Weak fools.

Okay speaking of women, I was shooting pool at the Downtown grille with some friends and this one girl just struts right up to us and demands that we let her have the next shot. I don’t even think she was playing us. Anyway, she was wearing this tight tank top and was extremely well endowed. I told her that we were in the middle of a game, but the other guys who were fully hypnotized by her enormous assets, happily said she could join in as they promptly reracked the balls without even finishing the fucking game.

It was so sad seeing these guys trip all over themselves, catering to this bitch, who was rude, obnoxious and overly demanding. Obviously she was used to getting what she wanted and the boys were more than willing to accommodate her. I seemed to be the only one unaffected by her “lures” since I didn’t kiss her ass. One instance she told me, NOT ask, but TOLD me that she was going to move the cue ball for a better shot. When I objected, she actually looked surprised and said “I don’t like you.” I responded with “I don’t care.” It had been a long time since I received a dirty look like the one she gave me. I was expecting her to scream “HOW DARE YOU not let me have MY way!!” and then strike me dead with her massive boob beams. I kind of chuckled at this thought.

I just wish my friends had the same fortitude. I felt like grabbing them and trying to snap them out of it, but I knew they were too far gone. They were like helpless flies trapped in her Double D web of seduction. Why couldn’t they see that they were being played? Why couldn’t they see that she wouldn’t remember who any of them are one after she left? Why were they laughing at her unfunny jokes? WHY did they buy her drinks?? So much for a guy’s night out. Granted, the chick was hot and quite bangable, but there's a lot to be said for personality. I don't care how fucking hot a chick is, if she acts like a stuck up arrogant bitch, I'm not giving her the time of day and I sure as hell wouldn't make a jack ass out of myself to impress her.

Ugh… I lost a lot of respect for my friends after that night, but then again I probably would’ve done the same thing 10 years ago. Thank god my standards have progressed since then.

About time.

A friend of mine averted disaster by making one of the most important decisions in her life. I'm not really surprised though, she's always had the strength, but she was afraid to use it. She's come a LONG way in a short amount of time and I'm proud of her for it. More importantly, I sense she's proud of herself; hopefully this will make her realize that there's nothing wrong with asserting herself in the future and she shouldn't settle for anything less than she deserves. I knew I liked her for a reason.
It took her fucking long enough, that's for damn sure.

This is what happens when people listen to my age old words of wisdom, they become better people because I'm awesome like that and if you don't listen to me, you are destined to suck. It's true!

Cry me a fucking river.

shut the fuck up!!

Bleh, don't you just fucking hate it when someone only appears in your life when they are in trouble? They'll be gone for months or years without so much as a word and then suddenly they reappear to drown you with their pathetic problems.
The most infuriating thing about it is that they don't even listen to what you have to say, especially if it's not what they want to hear. Guess what happens when they don't heed your advice and everything ievitably blows up in their faces? They BITCH about that too of course!

I thought I had eliminated these "friends", but apparently there was one more straggler that I had forgotten about. Well no more. I'm sick of being a fucking surrogate Dr. Phil to fucking morons who don't listen and can't handle their own shit. I'm sick of dealing with fucktards who only use me as a shoulder to cry on. Jesus, go cry to your fucking mamas if they haven't disowned your whiny asses yet. Or better yet, start a fucking blog! That way millions of people will know your pain, you candy asses!

I'll still help out my friends whenever they need it, but ONLY to my real friends who actually want to do something besides whine about shit all the fucking time! My good nature has a fucking limit you know!

I hate baseball so much.

Size doesn't matter!!

I've notice that a lot of women overlook the fact that their man is hung like a pimple because, as they say, size doesn't matter, especially if they love or care for the guy. That sounds all fine and dandy, but when they get in a fight or break up with them the FIRST thing they yap about is his penis size.
They either ridicule him if he has a below average penis or if he's well endowed, they usually refer to it as his ONE saving grace. Example: "Well he was a total asshole and treated me like shit, but at least he had a big cock!"
It's funny how your "great personality" and "lovabilitly" suddenly cease to exist.

