Attention ladies!

any takers?

Britney's new look.

Returning to her white trash roots.



Look kids! It's CRACK WHORE BRITNEY! Ah, that girl...always reinventing herself!

Such an inspiration to girls everywhere.

Bad news/Good news

Bad news: Washed my car earlier today and sure enough it was covered with bird shit when I walked out of work. Fucking disgusting little bastards!!!



Good news: I found out that I can get basic cable for 12.50 a month!! SWEET!!! That means I can qualify for cable internet at a MUCH lower price! Everything is finally going according to plan.

Debbie returns from the grave.

I was resting at home, recovering from the gym and enjoying watching the track and field ladies when I get a call from Debbie. I hadn't seen her in 2 years and it was cool catching up with her for awhile. She asked me if I was seeing someone (why does everybody ask me that??) I said it was a little "complicated". After telling her the story, she gave her typical ghetto relationship advice and somehow convinced me to go see the movie "Anacondas" with her. Man, I miss the girl and everything, but I don't know if she's worth throwing away 7 bucks over. We're supposed to go tonight, but I'm gonna see if i can weasel out of it. "Anacondas"... give me a fucking break.

A morning in the bank.

Went to the bank to make a car payment this morning and I had to endure a rather stank ass attitude from the teller. Just because I gave her a debit card from another credit union she had to do a few extra steps to process the payment. That means that she actually had to GET OUT OF THE CHAIR!! GASP!! Heaven forbid that she should burn off half a calorie by having to get off her fat ass and walk 6 feet to another computer!

I had a brief thought of reaching over the counter and do the 'ol "boot to the face" routine, but I remembered there were cameras everywhere and would probably frown upon that.



Oh well...

The face of pure evil.

she's evil I tells ya!,



This is a snapshot of my pilates instructor while she was in a particularly foul mood on Tuesday. Probably because she hasn't had her fill of children's souls yet.

Oh how lovely.

I decided to visit the blog of one of my millions of readers and I found THIS PIC. Now I wonder how on earth would some chick look at this and actually find it sexy. My god... seriously, I am shocked that this planet isn't overrun by lesbians. Being a manly macho bad ass heterosexual male (a dying breed) I guess I'm just hardwired to be repulsed by ugly hairy man ass.

Ghetto Benetton

osama's crew



"Urban kids" come in third on the list of things that always make me laugh by nuts off. Elvis impersonators and monkeys in suits are the top two.

An observation

gets laid a lot



Yeah, it's easy to look at the half retarded imbecile and tear him a new one, but then I realize that he probably has a girlfriend and gets laid every hour. Which is more than I can say. Wonder if there's still room on the waaahbulance.

Damn kids

courtesy of xmission



I swear everywhere I look all I see are unruly, undisciplined, spoiled little shits running around. It's not their fault though. The blame lies squarely on the PARENTS. That's right... these lazy, limp wristed, fucktards who don't wanna own up to their responsibilities and fucking CONTROL the fucking kids!

Look...it's simple:

Kid talks back to you: WHACK 'EM!

Kid won't shut the hell up during a movie: WHACK 'EM! Or better yet, if I'm there, let me do it!

Kid tears open shit in the store: WHACK THE HELL OUTTA THEM! That's money out of your pocket!

Kid rolls their eyes at you: WHACK 'EM!

Is you kid troubled by angst? Show 'em the trouble end of your shoe!

Kid won't eat their veggies? WHACK 'EM with a cucumber!

Kid gets beaten up by a bullie: WHACK 'EM and tell them to stop being a pussy!

Kid asks you for money: WHACK 'EM upside the head with your wallet and tell the bastard to get a job.

Kid won't get you a beer: WHACK 'EM and then whack their mother out of spite.



You get the idea. I'm telling you, a good whack will make any fucking kid behave. I'm gonna be a kick ass father.

Dodging the drama

Time to choke a bitch!



