Captain Planet- Jesus Christ, what was this garbage? Kids with magical rings do SHIT about SHIT, and then get stuck and summon a bisexual demon of some sort. Jesus fucking CHRIST there was so much wrong with this show, I actually have to abbreviate my rants about it, since I can talk shit about this show ad infinitum. OK, so you guys have super-powerful rings and shit, and you do what? Pick up GARBAGE and shit. And tell people not to kill sharks, because then you might get stung by jellyfish!!! THANKS GUYS. By the by, the African kid's mom has AIDS and is dying in a mud hole and eating rocks and shit, you guys might want to hook him up with some help. Or get the Russian girls's family some sandwiches, or do ANYTHING important! You could help the asian girl! But you don't know where she's from, because she's just "asian." She's not Japanese, she's not Korean, she's not Filipino, she's just "AND FROM ASIA! GI!!" What the fuck, that's fucking RACIST!!!! You can't say all asian people are so similar that you don't even need to know where they're from.
And what about the American kid? Lets skip right past the fact that his voice actor was 49, and talk about the fact that they had the Irish guy always mad and BURNING shit with his fire ring. The subtext was that he was drunk, you know that shit. You know they wouldn't give the black guy the power of fire. Oh no. That would scare WHITEY. Or have him like the Russian girl like Wheeler did, can't have THAT interracial romance shit, THAT WOULD BE INSANE. And why does the kid from AFRICA have the fucking Kid 'n Play high top fade?? THIS IS MADNESS! MADNESS!!!
Why is the latin kid (again, no nation specified) LIVING IN THE JUNGLE hand has a PET MONKEY?? What the fuck, that's FUCKED UP. If some dude told you he was from Central America and you said "oh, I bet you lived in the jungle and have a pet monkey and shit" He would be OUTRAGED, that shit is WRONG. And why couldn't the black kid be AMERICAN, and the white kid be from SOUTH AFRICA?? Would that BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND, you fuckers, or ARE YOU JUST RETARDED and RACIST??! Jesus Christ! What the fuck, White people are like 12% of the gobal population, yet they gather teens from around the world (which is creepy a shit BY ITSELF), and end up with two of them? EXCUSE ME?? And why does EVERYONE on EARTH speak ENGLISH???!!
And someone explain to me why Captain Plaet has a GREEN FUCKING MULLET??? Someone DESIGNED that shit!!! Someone sat down at a table, and tried to come up with a design for a superhero, and they said "lets put a male exotic dancer in red knee socks and briefs, and let's see...A fucking MULLET." A MULLET!!!! Oh my mother fucking SHIT, guy, dude, bro, WTF. "And then how about if we make it GREEN..." How about you're fired. How about you should be ASHAMED of yourself. Why are these kids preaching at me to recycle and shit? STFU!! How about you tell us all how to make your fucking FLYING Solar-powered jet, and actually do something to HELP humanity?? How about You buy some fucking pants, you look like camp counelors. How about you stop wearing the same shirt EVERY fucking EPISODE???! What the FUCK is WRONG with you asses?
Why did EVERYONE on that show dress like, unusually, oddly TERRIBLE? "Hi, I'm a rich billionaire, but I like to wear green suits with zebra lining!" "Hi, I'm a respected scientist, but I wear a tight pink bodysuit!" "I'm a radioactive monster, I like to wear Hawaiian-themed shirts and sandals!!" Who came UP with this shit? Fucking liberal fuckers can't come up with something fucking GOOD!!
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