on a 20 story pedestal and imagine the great "connection" you have with each other only to find out that there isn't much of one at all and the relationship ends in lies and betrayl (sounds like a soap opera) Then there's someone you don't have much in common with and don't think much of at all, but it turns out that you have a stronger connection with them than you thought possible.

She's a good kid. I think I'll keep her around for awhile.

My dumb ass friend. Radom ramble about steroids

A friend of mine decided he was going to take steroids to help him get over a physical plateau. I strongly suggested against it and he said it was only going to be for "one cycle" and even asked me if I wanted to do it with him and of course I said no.

That was over three years ago and he's still juicing. I've noticed that he's become a lot more irritable and defensive as well being easier to anger plus he's got some nasty ass acne popping up on his back. I don't know if his dick as shriveled up and I really don't want to know about it either.
He's always been a big guy and strong as hell, he really doesn't need it, but then I realized that steroids can be just as addictive as any other drug and unlike other drugs, I can actually see the appeal of taking them. You get tremendous gains with half the time and effort and you look pretty darn good in the mirror too.
Unfortunately these gains disappear just as quickly once you stop no matter how hard you try to maintain your "counterfeit" muscles naturally and that's where steroids addictive nature surfaces.

That can be an incredibly hard thing to give up which is why people like my friend who plan on taking it for "one cycle" usually continue taking it for years.
People with low self esteem are twice as likely to become addicted. Maybe that's why most pro bodybuilders are so short. Perhaps they're compensating for their stubbiness?? Ah, whatever.

There was a time I seriously considered juicing until I read about the risks... especially involving the penis and heart... that was the end of that.

A little kindness won't kill you

Well that's bullshit. I remember back in college I helped some dude I didn't even know carry some camera equipment up some stairs because it would be the nice thing to do.

Well, half an hour later I got a particularly nasty case of the stomach flu that made me puke and pee out my ass for days.
Well, it didn't kill me, but kindness certainly made my life a living hell for those several days.

Keep that in mind the next time that crazy thought of performing a kind deed gets into your head.

Larry the Cable guy movie.

They made a movie starring this extremely unfunny dumbass. The sad thing is, I'm sure there will be a few dozen people actually planning on watching this.

If you are one of these people, save some time, take a 10 dollar bill out of your wallet and flush it down your toilet. After that, do the gene pool a favor and castrate yourself for even thinking about watching this piece of shit.

No, I haven't seen the movie and I never will because I've been blessed with common sense.

An observation.

You know you must really think highly of a person if you spend 30+ hours with them in a small car driving through the deepest, darkest south and you don't feel the urge to throw them out of the vehicle and laugh as you watch their carcass bounce off the asphalt and into the path of several tractor trailers.

Pretty cool.


On a side note: You KNOW you're in the deep south when you see gas stations selling ammo boxes next to the skittles.

Belated V for Vendetta movie review. *SPOILERS*

I saw this movie a few weeks ago It was just great in every way. The acting, the plot, the visual effects, there was hardly.

They may be a few spoilers, but I'll try to keep them as vague as possible.If you don't know, the movie takes place in the future, when the United States no longer exists and England has become a Nazi-like dictatorship. In all the control and suppression of the people, a vigilante donning a mask made to look like Guy Fawkes stands up against the government. At first, it seems like V is nothing more than a rebel against the evil chancellor Sutler and his administration, but as the movie progresses we find out that there is a lot more background to everything.

The movie itself is great. The acting is near perfection. I barely noticed Natalie Portman's character Evey losing her accent, but other than that everything was believable, though V's hyper articulation would give most people tremors. Obviously he's over compensating because his penis got burned off.
There were few occasions that actually called for advanced special effects, which is a good thing in my book.

Action and sci-fi movies have way overboard with CGI recently, and I like seeing movies like this without a lot of computer imaging. To tell you the truth, there really isn't that much action at all. Most of the movie consists of V advancing his plot to overthrow the government while we learn about him through Evey and Detective Finch.

There are a lot of sub-plots and background. I like Vallerie's story in particular. I thought it was very well done and extremely moving. I thought the constant references and analogies were very interesting and Natalie Portman had to shave her head. There is just something about girls with shaven heads that gets to me that's hot.... I dunno why.

So anyway, this is a great movie. It is way worth seeing, maybe even buying. I'd recommend it to anyone and I mean, anyone. It isn't a movie that you'll see just because you go to the theater because you are bored. It is a movie that you actually make the time to go and see.

Another angry rant.

Some things really piss me off. I think I'll bitch about them:

-People who can't spell. Now, I'm not talking about people that make the occasional typo, we've all done it, that doesn't bother me. I'm not talking about people that get their homonyms mixed up either. It's careless, sure, but only mildly annoying. Even people that type like they're in an IRC room (using 'u' instead of 'you' for instance) don't bother me. As long as I can understand what you're saying, it's fine.It's people that actually don't know how to spell. Freakish morons that couldn't pass Grade 4 English and can't read anything more complex than a fucking menu that somehow find their way on to the internet and/or my company. The worst is people from the South. They must not have books down here, because they just spell things the way they sound. Which normally works fine, but not when you speak with a DRAWL.