I'm so cool. The other night a friend of mine called to see what's up. Well this is good and bad. It's good because she's a pretty cool girl and everything, it's bad because she ALWAYS bitches about her damn boyfriend! What makes it even more annoying is that she asks for my advice and DOESN'T LISTEN TO A FUCKING THING I SAY!!!



Well not this time. She started out with the same 'ol bullshit of asking me how I've been, how's my day, have a girlfriend yet, blah, blah, blah. I calmly answered her questions, knowing what was coming next. And right on schedule she starts yappin' about the latest thing her boyfriend has done to piss her off. Then she starts whining about not being able to see him as often as she'd like because he's always traveling and boo hoo hoo!

Normally this is where i get all sympathic and do the whole "there, there, it'll be alright" routine, but NOT THIS TIME. It just really pissed me off that she's complaining about her relationship while I currently don't have one, so my patience was fucking gone!

Instead of telling her what she wanted to hear I just stayed quiet. Everytime she asked what she should do, I just said "I dunno", refusing to take the bait. Well after several awkward silences (for her) she said she had to go do some shopping or whatever and hung up.



Oh well.... sorry I had to be so cold with her, but maybe now she'll realize that she has to handle her own shit and not to ask for advice when YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO LISTEN!!

Plus she stood me up the other week so she could chill with her boyfriend. Normally I don't have a problem with this, but she actually gave me her word that she would hang with me "since I asked first". Apparently that was bullshit. Bitch didn't even call to let me know ( I had to find out from someone else where she was) and she still hasn't even acknowleged it weeks later.



Bitter? YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT I AM!!!

Comedy in the Old City

Well after MONTHS of persistant nagging, I finally decided to join Lisa on comedy night in the Old City. I have to admit that it was pretty damn funny! These guys are a pretty talented bunch even though they choked a couple of times, but considering all of it was improv, I think they did a great job.

It was a little hard to concentrate at times since I had been up since 8am and just got out of a grueling pilates class, but it was still fun.



Afterwards, Lisa wanted to take a tour of my office. Why, I don't know. I really didn't want to go back to the place where I had just spent 10 hours of my life earlier, but she wanted to see it. I gave her the quick 2 cent tour and everything and she was "attacked" by the two vicious Boston terrier guard dogs, Otis and Madilene. ooo! scary!



Anyway, after that we went our separate ways and I went home, gawked at some gymnasts (that I recorded earlier) and passed out. Not a bad change of pace.

FUCK YOURSELF, PAUL HAMM!!

Yeah! Fuck him up, Korean dude!





Seriously, this guy has got to be the biggest cock sucker of the olympics.



Not only is he a total bitch for not giving up his medal, he's such a peice of shit all around. After all the events he's just sitting around with a scowl on his face with his douche bag brother. He never gives props to the other gymnasts. All of the other gymnasts congratulate each other after thier routines, did you see after the canadian guy won, every one was going around all happy hugging each other. Not paul, he's sittting off to the side being a douche bag. Wtf is this guys problem...you aren't hot shit pal, you look like tim from joe schmo 2, and even though he looks like a tool, he's atleast a nice guy.



So like the title says...fuck Paul Hamm, and you know what...fuck his brother too.



And another thing, fuck that stupid annoucer on NBC. YEsterday during the high bar event, the real olympic all round champion from korea came up to do his routine, and the guy just starts shit talking him. "oh, i've never seen paul hamm screw up on his high bar routine" Shut the fuck up you idiot.



Seriously, having dicks like this on tv is why americans get a bad name from other countries.

Crybaby Russian chick

Apparently some ugly russian crybaby bitch thought she was screwed at the olympics for placing second in the gymnastics all around. Basically she says the judges were biased towards the US and she never had a chance and blah blah blah... Anyway, here's the link---> Crybaby

She should just shut the hell up and bend over in front of the camera for my personal enjoyment.... she's LEGAL, DAMMIT!

This is for the Russian broad who got the silver in Gymnastics.

Suck it up, ya has been! You suck and you lost, ya commie!

New Intern

Wow. The new Intern cusses like a sailor! I've never heard such dreadful language. Shame!