Size doesn't matter, my ASS! Women say this to spare their man's ego (if he's puny) or they don't want to sound like some cock hungry whore, but the bottom line is, it DOES matter. No matter how great a person you are, not matter how incredibly wonderful you are, hell, it doesn't matter how rich you are, your penis IS going to be judged and it WILL be talked about. Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

People who clap when they laugh (rant)

Isn't that the lamest shit in the world? I dont get it. You're not at a comedy club, sit your happy ass down somewhere and laugh like a normal person. Stop being so damn annoying
Why the hell do people clap during movies? It's not like the actors can hear them, but I sure as hell can! Oh my God! An explosion!!!! Let's get up and hoot and holler like a bunch of fraggin' retards!

And what's up with people covering their mouths and bumping into shit? I swear I never understood this shit at all. I remember sitting in a cafeteria in high school and some chick falls and drops her lunch and these guys were busting a nut laughing, covering their mouths and jabbing each other. One dude comes up behind me and yells "DAMN THAT SHIT WAS FUNNY!!" Okay, it was pretty funny and I did laugh my ass off, but I didn't have the urge to cover my mouth, bump random people, scream a bunch of shit and flop around like a damn epileptic fish.

Then I discovered that the unwritten Black Rules of Laughing™ were first given out via this show called Def Comedy Jam. Check some old episodes of that back in '92. It's in the Black Behavior Rulebook® now that we're supposed to have seizures and go generally fucking insane whenever we find something funny. Of course in typical American fashion, this rule has trickled out of the black community and has been adopted by the mainstream. Now you got little yuppie suburban kids doing the same damn thing and scaring their parents to death.

Personally, I've never subscribed to the Black Behavior Rulebook® and prefer to act the way I want to act. Then again, I've been told time and time again that I don't act like a "typical black person" and in this case, I don't mind. "Typical Black person..." what the FUCK is that supposed to mean? Ah, that's another rant for another time... or did I already bitch about that? I forget.

Using DUMB ASSES.

A few days ago I was enlightened to a disturbing fact that some women purposely date men who are either less educated than them or not as strong willed. I talked to several women about this at a friend's house and shockingly they did the same thing! The reason they did this was because it was easier to get inside their heads or some such nonsense like that. It's some kind of empowerment they get when they get their "significant" other to do what they want. I mean one of these ladies had a somewhat valid reason for doing so since she was married to a controlling husband, but the others just did it to be in control. Plain and simple.

How fucked up is that! Personally, I couldn't STAND being with a woman who was a dumb ass. I don't want a moron who is so unbelievably stupid that they can't see that they are being controlled by a simple mind game.


It's even worse when men allow it to happen to them, but then I think to myself if they even realize they're just being dangled around like some pathetic meat puppet. It's much like a pig being exploited for its meat. You think the poor little swine has any idea what's in store for it as it blissfully chomps away at its slop? Probably not. I just want to grab and shake these retards and scream at them to grow a fucking pair!

I mean, what's the point being with someone who is wrapped around your finger? At what point does it start to become boring when you know you can get your little fool to do anything you want with the slightest of gestures? Where's the fucking challenge in that? Personally I prefer a free thinking individual that actually has a brain to think with and has the strength and confidence to express what they are thinking. I'm an educated, outspoken man and I prefer to be with my own people. Why the hell should I settle for anything less?


Then again, I do have a unique insight in these things, having mostly female friends, I've learned quite a bit on how subtle they can be when they want a guy to do something and I realized that I have had these same things done to me without even realizing it. Yeah, I really do treasure my friendship with my female friends. They've helped me out of some bad relationships... when I chose to listen of course.

Anyway, it would drive me nuts if I was stuck with a dumb ass or a jellyfish. It would drive me even more insane if I was stuck with a manipulator. I wouldn't be able to respect either of them and once I don't respect someone, I don't bother with them at all.

I was beginning to wonder if all women thought this way, but fortunately, most, if not all the women I asked about this subject reacted the same way I did and were pretty disgusted by it. Thank god. I was on the verge of turning in my permanent resignation to the pursuit of the opposite sex.

