Real or Fake?

I'm thinkin' fake. Still cool to watch though.



HOLY SHIT!(mpg link)

MIA

Well it's been three weeks since Manda's disappearance. Not a peep or sound out of her... not even a sign. So it's gotta mean one thing: She's been kidnapped by ninja alien invaders!! It could happen! Oh well... Only time will tell (though I do have a pretty good feeling on what really happened). I just hope the FBI doesn't come knocking at my door asking some questions. I've already been through that mess before.

More Hilarity!

What a bitch! (mpg link)

BUHAHAHAHAA!!

I've seen this exactly 12 times now and I keep laughing harder each and every time!



Nice shooting, Tex!(mpg link)

Return to the West Club

After 2 months in self imposed exhile, I went to the Westside Courtsouth to do a little cardio/kickboxing. When I first saw the parking lot I immediately remembered why I hadn't been to the west club in 2 months. Good god! There must've been 300 people in that damn place. It was like the polar opposite of the South club (aka paradise) where their idea of crowded is 30 people.



Anyway I had a pretty good workout, but either the instructor was doing an easy program or I'm just in better shape, but I wasn't challenged as much as I preferred. Kate was there and she did something called "Hardcore" which is supposed to really kick your ass and I was intrigued until I found out the program costs 150 bucks! Screw that, I'll just get her to tell me what exercises they did and I'll do it myself!



As for the kickboxing class, pretty much all the regulars were still there including the girl that's at the gym everyday, but actually GAINS weight. I swear she looked even bigger! It's no surprise though since she seems more interested in flirting with the guys than getting a good workout and she probably pigs out on Mcdonalds as soon as she gets out of the gym. Oh yeah, and that older woman was there who always looks at me weird ever since I simply complimented her new hair style 6 months ago. Ever since then she gives me strange looks like I'm lusting after her or something. Even Kate noticed it! Get over yourself, woman! It was just a simple compliment!! Sheesh!



Anyway, after class I did another 15 minutes on the eliptical and got the hell outta Dodge. I look forward to returning to "paradise" today.

Manda

Hmmm... Åmanda's been in quite the funk for the past couple of weeks. I'm sure I didn't do anything since I'm incapable of doing ANY wrong doing. Wow, I just caught a glimpse of myself in the window and I'm looking good! Seriously, it must be some kind of crime lookin' this damn fine! Maybe I should put a full length mirror in my office in case I get lonely and want something beautiful to cheer me up. That'd be cool.



What was this post for again? Oh yeah, Manda's in a funk and that's sad. Maybe I should send her a photo of myself to cheer her up... I know that would make me happy if I got a photo of myself in the mail. That would make my whole day.

Chimneys with the cripple Kate.

Went hiking to the Chimneys with Kate on Saturday and it was pretty fun. Kate was kind of hurting since she had an intense leg workout the other day, but she's always been a soldier and toughed it out anyway. We noticed we were getting a few odd looks. I suggested that they probably don't see too many "negroes" up here and sure enough, I was the only black person within a 20 mile radius...fun. I also suggested that they don't see too many "interracial couples" in these parts either. This really annoyed Kate and she started getting all Malcolm X on me. I just laughed and told her as long as they keep their little thoughts to themselves, don't worry about it.



About half way the trail, Kate was really starting to hurt so I did what any good friend would do: I left her ass behind! I couldn't help it, I was in the zone plus I was trying to break in my new boots. Eventually I made it to the top and about 15 minutes later, Kate finally decided to show up. She cursed herself for being out of shape and being sore from the workout, but I told her to shut the hell up. What's important is that she made it.

It was kind of funny seeing this pencil thin long haired, shirtless "nature dude" trying to impress Kate with his mountain prowess. She just pretty much blew him off and we enjoyed mocking him as he pranced around the rocks.



It was a pretty fun way to spend a Saturday and Kate has turned out to be a really cool chick. I can't believe I used to think she was a boring 'ol stick in the mud.

Redneck Mexicans.

Okay last night I was discussing with my friends about what we were going to do for fun besides sitting inside all night watching crappy movies and playing video games. After a bunch of lame ass ideas were shot down, I suggested going over to the new mexican club I heard one of my friends talk about. My friend said that wouldn't be a good idea. I asked why and he explained to me that the Mexicans there don't like black people. My friend (who is white) said they don't mind white people, especially white women going in, but they can be pretty hostile towards black folks.

I found this to be extremely funny as well as ironic since this particular club is located in the middle of the biggest redneck town in the county.