How many fucking interns does this company have anyway??

still single...

Yapped with my sis the other day, catching up on things and talking trash about all the stupid people in the world. Then she starts bugging me about me not having a girlfriend and if i had any "prospects" or whatever. I told her the only girl I was interested in doesn't feel the same about me and I really don't wanna go through the crap of finding another one. So much effort. She called me a punk and told me to suck it up or something as heart warming as that.



Personally, I'm just gonna sit back and let things come to me. People keep saying you always meet someone when you aren't looking. Well I'm going to test this little theory out. I've also noticed that the people who say this already HAVE a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's all I can do to stop myself from smashing their faces in with a brick. We'll see.

Sunday

Sigh... not much to talk about. Just a typical lazy Sunday for me. I don't think I got out of bed (other than to use the bathroom) until 1:00 or so.

I did some Pilates off of one of the dvds I rented from Netflix to help get the blood flowing. It was a lot better than that Denise Austin bullshit, although the ultra mellow music and the monotone instructor nearly put me to sleep. The chicks on the tape were nice to ogle at least. One had to "modify" her technique since she had some rather large breasts getting in the way. I hate it when that happens.



I also found out that one of my fillings fell out. So now i have to pay a little visit to the dentist. Oh boy. I also have to get my knee checked out. It's been making some odd sounds lately. Doesn't hurt, but better to be safe than sorry.



Ugh... I'm falling apart!

Saturday night.

I went to see Exorcist: The Beginning on Saturday. I really didn't expect much from the movie. Why they still try to top the original I'll never know. Anyway, it was fair, I guess. It kind of dragged at the start, but it got somewhat better near the end. Like I said... it was fair.



After the movie I ate dinner at Kanpai or however the hell you spell that damn name. It's been awhile since I last ate there and it was damn good! I wish I hadn't eaten earlier or else I would've finished my food. Had some TCBY afterwards and then drove around aimlessly around Knoxville for no good reason before calling it a night.

FUCKIN' Linkin Park

I swear to the almighty himself, I'm am getting pretty fuckin' tired of these candy ass, purse carrying spikey haired nancy boys!

I can't go 5 fucking seconds without hearing one of there g*ddamn motherfucking, whiney, screaming pussified voices that zit covered angst ridden teenage virgins seem to spank to.

Fucking Linkin Park...what the FUCK is a "LINKIN" is that the cool way to spell LINCOLN nowadays?? OOOooo! "Fuck you, society! We'll spell it any fucking way we want to!!"

Fucking pricks... what's up with that asian dude who thinks he can rap?? Mother fucker sounds the exactly the same in every fucking song! And that smug look he has while he's doing it, like he actually thinks that he's good while doing it! FUCK YOU!

And that bald mother fucker who screams his fucking head off and sounds like some castrated fucking poodle. Let me tell you a music industry secret: The less talented a band is, the louder they fucking scream! Fucking twigboy looking under fed pussy. I'd love to punch him square in the face... I'm not kidding..... I would react violently if I ever saw this son of a bitch in the street.



The fucking kids are sheep. Linkin Park comes from the some cooporate bastards who created such gems as the Back sTreet Boys, NSync and all those other half queer boy bands. The only difference here is that Linkin Park (god I hate that name) has more "attitude".

Maybe these pansies were actually the real deal once upon a time but once they signed that multi-billion dollar contract, they became butt monkeys to the coorporate fat cats until they no longer become profitable. Just like so many before them have done.



I don't blame them for "selling out". Hell, they got into this business to make money and by god, that's exactly what the fuck they did. Shit, I'd do the same damn thing. Then again, I'd bash a puppy with a tire iron for 20 bucks.



"Selling out" what the fuck does that mean anyway?? I get sick of the "purist" little pukes dissin' people for choosing to make a little cash for their hard work. Let me get this straight.... they should continue playing at shitty little dives and live out of their van just so they can be "real". FUCK YOU, you sheltered emo mother fuckers! I hate you sumbitches more than Linkin Park!!

