Delusions

I overheard a couple of douchebags complaining about the audacity of actress Selma Hayek getting knocked up. They were bitching about how they wouldn't fuck her now and how much of a waste it was that she chose to be a host for a gestating parasite. Okay that parasite thing is mine and how I personally view pregnancy, but that's another story.

Anyway, it blows my mind how these twenty nothing nobodies are talking like they actually have snowball's chance in HELL of getting within 1000 miles of Salma's, selma's, salmon's, (whatever) vagina.
They aren't alone, however, I can't remember all the times I've listened to people talk this way about some celebrity or public figure. Sure I can understand looking at some broad and saying that I would penetrate her with my bunker busting flesh missile. What raging heterosexual male doesn't?

However, you got the ones who just take it too damn far. One thing I find particular pathetic are the ones that actually keep track of when the latest assembly line, underaged teen pop star's turns the magical 18. There are actually websites that countdown to that "magical event.
My question is why? What happens when she does turn eighteen? Are they going to drive over to her mansion, knock on her door, where she'll no doubt surrender her precious virtue to some 30 something, fat ass, World of Warcraft playing fucktard?
Get the fuck outta here... more like that cloud of guilt will finally be lifted from all the times they've spanked the monkey to pictures of a sixteen year old little girl and somehow convince themselves that they aren't borderline pedeophiles.

Another example is that I saw a recent issue of Rolling Stone with a headline declaring "Thank God, Hilary Swank is single again!"
Um... so the FUCK what! Oh my god, you mean all those times before I was punching the clown to a married woman??!!! Oh, the scandal!

Jeebus titty fucking christ I don't care!!

Careful what you wish for

I found out today that the asshole that stole from me and I wished all kinds of death and misfortune upon was just moved out of intensive care after getting into a pretty serious car crash a few weeks ago.

As much as I despise this fucktard I'm glad he didn't actually die and I didn't exactly throw a party when I heard of his wreck (I didn't shed tears either). In fact it really didn't come to much of a surprise to me sense he's a pretty self-destructive individual.

Maybe he had time to reevaluate his life as he laid in his hospital bed with a breathing tube shoved down his throat. Maybe he'll think twice before lying and stealing from people who considered him a friend. Whatever... he'll probably come back a bigger dick sucking mother fucker than before.

Some may call this karma, but I call it me having incredible omnipotent dominion over fate itself.
Now if certain people would just spontaneously explode, I may be on to something here.

Yay!! Racism is alive and well!

So I've finally gotten into playing online games after years of saying that I would and discovered a rather interesting revelation about the online "community": They're are a LOT of bigoted people that play these games.

I encountered this first hand while playing some shoot 'em up game and listening to the people on the other end casually talke about random shit and all that when suddenly one of them goes on about how ALL black people love fried chicken.
This took me a little off guard because he obviously did not know that I was in fact black. I guess I don't sound "black" since I don't butcher the english language like so many hip hop and sports "icons" who are the only reference material little white kids like this have in life.

Instead of calling this little idiot out, I decided to keep quiet and let the dumbass continue his converation with his idiot friends. He goes on to say that he deduced this "fact" because he saw a family of black people eating friend chicken at Disney world. (oh my gawd!)
He also has "a black friend" whom he nearly got in a fight with because he came too close to his chicken and compared him to a wild animal.

Well it didn't take long for everyone to start cracking black jokes and spew outright racist views on the entire race in general, no surprise there, but what was surprising was that I continued to stay silent. I knew I had a rare view of human behavior when they believe they are with their own "kind". All poitical correctness goes right out the window and their true colors come right out (forgive the pun) when they think they are safe.
of course I've always known this, but to hear it first hand was just..... fascinating.


Well after awhile I finally decided to reveal my little "secret". After about a minute of stunned silence and another 5 minutes of them asking me if I was really black, I got the same old cliched excuses like "my best friend is black" and "I know a lot of black people" and other classic gems like those.

All I could do is laugh at them. It just wasn't worth cussing them out or threatening them, especially since they live thousands of miles away from me... of course it would be a different story if I could actually get my hands around their little throats, but one of them asked me on last time if I was indeed "african american" before I logged off.

This isn't just relegated to while gamers though. I had a similar experience with mexican gamers (I don't know why, I sound nothing like a mexican) as they spouted off a bunch of crap about asians.
However homophobia seems to unite all the races since there is a constant stream of anti-gay statements and insults spewing from everybody.

Anyway, I started playing online games to brutally kill alien monsters and such, but I think they're a much better tool at studying the darkside of human nature.

I feel like Jane Goodall studying the chimps except I have a penis.