Abortion vs. Mentos

mentos- 1. abortion-0



Okay, so I'm visiting a friend at her swanky new condo along with a few of her girlfriends and things are going pretty well as we yapped about various subjects, discussed what was wrong with the world and how we would change things if we were in charge. Well, they mostly talked about that crap, I was more interested in her 42 inch High Definition Television, complete with a custom made surround sound system.

A couple hours into it, the subject of abortion comes up. Now this is number one on the top 5 list of sure fire ways to turn a decent discussion into an ugly no holds barred melee. Well, sense all these chicks were pro-choice, I didn't think it would escalate into anything nasty. WRONG.
One of them says that although she supports a woman's right to have an abortion, she would never have one since she couldn't live with the fact that she had killed a living being inside her.

Now this amazed me for two reasons. Number one, all the pro-choicers I've known have NEVER referred to it as killing a living being. It's usually referred to as just an abortion or a procedure, etc, but never murder. That's Pro-Life talk after all!
Number two, pro-choicers never make any reference to a "living being" at all. They usually use the word "it" or some other euphemism that doesn't sound so... human.

Anyway, this woman broke all the rules with her shocking revelation and sure enough the other pounced on her like a pack of McCarthian wolves questioning her on whether was really pro-choice and where her true loyaties lay.
I've got to hand it to the woman though, she didn't back down and held her own despite the odds.

Anyway, it was starting to get ugly and I knew it was only a matter of time before they drug me into it so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I calmly stood up and told them I had something important that needed answered right away.
All the women stopped yapping and sat in silence, staring at me, waiting for my question.
My question was this:
"What's up with the new Mentos commercial with those damn birds?? I prefer the old school commercials with the goofy European kids. What do you guys think??"

At first the women were stunned, then they laughed and the next thing we know we're getting into a debate about which Mentos commercials were the best and we tried to find out what song those fucking birds were singing. The abortion thing was long forgotten thanks to a nasty tasting mint called MENTOS.

Ah, Mentos... is there anything you can't do?


Oh yeah, the name of the song is called "No Limit".

Sex is easy, chocolate is hard.

Why is it I have an easier time resisting a ridiculously sexy fitness trainer/model than a Reese's bar? Maybe because the fitness trainer/model doesn't have a crispy peanut buttery center that melts in your mouth and makes sweet love to your taste buds until your mouth explodes in a chocolatey orgasm. If there was only a way to combine the two, I would definitely stock up.

Wait... that would be cannibalism.

crap

Almost lost a friend

I had a long talk with a friend of mine the other night and was shocked when she questioned our friendship because of my past actions. She wondered if I really valued our friendship or was I just using her because she was "convienent". She also brought up several times where she felt like she was being disrespected by me and so forth.
This was surprising because some of these things happened over a year ago and I had no idea that she felt this way because she certainly didn't say anything about it before, but that's the way she is I suppose. It also made me rethink a few things about myself. Not my awe inspiring awesomeness of course... there is NO doubt about that, but other almost important things about me.

Long story short, we sorted things out and we're cool again plus I gave her some "friendly" advice about her no good, dead beat, manipulative piece of shit boyfriend as well. I was really trying to keep a nuetral position in this particular situation, since I promised myself to butt out of my friends' private lives and cut down on the lecturing, but she wanted an honest response and I gave her one. MAN, that felt good to cut loose like that.... worthless, motherless, arrogant, womaninzing fucking fuck fucker! May he burn in hell!!

On a more pleasant note, people come in and out of my life all the time, but I really can't picture my life without her in it.

Yeah, yeah that last part was corny, but it's true so kiss my incredilbly firm round ass!

Interracial stuff (revisited)

My friend seems to think that white women who date outside their race only do so to satisfy their curiosity about a certain ethnic group before they get married and raise a family with a white guy.

Of course I thought she was full of shit, but she did bring up a good point. I've known quite a few chicks who dated exclusively outside their race and just naturally assumed they would marry outside of it as well, but to my surprise, they got married to someone within their own race.

Is interracial dating just a "phase" people go through before getting serious with their lives, sort of like smoking pot or going to keggers? Is it some kind of right of passage or self discovery crap, similar to having your first (legal) beer or traveling abroad? Is it some kind of rebellious statement to society in general like the hippies did in the sixties? Interestingly enough, what happened to those hippies? They grew up, cut their hair, got nice coorporate jobs and essentially became what they were rebelling against. Can the same be said about interracial dating?