Nobody gives a fuck about your opinion. Unlike mine, because I'm incredibly awesome and insightful as hell. Fuck you if you don't agree.



God, all this pent up anger and agression...it's boiling inside me....it's festering uncontrollaby...it's...it's..... CRAAAAAAAALLINNNNGGGG INNNNNNN MYYYYY SKIIIIIIIIIIN! THESE WOUNDS I CANNNNOT HEEEEEEEEALLLL!!





AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!

Good Bye, cruel world

Well it looks like I won't have time to do anything next week. I have a HUGE project due by next Friday, but I haven't really had a chance to make decent head way on it since I haven't gotten any feedback from the client. It's been almost 2 weeks since we sent them the file to look at. I just know they're going to wait to the last second and tell us to make a butt load of changes.

DAMN IT. This is a pretty huge turd in my Corn Flakes!

Intercourse

Why do people act surprised when they find out I've had sex?? Yeah, it's been awhile, but I was once sexually active.... can't really remember the details, but I'm pretty sure that I've had relations with women. Sigh.....

My boss is a junkie....

....A frisbee golf junkie that is. Why couldn't he be a video game junkie? That would rule.

Lauren rebooted

I talked with my good friend and former co-worker Lauren the other day for the first time in awhile. Even though it was over IM, it was still good to chat with her. Same 'ol Lauren. I'd forgotten how much she cracks me up. I also found out that she's a big pilates fan. She's been doing for 3 years, so she could kick my ass.... for now. Anyway, she said I could borrow her tape anytime. Coolness!



She's a good kid.

Meet your new Pilates instructor....SATAN!

There was a new Pilates instructor yesterday who I'm convinced came from the darkest corner of hell. This guy was insane! He was on a whole other level and he tortured even the most advanced students in the class! Damn it, I'm still having trouble feeling my lower body. I never thought the human body could be put in those kind of positions. Actually, the human body CAN'T be put in any of those positions which is why I'm convinced that he isn't human! He's some demon hell beast sent from beyond to open the final seal of the apocalypse! IT'S TRUE! Here's a picture of him. Evil bastard. Kate was there, she said she's some sort of manager person now and yapped about a bunch of other crap, but I really didn't hear what the hell she said, being in excrutiating pain and all. I used her to wipe myself off and did some cardio.



Today, I do the same thing again.

"Holy crap! Did you see that?!"

That's what I yelled to my co-worker as we were walking to work when I saw some dorky bastard riding one of those segway contraptions down the Old City. That was one of the best laughs I've had in a long time! Then I got distracted by some Emo chick I don't know what it is, but I can't stop looking at them. I feel like Jane Goodall studying the chimps.



By the way, I DID NOT draw that crud little picture that comes nowhere close to my awesomely incredible art skillzz.

The Return of Mariell.... she was gone??

Well Mariell is back from her trip to Florida safe and sound from the ravages of Hurricane Charley. Actually, she tells me that she was nowhere near the storm so that's good. I was a little concerned there for awhile. I would really hate it if she was blown to Oz or something. Then again, she might feel right at home with all the other munchkins running around.

AVP (Alien versus Predator) Review. SPOILERS.

Going into this movie, I knew that it was a production from that god awful director, Paul Anderson. The same guy who brought us gems like Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat 2 to name a couple. When I first heard this, my heart sank and my expectations became somewhat lowered, but I've waited over 10 years to see this comic based story on the big screen so might as well commit to it. Besides, I managed to get a free ticket anyway.

Okay, first thing I noticed and didn't like about the movie is that it is set in 2004. What the fuck??? It turns out that the aliens have been on earth the entire time?? One of the cool things about the alien movies is imagining the horror if they ever made it to Earth. But no need to worry, THEY'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

Sheesh. Apparently the preds have been using earth as their hunting ground for centuries now and they even taught the ancient civilizations to build pyramids or some ridiculous shit like that. Just an example of Anderson bastardization both franchises.

