Sex and.... stuff.

Ok, I was talking to this girl that I've known for a while and she is now traveling the path of a saved one. We got into a discussion about sex for no apparent reason. She goes on and on about how sex is something special shared between two people that love each other. She also said that sex is overrated.

I'm thinking bullshit.

I told her that you make it what you make of it. Some think it's the worst thing on earth, some embrace it like a philosophy. But it's pretty hard to ignore that sex at one time or another will affect you in ways that you might not think or might not like to think. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen.

It seems these days we've made sex into a casual activity. Something two people two, almost like going out to the movies, or bowling. And sure, protect yourself and be responsible, and why not? Feels great.

But then we still want to keep sex as a meaningful act between two people. An expression of love, more than words can say, all that jazz. And yeah, if you're in love and you have sex, that's a great experience.

But how can the two co-exist? What about cheating? If my girlfriend goes to the movies with some guy that's okay, but if he fucks her that's not okay? What if she goes to the movies with some guy and has a long and meaningful talk with him and really connects and just feels good all around, then goes home and fucks me? What if she goes to a party, gets drunk, and has sex with some random guy? Which is worse? What if she has sex with another girl?

I want to be able to enjoy a life where I could have random, meaningless sexual encounters if I wanted to. But I also want to have a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend if I'm serious about her. As a society, can we do both? I'm not sure myself.


oh and by the way, anyone who says sex is overrated isn't doing it right.




This caused her to pause a little bit and she said that I brought up a very valid point and she looked at me with a newfound respect and admiration. I quickly put a stop to that by suggesting that she let me stick my penis inside her and see what kind of affect it would have on us. I woke up 3 hours later in an alley with a black eye and a really bad headache.

Oh well.

How I got over my cold.

So I had this really bad cold. I struggled in vain to sleep for three days, and finally gave up. I was so tired... I just wanted to sleep. Yet every time I lay down, my nose starts running and gets all stuffed up, and then I start coughing. It's useless to even try.

I had some cold medicine that I took earlier, but apparently it isn't helping in the slightest.

Just when I'm about to give up hope and kill myself with a cookie monster puppet, I hear a knock at the door and it was the good humor man! I was like "Cool!" "Gimme some ice cream, whore!" then he said "yeah right, bitch! I ain't got no ice cream, I'm hear to fuckin' steal your shit!" I said yeah right and I kicked him in the balls with my huge mega foot! I kicked him so hard he morphed into my old dog and he said "it's on now, bitch!" Then he started shooting laser from his doggy mouth that made cat noises, but I just flexed and they deflected from my manly chest. Then hurricane Rita started getting in my face, trying to make me loot and shit and I said fuck that! I gots too much mad intergrity for that bullshit and I grabbed the good humor man/doggie thing and hurled it at that bitch. Bitch was talking mad shit as they both went flying out my window and landed on Mr. Rogers who came back from the dead for no good reason! But it was a good thing because he was trying to rape a hornless unicorn who was riding a gay ass scooter.

Suddenly the gas prices went up to a record high so I stole the scooter and rolled up to Rosario Dawson's crib where we made sweet love on some dude's coffin.
Then I made her fix me a sammich.

And that's how I got over my cold.

"I'm Late."

"I'm Late." Two of the most terrifying words a swinging bachelor could ever hope to hear from a woman. A few nights ago, a girl uttered these words to me
As soon as she said this my mind started racing slightly slower than the speed of light.
"Am I ready for a kid?"
"What am I going to do?"
"I can't afford this!!"
"Is it mine?!!"
"I don't wanna change diapers!!"
"A swift kick to the stomach should do it."
"What would the neighbors think?!!"
"It wouldn't take much to make this girl disappear."
"How much is a plane ticket to Singapore?"

Then I realized something... I've never had sex with this girl. In fact I've never even seen the girl naked! What a relief!
Well after realizing that, I officially stopped caring and continued working on my animation as she mumbled on about not knowing what to do and planned parenthood or something, blah blah blah.

What I think of Sex and the City.

total STDs: 232 and counting

Okay, I was at friends house who is a huge Sex and the City fan and was in the middle of watching season four and since I didn't have anything else to do, I decided what the hell. I've heard so many people rant and rave about this show, but I've never seen it to form my own opinion. Plus it's a chick show.
Anyhoo, it's about 4 upper class white chicks living in the middle of manhattan boo hooing about all the hardships in their lives including men, shopping, sex, relationships and other pointlessly stupid shit that no one but upper class manhattan chicks would bitch about.