Geez..... redneck mexicans..... it's bad enough to tolerate that kind of crap from white people, now the MEXICANS hate me too? Where did all THIS hate come from?

I can't remember all the times I've gotten in people's faces for making racist mexican jokes and now I find out that a majority of them hate my guts because I'm BLACK?? I suppose it isn't entirely their fault since they no doubt got this attitude from their white employers and co-workers and I guess they're just trying to fit in.....you know what..... FUCK THAT! They had a choice whether to believe the garbage they've been fed and they CHOSE to be racist fuckers. I know that not all of them are like that, but my eyes are opened now.

FUCK those redneck Mexicans!



This reminds me of these Vietnamese neighbors of mine who absolutely despised black people and everyone else who wasn't vietnamese or white. They always said black people are no good and they're all criminals and dead beats and so on while on the other hand, they praised white people like they were god's gift and could do no wrong.

Well turns out their daughter was murdered by her abusive WHITE husband and their other daughter was knocked up by her WHITE boyfriend who I believe is serving time in prison. Heh.... irony's funny like that.



This also reminds me of white porn stars who refuse to "work" with black porn stars. Let me get this straight..... they don't mind getting virtually raped and jizzed on by a dozen different white porn stars, but they're too good to fuck a black one??

Uppity porn stars... that's like a pig whose picky about what kind of shit it eats.



Once again: FUCK redneck mexicans!

Beheaded dude.

Well another American got his head cut off today and I just wanna know WHY are there still Americans within a hundred miles of that region??? Dumbass contrators, 35,000 tax free dollars a month is NOT enough to risk my beautiful head over.



Co-worker of mine wondered out loud if they'll now offer beheading insurance. Pretty funny!

Fatty fat fatty!

I was at Wal-Mart last night trying on these pants and to my horror, I just couldn't get the damn things on! I couldn't believe this shit! They were labeled "Husky" and I still couldn't get the damn pants on! I know my ass is big but it isn't THAT big! I started thinking that what the fuck is going on here!

Then I read the tag and saw that it was a Husky BOYS... Some dipshit put them in the same pile as the mens. Okay..... I'm retarded. I just know I'm going to appear on "America's Stupidest People" someday.

Close call at Wally World.

I saw this chick last night who looked EXACTLY like Amanda and I was about to slap her upside the head until she turned around. Man, that was close. Then again, I was in a Wal-Mart, somewhere Manda wouldn't be caught dead in.

Booger!

So I was digging inside my nose last night, looking for buried treasure when I pulled out this above average size booger with three hairs attached! This thing was so big, I was afraid I went back a little too far and pulled out a piece of my brain. Hmm... it would explain why I can't remember events from 3 days ago.



Anyway, it was a shame to throw this specimen away.

Oops

I almost stepped on my boss's kid.... accidently of course.

Travel plans with Kate

I was talking with Kate last night and eventually we started yapping about traveling and I have always been amazed at all the places she's seen and done all over the world in her short life.

She suggested that we should go traveling together and reccomended all these places she's been to and crap. Of course I love to do the travel thing as well, but could never quite find someone with as many hook ups as Kate so of course I agreed to this.

We decided the best time to start would be fall since Summer is gonna be a nightmare of tourists from hell. Personally I want to check out the Keys and Charleston before we hit the big ass road trips out west (which is what I've been planning to do anyway). She suggested going to Mammoth Caves in Kentucky which sounded pretty cool. I said we should go next week. She was cool with that idea and depending on her financial situation, it sounded like a plan.

I said we should probably get more people since that would be a lot cheaper (I'm all about cheap), so we'll just have to see.



Either way, this chick better not screw me over!

FUCK YOU, RED IGUANA!!!

Went to the Old City with Kate to check out that new club Red Iguana and somehow she got ahold of some free passes so there's no way I'm passing up free shit!

Anyway, we get to the door and this fat, ugly disgusting fat body of a bouncer with his pubic hair goat tee told us that they were no longer accepting the passes. The passes had a deadline of 10pm, but we showed up at the door way before that, but the fat motherfucker still said he couldn't accept them, hiding behind some lame ass excuse that he was just following orders or some shit.

Anyway, we were both pissed off and walked away trying to find something else to do and when that failed we decided to take the infamous "Tour of Booty™" stroll through downtown and when we passed by the club again we noticed that the same fat fuck bouncer cunt stain was letting people in who had the same damn passes as we did! To add insult to injury, it was past 10pm!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!! We couldn't believe that shit!!! We got snubbed by some lame ass bullshit club that'll probably be out of business in 6 months!!