Anyway, this group of humans is sent down to investigate some goofy pyramid that's in the middle of Antartica which happens to be where the preds keep the aliens. Get a good look at them because between the preds and the aliens they die off REALLY fuckin' quick. I'll give a cookie to anyone who can remember any of their names.



When the preds and aliens start fighting, I couldn't help notice how quickly two of the preds get taken out. WHAT THE FUCK! In the comic, one pred is more than a match for at least three aliens. These two get owned by one. CRAP!!



Anyhoo, the last pred is a bad mofo and he kicks a lot of ass, so I guess it evens out.



Anyhoo, a few more humans get killed off and/or become hosts for the alien offspring and next thing you know, the queen is set free and she starts rampaging like a damn T-Rex for no good reason. Seriously....it's like they cut 1/4 of the movie out. What the hell? Just another example of Anderson's shitty cut corners handiwork.



The last pred and human decide to team up for no apparent reason and the pred decides "Fuck it." and activates his self destruct thingee and tosses it into the pyramid and they both haul ass outta there and outrun the obligatory fireball explosion thing.



Well the pred and chick form a bond as he marks her with the "mark of the warrior" and just when it looks like they're about to kiss, KABOOM! It's the T-Rex!! I mean, it's the queen alien in all her computer generated glory! How she managed to survive a NUCLEAR EXPLOSION and being buried under millions of tons of rock is not important. The important thing is she's pissed and ready to rampage around for no good reason! Damn you, Anderson!



yawn... I mean, ANYway, the pred and chick start duking it out with queenie and the alien gets the upper hand on the pred and goes after the girl who must've been a track star or something because she manages to outrun a 30 foot monster that looks it was running at 50 mph! Just when you thought it was curtains for the girl, the pred jumps in for the save and for his trouble he gets a tail through the gut!

The girlie somehow manages to tie the queen to some big metal thing and toss her over a cliff into the frozen sea.



The chick goes to the pred just in time to see him croak, but it ain't over yet. A great big 'ol pred ship swoops down the the head pred sees "the mark of the warrior" on her face and gives her his great big 'ol bad ass spear thingee for no good reason and the take off, leaving the chick by herself in the middle of Antartica. Nice.



OOOOOh! But it's not over yet! Later on the pred ship, we see the body of the dead pred left alone for no apparent reason and BOO! A chestbuster pops right outta him! THE END! What the fuck?!!



Paul Anderson can suck my dick! He took a brilliant movie and comic book franchise and pissed all over it. He's killed the 12+ year dream of millions of geeks like myself in 87 minutes. Yes, 87 minutes. What the fuck is that? Couldn't even devote a full 90 minutes for this movie??

Granted, it wasn't the worst movie I've seen, but it certainly wasn't the best. I mean, it started getting actually good near the middle until it seemed Anderson ran out of ideas so he decided to blow everything up and jump right into the final battle scene.

There was ZERO character development. Granted, I'm not there to see a bunch of humans runnin' around, but if you're not even going to bother developing their characters before killing them, why even bother having them there at all?



The Cg, costumes and effects were well done, but wasted on such a weak script.



Sigh, the only thing that kept me from despising this movie is me reminding myself that this was a Paul Anderson movie and it was bound to be mediocre at best. It was a little better than mediocre, but hardly a sci-fi classic.... it could've been if a REAL director had been at the helm *COUGH* CAMERON! *COUGH*, but oh well....



Anderson, you can go directly to HELL! You British, limey piece of crumpet eating shit! Stick to making shitty Resident Evil movies you talentless fuck! Consider yourself Gypsy cursed!

After Morristown

After getting back from Morristown, I decided to drop by 4620 to listen to some gool 'ol jazz music. It took forever for the band to start playing and the crowd consisted of 40- something married couples. Drag.

However, this one girl, who looked like she was in her mid twenties approached me and started chatting with me and being all friendly and what not. She was pretty cute, too, but not really my type, plus she had that annoying "perky" personality that really clashes with my own... besides, I think she was a little drunk. Still it was nice to see that some chicks out there find me attractive enough to talk to. Previous to that, the only female who showed me any interest that night at all was Manda's dog. She just couldn't get enough of my crotch.