I didn't even bother remembering their names, but there's the brunette who is a spoiled museum director who's mission in life is to get knocked up by her equally boring and spoiled husband, but she can't have a baby because her ovaries are as useless as her career.

There's the redhead who is some kind of attorney who jogs and bitches and somehow got knocked up by her ex boyfriend who recently got one of his balls chopped off.

There's the blonde bitch who is a slut from hell and probably fucks about 20 guys a week and NEVER uses protection. Seriously, she literally fucks random dudes she meets in the street and yet she doesn't have a single std?? In real life this bitch would be covered in herpes and genital warts and other unknown lesions. This bitch should be so ripe with disease that plants would wither and die as she walks past them. Dogs would suddenly convulse and die, birds would fall out of the sky as they fly over her contamination zone. The bitch is a walking biohazard.

Last but not least is the cheater played by the horse faced Sarah Jessica Parker. She is by far my LEAST favorite character in the whole show. Turns out that this bitch cheated on her near perfect boyfriend with a dude who treated her like crap. That gets an instant hate on from me since I fucking HATE cheaters and everything about them.
I lost a lot of respect of the near perfect boyfriend because HE TOOK HER BACK like the chump stain that he is! What the fuck?!!! There is no fucking way I would ever take back a dirty fucking cheating whore of a skank back! Oh and big surprise, my friend tells me that they split again and she eventually ends up with the dude she cheated on him with!
BULLSHIT!!
Not only is she a dirty dirty cheater, she's dumb as hell. She doesn't even know how to work a computer, yet she lives alone in a huge ass apartment in nyc, working as a columnist?? Get the fuck outta here! Also, she has ZERO sense of style since all her clothes look like a collection of aborted fetuses sewn into fabric. They should have an episode of her being arrested as a hooker because that's what she looks like.
Another observation I've made is that despite her grotesque horse face, Sarah Jessica Parker has a nice body. It's obvious that she works out on a daily basis, yet her character is pretty much a junk food eating couch potato who is never seen in a gym. Would it kill them to have her join a club? It would explain her six pack.

Anyway, this show does have its moments, but then again the worst shows have moments too and although this isn't the worst show I've ever seen, I don't picture myself watching over and over again like my slightly obsessed friend does.
I worry about the girl sometimes.

Fucking loud mouths!

Why can't some people keep their fucking mouths shut?
Why do some people feel absolutely compelled to get into your business and then blab to the entire fucking world about it? Are their lives so fucking pathetic?
I swear these motherfuckers need to shut the fuck up and get a fucking life because nobody gives a shit who so and so did to whoever!
These fucktards have absolutely NO sense of privacy whatsoever. If you are stupid enough to tell them a deep dark ultra personal secret, rest assured that it will be the topic of discussion at say.... um... I don't know... a fairly large party full of people you don't know.

God it makes me so fucking mad I just want to cave their skulls in with a very large tree branch and smear their brains on canvas and enter it into an art show where I'm sure to win first prize since that's the sort of bullshit that's considered art nowadays.

Random weird thought

If you tied Superman to the hood of your car, would you be able to drive through walls?

Memoirs of a dumb ass.

Kids are stupid and I was no exception when I was a lad. Here's an example:

Once, when I was a kid, I asked my dad, who was watching TV in the living room, if I could watch cartoons. He said "Sure son! Right after the news goes off." and promply changed the channel to CNN.

............I waited for 6 hours before I finally figured out the news wasn't going off.


Fuck.

One of my fave songs.

With the recent tragic events unfolding in New Orleans, I'm reminded of an old song I heard, courtesy of the Simpsons. It goes a little something like this:

Long before the SuperDome,
Where the Saints of football play,
Lived a city that the damned called home.
Hear their hellish roundelay...


New Orleans!
Home of pirates, drunks, and whores!
New Orleans!
Tacky, overpriced, souvenir stores!
If you want to go to hell, you should make that trip,
To the Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississipp'!

New Orleans!
Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile!
New Orleans!
Putrid, brackish, maggoty, foul!
New Orleans!
Crummy, lousy, rancid, and rank!

Note this song was written 12 or 13 years before Katrina hit. Pretty accurate, huh?