I'm not dead

Apparently somebody got shot in the area where I work last night. Well, to all those concerned, I just want to let you know that it wasn't me. I'm okay. My awesomeness is still intact for all to admire and enjoy.

Life is like poker

Life is kind of like poker. Sometimes you get dealt a shitty hand, so you cut your losses and fold. Sometimes, you get pocket aces and you can't lose even if you tried. Sometimes you get a mediocre hand and bluff your way into a good pot.

And sometimes you play your hand perfectly and get fucked on the river and two goons take you out back and break your legs and arms because you don't have the money you owe them and now you're a cripple for the rest of your life all because you were a stupid cocky little dipshit.

That concludes today's words of wisdom

Random thought.

One phrase in movies I'll never understand is: "Only one of us will walk out of here alive."
I mean really... how else are you supposed to walk out of a place?? You can't exactly walk out DEAD... I mean unless you're a vampire, a zombie or stuck in a really bad marriage.

A great new buying opportunity!!

All crackheads share something in common: they will do absolutely anything for money and you can use that to your advantage. The trick is catching them early before they become the strung out emaciated, babbling hobos wandering the street.
You have a small window of opportunity when they haven't yet sold everything they own for a piece of rock, if you do catch them during this magic hour, then you've hit the jackpot!

Forget ebay! There's a growing population of upper class crackheads that not everyone knows about. The best deals lie in the storage units of once prominent lawyers and dentists who sacrificed promising careers to support their habit. Looking for a bargin on a nice set of titanium golf clubs that are usually thousands of dollars? Yours for a hundred bucks. In the market for for a nice cherry wood table set that would normally be around 5000 dollars? Yours for only 200 hundred bucks! Looking for a priceless ring that has been a family heirloom for generations to give to some random broad you met at a truck stop? Take it for 500 smackers! You heard me! It's a crackhead clearance sale! Everything must go!

Oh if the crackhead decides to play "hardball", just wait a couple of days when he starts jonsin' for his next hit and he'll be begging you for any money you're willing to give for his once prized posessions.

This is an amazing discovery! The ultimate deal would be buying a crackhead's 3 story lake front home for a fraction of what it's worth.
Turn one person's tragic affliction into your bargin hunting advantage! Take advantage of this growing opportunity! New upper class crackheads are being produced everyday! It's not just for ghetto folk and white trash anymore! Don't let the pawn shops and drug dealers take this potential gold mine away from you! Sign up now!

People with souls and a general conscience need not apply. Will not be held responsible for any shootings, stabbings, beatings, muggings or general hooliganism.

Crazy town

A guy I know who is in the military told me how psyched he was about going on base this weekend. Apparently he and a bunch of buddies of his plan on shooting the hell out of each other with pellet guns. I'm not talking about those wimpy air powered daisy guns, but the C02 powered guns that can actually cause some damage.

Normally I would question the intelligence and sanity of anyone who would do such a dumbass thing, but then I remembered he was from morristown. After that realization, it made perfect sense.
For those who don't know, morristown is a breeding ground for dumbassery and ignorance on a biblical scale, not to mention it holds the honor of being one of the fastest growing meth producers in the region.
I have never met anyone from there who wasn't a little.... "off". In fact, now that I think of it, some of the most fucked up stories I've heard from friends and the media involve people who are from that area.

I think it should be renamed Crazy-town and be quarantined until the inhabitants die off or interbreed themselves into extinction, then I could enjoy the beautiful scenery there in peace.


Am I exaggerating?
Maybe.

Am I unfairly generalizing an entire group of people from the actions of a few, thus contradicting various things I've said in the past?
Yeah, but I'm awesome so I can get away with it so there!

Why am I talking to myself?
I.... don't.... know.

How funny... (and a little sad)

So I was looking at some old archives in my blog last night and I noticed a particular post that made me chuckle. I was complaining about gas price reaching the unheard of price of 1.75 a gallon and was bitching about the dark day when prices would exceed 2 dollars a gallon.

Fast forward to today where prices are threatening to exceed 3 or 4 bucks a gallon before summer is over. Now I dream about the days when prices were just under 2 dollars.

I used to like driving.

Bear drama

I heard that the universary of Tennessee's vet dept. is examining a black bear to see if it is the one responsible for killing a little girl and mauling her mother and brother. It's pretty cool because that's practically right down the street from where I work.