Eventually, I started getting really tired and I took off. I went over to Kroger and picked up some cookie dough (inspired by Manda) and went home. I baked some cookies, ate a few and went to bed. Yay.

Chillin' at Morristown

I spent the day visiting Manda over in Morristown which was pretty darn fun! Of course, I still had a little trouble finding her house and needed some assistance, but other than that, it was cool.

She took me on a tour of the place, including her old high school which was smack in the middle of the ghetto, although I've seen MUCH worse ghettos than that.

We went to the mall which was weird because they had carpet on the floors. Who the hell puts carpet in a mall???

Anyway, the whole place was kinda lame, filled with white trash and 8th grade girls dressed like whores.

We also went to Panther Park which was cool as fuckin' hell, especially the view of the Cherokee Lake. Good grief it felt like we were about a thousand feet high. Cool stuff!



We eventually ended up eating at Applebee's where the server wasted no time hitting on Manda. Sheesh, it was like I wasn't even there! I teased her about it for awhile, but she started getting annoyed by the guy and we got the hell outta Dodge after we were done.

Then we went to Ingles for some odd reason before calling it a night. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

FUCK YOU, DENISE AUSTIN!!

I bought a pilates dvd starring that annoyingly fit instructor, Denise Austin. This thing just plain sucks! It's not real pilates, it's more like a bastardization of it! This broad added in a whole bunch of unwanted crap that really doesn't do anything and not only that, but I couldn't do half the exercises because I didn't have one of those stupids ass "pilate bands" which were sold seperately of course.

What a fuckin' rip off! I feel like such a damn tool! Go to HELL, Denise Austin!!!!

Shuffling around Wally World

I went to Walmart tonight for no good reason and wandered around aimlessly for 20 minutes.

I know I went there for something, but I completely forgot and walked out with a protein bar(??). That was kind of weird.

The end is near....

I've seen this coming for awhile now. Might as well learn to accept it.

MY EXCITING HELL RELOADED.

I had to go digging into my code to get rid of some bullshit that redirected my blog to some lame ass piece of shit site that nobody cares about and while doing that, I decided to give the 'ol blog a new look. Doesn't look too bad if I do say so myself.

Pillates chick

Went to another Pillates class again which was harder than hell since I had one the previous day and afterwards a woman approached me and commented how good my form was for someone who has only taken a total of 4 classes. She said she had been doing them for several months and she really felt a difference.



We chatted a bit more and just when I'm starting to think that this chick might be interested, she tells me she's a Spinning instructor and tells me I should really take her class. She was just trying to pimp her class the whole time.

For those of you not in the know, these people are like salesmen, constantly trying to fill their classes with as many people as they can get ahold of. I don't know if they get a bonus or something, but they can be pretty persistant. Anyway, I pretty much lost all interest in what she was saying, but I decided to be nice and asked her name before I left. She actually looked a little surprised/offended that I didn't know who she was. What the fuck does she think she is? A fucking celebrity?? I've never seen the broad before and she gives me this attitude for simply asking her fucking name??? I've noticed that most of the younger fitness instructors have this same arrogance about them and she was no different. I've already forgotten her name. I'm sure she's done the same.

Oh well. I still had a pretty good work out.

3rd wheel.

Why do people say this when they feel like they're in the way? Isn't 3 wheels still a tricycle? And tricycles are still pretty darn mobile.

I think saying that you feel like a fifth wheel is a more accurate description.



I dunno... I think of such things like this when I'm not thinking about food, video games or sex (in that order)

New neighbor

Just met my new neighbor a few minutes ago and I've already forgotten her name despite a lengthy conversation. That happens a lot when I'm hungry.

"HUH??? YOU?!!! NO WAY!!!"

That was pretty much the reaction of my friend the other day when i told her about a certain sexual episode from my past. She kinda freaked because she said I came off as rather prudish. I get that a lot.



She's just mad because I beat her to it.