I wonder when these people get older and reflect back with their friends about all the dumb things they did when they were kids, I wonder if dating someone outside their race would be one of them.

This made me think. Then I got distracted by boobies.

More shit I hate. (rant)

So I'm sitting in my office tonight, downloading some music and I started thinking about dumb ass cliches, idioms, proverbs or whatever the fuck you call it and I realized how much they pissed me of. So I thought I'd do a little rant:


"An apple a day keeps the doctor away." i used to eat an apple every day, and ended up having raging diarrhea! Shit doesn't work!!

"You can't have your cake and eat it too" come from? What else am I supposed to do with cake? Have it. Own it. Possess it. Guide it through grade school under the aegis of your love and caring? Just don't eat it. Marie Antoinette tried to get a bunch of people to eat cake and they cut off her fucking head!


"It's always the last place you look"
No fucking kidding. What retard goes,"hey, there's my physics book! Hmmmm... wait. Maybe it's not here, in front of me, on the table. Maybe it's actually under my Acura! Let me go look!!Jesus titty fucking Christ, I want to punch people in the face when they give me that lip.

-"Love will happen when you least expect it" ---HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!yeah, get the fuck outta here with that. That's a line involved people give their loser single friends to "encourage" them.

Hey... wait a minute...

"Just be yourself" ---this shit only works if you're actually an interesting person. If you're a rude obnoxious, smelly, toothless ugly, annoying piece of garbage, it probably won't work for you.

Then again...


"Good things come to those who wait" ---BULL shit. You go out their and fucking take it and step on whoever gets in your way!

"A cat has nine lives"
Really?? Then that cat I splattered across the street a few days ago must've been on its last one. What are the odds???


"If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
What the fuck kind of bullshit is this? That question is a typical example of humans' tendency to place themselves as the center of all things. Gues what? If a tree falls in the forest and there are no people around, it STILL makes a sound. Sound doesn't stop because humans aren't around to witness it. That's seriously fucking stupid. There was an extremely long period of time where there were no people, just dinosaurs and crap, you telling me when a tree fell back then there was no sound? You telling me if a meteor slammed into Mars that it wouldn't make a sound? Bullshit. It's so overly arrogant to believe that all things in nature require a human presence in order to occur or be acknowledged. Yes, the tree does make a sound, stop being aso fucking arrogant and thinking humans need to be around for sound to occur.

Downloads are finished. Later.

Soulmate

SOUL MATE, many people don't realize the dangers of using the term "SOULMATE". Not knowing that they will open a huge shit storm when these words are used. It is nearly as dangerous as using the words "I LOVE YOU" *shudder*

The words 'soulmate' brings about unexpected and unrealistic expectations that "THE ONE" is able to connect with you, and also that "THE ONE" is capable and has the responsiblity of taking care of the relationship LIKE YOU DO. NOT SO!! That's a pretty fucked up thing to put on a person when you think about it.

Relationships still have to developed the same way, through communcation and through a lot of work to survive the pit falls. Don't take the words soulmate so damn lightly. When or if you ever do call somebody that, you'd better be damn sure that they feel the same about you (hence the communication). More importantly, make sure YOU feel this way about them or else you're going to have some real problems down the road.

"You are the one" can have a similar meaning, but it doesn't imply the unrealistic expectations that come along with "YOU are my SOULMATE!"

SO in conclusion, dont trivalise these two sentences,
"I LOVE YOU"
"YOU ARE MY SOULMATE"
Unless you are ready to suffer the pain of great dissapointment.

Personally, I've never called someone my soulmate because I think it sounds so pathetically gay.

I was right

For seemingly years I've always said my co-worker/friend and her boyfriend would make beautiful children together (they're both sickingly beautiful) and last Sunday I was proven right when she finally had her kid. Man, what a good lookin' baby. He's definitely gonna be a lady killer pimp playa when he gets older. He'd better stay away from my niece dammit!
Congrats to my friend and her bf.