I can understand why they turned Kate away because she's nowhere near as awesome as I am, but ME??!! They turned ME away?!!! Un-fuckin'-believable! Kate suggested that we were turned away because we didn't fit the Aborcrombie(sp?) and Bitch crowd or some bullshit. If she were a slutty sorostitute and I were more hip, we would've gotten in. I told her that she should shut the hell up before I did it for her and so we continued walking



Fucking Red Iguana... I hope that bitch burns to the mother fucking ground! A curse to all who go there. May your dicks rot away and fall off and your viginas become puss filled, putride pits of disgust!!! FUCK YOU!

Yay me!

I've figured out a new way to use varibles in my action script. This makes things a LOT easier! Just thought I share with all you people who don't give a damn.

I've tested positive

I've been diagnosed with a virus..... the playstation virus. I'm hooked yet again on a fighting game. It's so bad, I just paid 110 bucks for a custom made HAPP Competetion made joystick because those damn control pads are useless for fighting games.

I'm really fighting the urge of skipping the gym and just playing some games all night, but I must be strong because it's not quite time to be a potato! I know it's starting to get REALLY bad because I've been thinking about combo setups more often than sex.... yikes.

2 good things about being at work alone on the weekend...

1. I get to pick my nose in the office with wild abandon without anyone seeing me.

2. I get to use the bathroom with the door wide open



aw shit... someone just walked in the door!

Captain fucking Planet (a small rant)

Captain Planet- Jesus Christ, what was this garbage? Kids with magical rings do SHIT about SHIT, and then get stuck and summon a bisexual demon of some sort. Jesus fucking CHRIST there was so much wrong with this show, I actually have to abbreviate my rants about it, since I can talk shit about this show ad infinitum. OK, so you guys have super-powerful rings and shit, and you do what? Pick up GARBAGE and shit. And tell people not to kill sharks, because then you might get stung by jellyfish!!! THANKS GUYS. By the by, the African kid's mom has AIDS and is dying in a mud hole and eating rocks and shit, you guys might want to hook him up with some help. Or get the Russian girls's family some sandwiches, or do ANYTHING important! You could help the asian girl! But you don't know where she's from, because she's just "asian." She's not Japanese, she's not Korean, she's not Filipino, she's just "AND FROM ASIA! GI!!" What the fuck, that's fucking RACIST!!!! You can't say all asian people are so similar that you don't even need to know where they're from.



And what about the American kid? Lets skip right past the fact that his voice actor was 49, and talk about the fact that they had the Irish guy always mad and BURNING shit with his fire ring. The subtext was that he was drunk, you know that shit. You know they wouldn't give the black guy the power of fire. Oh no. That would scare WHITEY. Or have him like the Russian girl like Wheeler did, can't have THAT interracial romance shit, THAT WOULD BE INSANE. And why does the kid from AFRICA have the fucking Kid 'n Play high top fade?? THIS IS MADNESS! MADNESS!!!



Why is the latin kid (again, no nation specified) LIVING IN THE JUNGLE hand has a PET MONKEY?? What the fuck, that's FUCKED UP. If some dude told you he was from Central America and you said "oh, I bet you lived in the jungle and have a pet monkey and shit" He would be OUTRAGED, that shit is WRONG. And why couldn't the black kid be AMERICAN, and the white kid be from SOUTH AFRICA?? Would that BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND, you fuckers, or ARE YOU JUST RETARDED and RACIST??! Jesus Christ! What the fuck, White people are like 12% of the gobal population, yet they gather teens from around the world (which is creepy a shit BY ITSELF), and end up with two of them? EXCUSE ME?? And why does EVERYONE on EARTH speak ENGLISH???!!



And someone explain to me why Captain Plaet has a GREEN FUCKING MULLET??? Someone DESIGNED that shit!!! Someone sat down at a table, and tried to come up with a design for a superhero, and they said "lets put a male exotic dancer in red knee socks and briefs, and let's see...A fucking MULLET." A MULLET!!!! Oh my mother fucking SHIT, guy, dude, bro, WTF. "And then how about if we make it GREEN..." How about you're fired. How about you should be ASHAMED of yourself. Why are these kids preaching at me to recycle and shit? STFU!! How about you tell us all how to make your fucking FLYING Solar-powered jet, and actually do something to HELP humanity?? How about You buy some fucking pants, you look like camp counelors. How about you stop wearing the same shirt EVERY fucking EPISODE???! What the FUCK is WRONG with you asses?