Enter Stinky

Hung out with Manda yesterday and ate some IHOP before deciding to go to Sevierville to check out some adult store for no good reason. On the way there She kept going on and on the omlette not agreeing with her and I told her to hold it in until she got out of my car. She then proceeded to tell me that I drove like an old man despite the fact i was going over 80mph. She informed me that she's gone over 110mph down this particular stretch of interstate. Whatever.....

Eventually we got to the smut shack and I expressed disappointment that there weren't any chicks dressed like whores to greet us.

We look around for a bit and i have to say that they have the WORST porn selection I've ever seen. This is like trailer trash porn shot with a video camera. The women on the boxes were so scary that it actually put me OUT of the mood. Bleh!

Anyway, I noticed Manda acting kind of weird as she drifted to a corner and unfortunately I found out why. Well apparently she couldn't hold it in for much longer and she proceeded to spark a couple off in the store!

It was kind of funny because it sounded like a broken trumpet or something. Manda starts to crack up as i slowly walked away from her pretending not to know this strange 6ft blonde chick stinkin' up the porn store.



Anyway, we spent a few more minutes browsing the filth and sinful toys of fornication until, like all porn, it just got boring and we took off.



Afterwards we drove around K-town, looked around the video store and a bunch of other crap all while Manda, aka: "Stinky" was laughing about sparking one off again. I soon called it a night after that.

Comedy at the Zone.

Went to the Comedy Zone with Lisa and few other people and had a pretty good time! The comdeians were actually pretty damn funny except the last one went on a tad too long, in my opinion, but it was all good. I'm glad I didn't get called out by any of them despite the fact we were sitting near the front row.

After the show I shot the shit with Lisa, Mel (who was looking pretty damn good.) and her friend. I forgot her name,but I remember her cleavage. She seemed like a pretty cool chick as well. Funny too.



It was also kind of disappointing because all the girls I scoped out ended up having boyfriends, husbands, somebody else's husband, whatever. Particularly this one girl who sat at the table next to us who was unbelievably beautiful and I was definitely going to make a move until her big fat ugly goofy looking motherfucker of a boy sat down between us! COCK BLOCKED!!

Lisa suggested that they might be brother and sister or friends or something like that. That little theory was blown outta the water when I saw them suckin' face (and nearly vomitted as well.)



Anyway, we spent about an hour discussing different things, one of them being my blog "persona". WHATEVER. I'm awesome. Deal with it.



I also need to catch up on my foamy the squrriel movies. Man, that little rodent cracks me up! I thought it was funny when Mel told me that the people at Hot Topic didn't know who Foamy was. Buncha posers....how can you be a "punk, goth, non-conformist, angst ridden teenager/young adult and NOT know about Foamy?? Go back to StarBucks, ya noobs!



Anyway, it started getting late and we went our separate ways. Mel kicked me in my ass and my natural reaction was to grab hers, but I behaved myself. Anyhoo, having thought of something sexual, naturally I started thinking about food and ended up going to Denny's where I took advantage of their 4.99 breakfast deal! MMMmmm.... cheap breakfast.....

Cheap bastards

Well I just found out that the people I've been designing a hockey logo for aren't actually clients, but their "buddies" of a co-worker of mine who are trying to save a few bucks.

I've been bending over backwards for these picky fuckers and redesigned the damn thing 4 times and now I find out that they aren't actually paying clients?? This is easily a 200+ dollar job (which is a fucking steal, by the way) and I'm doing this shit for FREE??

My co-worker said they'll pay me SOME money and maybe give me a couple of jerseys IF they go with the logo... that's a big fucking IF. Jerseys don't pay bills! I made my displeasure known to him.

Basically there's nothing to stop these shitheads from deciding that they want to go with someone else and not pay me dick!



I guess this would make a decent portfolio piece, but I DON'T like being fucked around like this.

Pussy driver.

I saw the wussiest thing today. Some dude in front on me was driving a Dodge Ram 1500 with one of those lifter kits that makes the thing into a monster truck, complete with the big ass tires. Anyway, when he turned into my apartment complex, he actually SLOWED DOWN when he went over the speed bumps like an old lady! I mean, this guy could crush small buildings with his truck yet he was extra careful driving over the speed bumps? Maybe he didn't wanna knock down his purse or something.