-Bad drivers. 90 year old fuckers that drive 30mph on one lane roads in the middle of rush hour. People that stop or brake for no reason. People that tailgate me when I can't go any faster DUE TO THE CAR DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME YOU FUCKING MORON. People that turn on to the lane I'm in, forcing me to brake to avoid hitting them, when they could have just waited 5 SECONDS for me to go by them because there's NO ONE BEHIND ME. When I'm waiting for a car to pass by so I can turn on to a street just to have it not signal and turn on to my street. When I'm waiting behind another car waiting for an opening on a left turn through oncoming traffic and when the opening comes, he takes his sweet fucking time going through the intersection so he can get through and I CAN'T. People that drive in the fast lane on the highway and don't move over for faster cars coming up behind them. People that don't let you merge. People that suddenly start going faster when you try to pass them. People that try to walk across the street at the last second and don't hurry up when the light goes green. People that jaywalk across busy streets with their KIDS when there's a crosswalk less then 5 feet away.To all you fuckers: GET OFF MY FUCKING ROADS.



-Women that complain about not being able to start a relationship. Bitch, I got news for you: the reason relationships don't get started is THAT WOMEN LIKE YOU MAKE IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT. Someone told me to go see the movie "Hitch" (which is where I got that little nugget) to get some insight as to how to improve my game. Well, it didn't. All it did was reaffirm my belief that a lot (not all) women are infuriating bitches! This whole "game" thing is bullshit. What the fuck, I have to play it off like I'm not interested, even though I am interested, but I can't let them know that I'm interested, so I have to be a jackass but still give attention but know when to not give her attention and sometimes not be a jackass, but then she starts acting interested so I think she's interested, but then she just wants to be friends so I leave her alone, but then she starts flirting again so I think she's interested, AND IT'S ALL SO FUCKING CONFUSING. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. These women have all these ridiculous expectations of men and make us go through all these stupid hoops to court them and have to nerve to complain that they can't get a date? Bitch, please. Let me introduce you to the Stairs.


Ok, I just realized how insane I sound. Or maybe I'm so sane I just blew all your minds.


Oh yeah, congrats to my friend's new house purchase.

Hitler was a nice guy after all.

I was emailed this by a friend of mine. It's probably one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
Before any of you more sensitive people get too "outraged", lighten up. It's obviously a satirical story mocking the dumbasses who actually believe horseshit like this.

Anyway, enjoy the read:

hello all

ive been thinking, and when i think its usually intellijent. History claims that hitler was an evil tyrant, a murderer and an all round bad guy but im sure his friends would say he was nice such as gobels, himridge and glochen-pop. apparently he was a really good cook. just ask the jews

but seriously friends, the jews have been a pain in the ass for far too long and hitler only did what everyone else was thinking because no one else had the balls to do it and boy were they big. the jews have been known to be a race of liars and great exageraters, its in their genes the exagerating gene. look it up. take moses for example, FACT the jews claim he freed them from slavery and parted the red sea. in reality he beat the pharoah of egypt in a poker game for the jews. the ancient egyptians were known gambling addicts and were always running up massive debts. moses won the jews in a crooked poker game. How else would he get five royal flushes in a row? Parting the red sea? They had a boat, but they thought the story would be more interesting if it involved divine intervention.

Alright, lets look at the biggest blotch on his good name: Genocide. It'sbeen performed many times in history. Even in a lovely country like Australia, genocide was achieved, but no one holds shit against Australia. It seems that the jews cry harder than everyone else and exagerate more than all other races, due to the Exagerating gene that all jews inherit.

Mr Hitler (he should be titled 'Sir') was, contrary to popular belief, a great person who believed in truth, justice, and liberty. FACT During the war, he was happily helping old ladies across the street when suddenly, he heard a tank crash. He ran as fast as he could to the catastrophe, and saw that the tank was on fire. He then realised that they were enemy soldiers, but he knew deep down all men are equal and rescued those soldiers. One of those men was critically wounded, and hitler transfused his own blood into the dying soldier, while performing brain surgery on another man. As soon as the man recovered he whispered: 'You truly are the king of kings.'

Germany was in ruins from the great depression and losing world war one, its people were falling apart, and all hopes and ambitions they may have once had, were just specks in a mindless maze of insanity and broken dreams. Then along came good ol' Adolf Hitler and told the people to keep their chins up, everything will turn out alright for those who believe in the power of love. FACT Hitler united the people and did everything for the people. Many people believe Hitler was a racist and a bigot. Not true. He read 'The Art of War' by Sun Tzu and he aligned himself with the Japanese, thus proving he was not a racist. Hitler wanted to be friends with England, but England said no. Why? Because the British didnt like Germans then, and they sure as hell dont like 'em now. Therefore the British are racists. FACT Englands social hierachy inspired Hitler to develop the same kind of thing. But Hitler wanted to make it with more equality. England didnt like this so they declared war on Germany, because Hitler wanted to do the right thing by everyone. Thats how world war two started.

FACT Those deathcamps you all here about? Another lie generated by the jews to slander Hitlers name. Hitler and his great scientists actually developed a vaccine for cancer and was administering them through these Health Camps. FACT A jewish company developed Zyklon B, a deadly gas, fatal to all who cross its path. So, jewish insurgents decided to replace the cure for cancer with the deadly Zyklon B, thus making it look like Hitler meant to do such an atrocity. Hitler was never informed of this due to the leaders of the Health Camps being jewish and being bribed to keep their mouths shut. This is the truth.

FACT Hitler didnt commit suicide, he died while participating in a massive orgy. His last words were: 'Mein Feuren Has Gott lubernekhieben' which translates to 'Fifty more virgins to screw? Damn its good to be Hitler!'

Conclusion: Hitler was a true hero to mankind. Not a monster that he was percieved to be, but the kind of person we all strive to become.