I think it's a horrible tragedy personally. Imagine what the mother must be going through. When a parent has to beary their child, it can be an unbearable experience.
I just hope the rest of the family can bear with each other during these dark times.
Imagine what kind of guilt the brother must be going through. His sister was killed while he just had a boo boo. He's going to need therapy for years to come, no doubt. How did that happen anyway? How did the little girl die when the other two bearly got away? I would like to meet someone who was there to bear witness.

Think about the park rangers who arrived on the grizzly scene. I mean, what are you going to tell the father? One thing is for sure, I would not want to be the bearer of bad news. I guess the only thing the father can do is just grin and bear it and try to move on. I wonder if the mother is going to bear another child or just let things be.

Just thinking about this situation makes me sad and Baloo, but at the same time someone should have warned these people and others like them that they need the bear necessities when bearing an attack from a bear bearing down on them.


Well I think one thing we've learned from this tragedy is that we americans should exercise our right to bear and carry arms and then maybe something like this can be avoided in the future.




bear

Too picky? MOI???

My friend told me I was being too picky in my house hunting adventures.
She said that I was setting my standards a little too high in looking for a home.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned about the twenty or so confederate flags I saw waving in various front yards as I drove to the house. Perhaps I imagined the odd looks I recieved from my potential neighbors as I got out of my car to look at the house.

Yeah, I'm sure I did... I should buy the house and throw a good ol' fashion housewarming barbeque and invite all my new neighbors. I'm sure the turn out will be interesting.

Thank god for my friend's council, otherwise I would've made a very stupid decision.

One drawback to being a black man.....

... fat women automatically assume that you are interested in them. I can't remember all the times when some fatty gives me that "look" as if I'm naturally drawn to their fatness.
Now I'm not talking about a girl with some curves on her (which I like), but I'm talking about those disgusting huge land monsters who look like they are wearing several life preservers around the area where their waist is supposed to be.

True, most black men have more appreciation for women with a little meat on their bones, but it doesn't mean we're friggin' chubby chasers! Well then again, I have seen some brothers out there with some big fat shamu looking whale chicks, but that doesn't mean we ALL like big fat shamu whale chicks, especially me!

So if you are one of these women and you see me walking down the street, please don't waste your time and start flirting with me, assuming that I will fall under your spell of jiggling and wriggling fat rolls. The most you'll get is my lunch all over your too tight shirt as I throw up all over you.

Return of a friend

The other night I spent some time with someone I had little to no contact with in a year. She had recently resurfaced and wanted to hang out with me and all that crap. I guess I avoided her in the past because I remember the mind numbing awkwardness of two people who had almost nothing to talk about and even less chemistry.

Well to my surprise, she is a completely different person. What was once painful silence is now replaced with an unobstructed flow of real conversation, though most of the conversation consisted of debating, critisizing and off color jokes, it was still a REAL conversation!
The vibrant personality that she had always hidden from me was out in the open for all to see. I could barely believe it.
Later on I found out why she was in such a funk last year... apparently she had some unfinished issues that she had not quite gotten over. After we had broken up, she went back to deal with these issues and unfortunately she ended up being disappointed again.
She was reluctant to tell me about it because she assumed I would call her stupid for doing what she did. That's when I told her about my similar "issue" a couple of years ago which is well documented in my blog if she ever wanted to read about it!

I told her that everybody wastes their time and emotions on people and things that don't deserve it, but often times the only way we learn is the hard way and that includes doing something "stupid".


That's when I was reminded of her strength of character and why I could never bring myself to dislike her even when she was being the world's biggest bitch. Sure I made some off color remarks about her in response to her disrespectful and sometimes bizzare behavior, but I never hated her. I also realized while talking with her that we have a lot in common after all.
I'm finally seeing the real person and I have to admit, I like what I see..... when she isn't being "influenced" by an outside stimulus that is.

It's funny how life works out. You put someone up on a 20 story pedestal and imagine the great "connection" you have with each other only to find out that there isn't much of one at all and the relationship ends in lies and betrayl (sounds like a soap opera) Then there's someone you don't have much in common with and don't think much of at all, but it turns out that you have a stronger connection with them than you thought possible.

She's a good kid. I think I'll keep her around for awhile.