Fraggin' pussy! If you're gonna pump a few grand in your truck to make it into bad ass on wheels, you could at least drive like you got a pair!



I'm sure his penis is tiny.

Well DUH!

Amanda called me "cheap" last night. I responded by saying "and?"

STILL can't believe she gave me a wedgie.

Pilates hell.

Went to Pilates class yesterday and the instructor must've been pissed because she kicked our asses with her "more advanced" routine. Even my friggin' fingers hurt today. She still has an incredible ass though.



On a brighter note, i just found out that everyone in the office will be getting parking passes soon. No more walking 2 blocks to work! Of course this should've happened 3 years earlier, but better late than never I suppose.

Okay, am I just a prude??

I've asked several of my girl buddies how many guys they've kissed in their lives. REAL kisses involving tounge, not the pussy ass kiss on the cheek bullshit and to my surprise, the average number was over 35. Now they didn't sleep with all of them mind you, but still, some of these chicks are a lot younger than me yet they've managed to kiss about 2 times as many people than me??

My head hurts....

17

That's the number of girls I've kissed in my lifetime. Ever since Lisa told me she's kissed about 50 guys, I decided to review my own kissing history. That's actually more than I thought.

Thought about sex yesterday....

but then I started thinking about food. Then I started thinking about buying food. Then i started thinking about the hassle involved in buying the food. Then I started thinking about sex again. Then I remembered that I needed to pay my rent. Thought about chinese food. Researched the advantages/disadvantages of cable and DSL broadband. I ended up playing video games. Got annoyed when I found out there was a contract involved in the DSL plan, plus a whole bunch of hidden costs. Played some more video games. Went to bed.



Welcome to my life.

THE END.

The Return of Manda.

Saw Amanda for the first time in months and one of the first things she does is give me wedgie. That's right. A wedgie. I've gone through kidergarten through high school and beyond without EVER getting a wedgie. How odd.

'The Village' review: SPOILERS!

Okay consider this the third strike against M. Night Shamamlamadingdong. After seeing Sixth Sense, I knew this guy has some talent, but that belief was severely shaken after watching his follow up movies "Unbreakable" and "Signs", but before totally branding this guy as a hack, I decided to give him one more chance with "The Village"....Well guess what? M. Night is officially a fucking one hit wonder, overrated fucking HACK!



Damn it, I can't remember a movie causing me this much physical pain!



When they first showed the "monster", it looked like a prop from the "Dark Crystal". You remember that movie don't you? Bunch of giant muppets walking around.



I admit, the build up was pretty good early on since you didn't know that the monsters were fake, but nothing made me jump out of my seat or anything like that. The whole "run by the camera real quick while playing jump scare music" is pretty much played the fuck out.



I started putting everything together when Walker takes Ivy to the shed and I actually leaned over to my friend and said that I had figured out what's going to happen and hoped I was wrong. Well unfortunately, I WASN'T. After that, I lost all interest in this movie. I even figured out that they were really in the 21st century.



That so called "mini twist" where the "real" monster was chasing Ivy didn't fool me. I just figured it was some elder from the village trying to bring her back. But it was just the retard Noah.



What's up with the pointless obligatory M. Night cameo? Seems like he was just there to explain the reason why no one has seen any planes. Did he not even notice the rookie taking drugs out of the fridge?? Or did he not even care? Stupid.



And WHY did this movie refuse to END???!! Sheesh! I thought Return of the King's ending dragged on, but at least it was justified.



To sum this shit bomb up: It's like a girl giving you a god tier blowjob and just when you're about to nut, she gets bored and walks away, leaving you to take care of business yourself, but you can't because your dick won't respond to your hand, so you're just forced to sit there and wait for her to come back and finish up, but she never does cuz she's too busy doing the same thing to your dad.

That's The Village in the a fucking nutshell.