"Chill out, Uncle Mark"

Those were the words my two year old niece said to me when I asked her if she was ready to play some video games.

Not only that, but she said it with a cocked eye brow like how DARE I insult her intelligence and time by asking her such a ridiculous question.

I swear this kid is some kind of pod creature.

Chill out, indeed.

Porn before internet

Back in the day when you brought porn to school, you were the fucking man. Everyone was like, " Man, porn! That's awesome!" and people were begging to borrow a page, even going as far as offering you money for it.

I remember I brought a page o' porn to school and put it in my locker. I remember the featured chick on there as well: "Busty Belle". As you can imagine it was some red headed skanky looking chick with some really big fake tits, but back then she was a goddess. Apparently every other guy in the school thought the same thing, because they would always swarm my locker to get a peek at her.
Funny thing is, she wasn't even nude on this particular photo. The only thing she was doing was bending over in a low cut dress, showing off her expensive cleavage.

Eventually this got the attention of some bitch of a teacher and she tore down the picture, telling me not to hang Victoria's Secret models pictures in my locker again.
Lucky for me she didn't flip the page over or else she would have seen Ms. Belle masturbating with a 10 inch spiked dildo. Did I mention this was from a Hustler magazine?

Oh well...it's funny how different the advent of the internet changes things. I've always wanted to use advent in a sentence, hopefully I did it correctly.

It's that time of year again.

Ah, tis the season to fight massive mobs of crazed consumers and spend money you don't have and go fa-la-la-la head first into debt.
Why do people do this to themselves? What's the point? If the only way to make a loved one happy is to buy them a ridiculously overpriced over hyped gift that will probably be forgotten in few weeks then maybe you should get some new loved ones.
They should be happy that you acknowledge their existence, but I guess that doens't fill up much space under the christmas tree.
Bah.... etc.

Speed bowling.

Leave it to turn a relaxing sport like bowling into a hardcore cardio workout.

Not too long ago a bowled 13 games in a little over an hour which is unheard of in the world of bowling. It's supposed to be a game of skill and comfort, but when I'm done, I'm sweating like a just ran a marathon and when I wake up the next morning I'm as sore as I am when I work out at the gym.

Obviously, unlike most people who bowl, I don't sit around and chug a couple of beers or scarf down some nachos in between frames, nope... for me it's none stop bowling. It's probably more of a HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) type of workout where you exercise intensely for a certain amount of time and then rest before doing it all over again.
I get horrified looks from the fatty fat bowlers as they scarf down their hot dogs, but I don't care. I take great pride and satisfaction that in the time that it takes them to finish one game, I've already finished four.

Could it be that I'm on the verge of discovering the next fitness craze of speed bowling?? Why the hell not?!!