Why did EVERYONE on that show dress like, unusually, oddly TERRIBLE? "Hi, I'm a rich billionaire, but I like to wear green suits with zebra lining!" "Hi, I'm a respected scientist, but I wear a tight pink bodysuit!" "I'm a radioactive monster, I like to wear Hawaiian-themed shirts and sandals!!" Who came UP with this shit? Fucking liberal fuckers can't come up with something fucking GOOD!!

The Cove

I think it may be time for me to visit good 'ol Cades Cove. I haven't been there in almost a year and it always relaxes me whenever I'm feeling..... hostile.

What the fuck???

Manda compared me to her "friend" whom I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE and I gotta say that wasn't very cool at all. I don't think she meant anything malicious by it which is why I bit my tounge, but it still pissed me off.

Just having my name spoken in the same sentence as hers makes my fucking skin boil.

Hospital blues

After spending the night at the hospital last night I was reminded why I hate them so much. My neck is still killing me. I'm surprised I made in so early to work today.

Big Black Hype

I was thinking of something today... why is it that black people are considered so scary? Let me explain. For some reason whenever people try to scare someone or intimiate them, they throw up the usual "Big angry black man" or "Big black man that went to prison".



Why is someone's skin color so terrifying? how does making someone black suddenly make them scary? If I said there was a big angry buff white guy ready to attack, people would be all "Man, I'd fuck him up with my shotgun, fuck his ass, pussy ass bitch!" But the second you change the guy to a black guy, suddenly people become scared, like "Oh no, uh uh... I'd let him kick my ass and beg him not to kill/rape me!" WTF?



I am sorry, but I really just don't get why making someone black suddenly makes them some invincible scary force that can't be stopped. I mean, if I was stuck in some arena and had to fight two buff angry dudes, and one was white while the other was black, I'm not gonna dismiss the white dude as a bitch, but be all scared of the black guy cuz he's black. It's just so stupid and makes no sense to me. I fail to see how being black makes someone tougher or a better fighter or stronger or more scary. If a big white guy punched you it will hurt just the same. being black isn't gonna make the guy's fist turn to diamond with flames shooting out, geez...



Think I'll rob some white folks.

Dumb bug encounter.

I finally saw one of those locust thingees that only come out every 17 years or so in a parking lot as I was walking towards my car after work. I have to say that they are a lot smaller than I thought. I guess I'm just used to the extreme close ups I've seen on the news and such. They have a pretty cool color pattern going on as well as really cool red eyes. Also, they're extremely DUMB. When I approached this thing it started freaking out and buzzing all over the place while making this annoying screeching sound. Apparently I startled it so much that it fell on it's back with its legs thrashing wildly while still making the screeching sound. I felt sorry for the little dumb ass and flipped it back over and then it kept on buzzing around, screeching like an idiot. Anyway, I started getting bored and considered killing it, but I figured the birds flying around would eat the little fucker so I left. When I got to my car, I looked back and noticed that two sparrows were in the exact spot where I had left the little bug so I imagine it's bird poop by now. Oh well...poor little retarded bug.

Memorial Day

Went to the office to put in a couple of hours of work, but when I saw no one else was there, I said fuck it and left. I decided to do a little shopping at Sams, but I forgot my card! That sucked! So I just decided to rent a couple of videos and veg out at home. Talked to Manda for awhile, but other than that, my ass was planted in my couch. The weather was awesome so I opened up the windows and enjoyed the breeze as I watched my cheesy movies on my big bad surround sound system thingee. Didn't have to worry about neighbors since the complex was pretty much empty because of the holiday so it was nice being able to hear what the system is really capable of. Not bad for a Wal-Mart "Home theatre in a box".

Weekend fun with Kate

On Sunday Kate called me wanting to hang out again and since I didn't have anything else to do, I said why not... besides, she was already on her way... sigh. Wasn't too bad actually--we had dinner at Tomato Head, hung out at her place where she showed me some of her artwork (she's pretty good, though we work in different media) and photography. I also borrowed a couple of CDs of hers, being the mooch that I am.

Later on she drove me to the office where I needed to pick up a couple of things and I gave her an impromtu tour of the place and so on after that she drove me home. Not too shabby. It's good to see Kate finally coming out of her shell.... it only took a year.

weekend fun with Manda

Had fun hanging out with a very sun burned Amanda over the weekend. We couldn't do that much since she was in constant pain, but we still managed to have fun though. I was introduced to the power of Benydril. One pill of that shit knocked me out in under 30 minutes. Granted, I'm not a pill popper so that would explain why I'm so easily knocked out by such things. I was also knocked out by the price: 16 BUCKS for a little bitty bottle. What the fuck ever! Other than that, it was a pretty cool weekend.