'The Village' review: SPOILERS!

Okay consider this the third strike against M. Night Shamamlamadingdong. After seeing Sixth Sense, I knew this guy has some talent, but that belief was severely shaken after watching his follow up movies "Unbreakable" and "Signs", but before totally branding this guy as a hack, I decided to give him one more chance with "The Village"....Well guess what? M. Night is officially a fucking one hit wonder, overrated fucking HACK!



Damn it, I can't remember a movie causing me this much physical pain!



When they first showed the "monster", it looked like a prop from the "Dark Crystal". You remember that movie don't you? Bunch of giant muppets walking around.



I admit, the build up was pretty good early on since you didn't know that the monsters were fake, but nothing made me jump out of my seat or anything like that. The whole "run by the camera real quick while playing jump scare music" is pretty much played the fuck out.



I started putting everything together when Walker takes Ivy to the shed and I actually leaned over to my friend and said that I had figured out what's going to happen and hoped I was wrong. Well unfortunately, I WASN'T. After that, I lost all interest in this movie. I even figured out that they were really in the 21st century.



That so called "mini twist" where the "real" monster was chasing Ivy didn't fool me. I just figured it was some elder from the village trying to bring her back. But it was just the retard Noah.



What's up with the pointless obligatory M. Night cameo? Seems like he was just there to explain the reason why no one has seen any planes. Did he not even notice the rookie taking drugs out of the fridge?? Or did he not even care? Stupid.



And WHY did this movie refuse to END???!! Sheesh! I thought Return of the King's ending dragged on, but at least it was justified.



To sum this shit bomb up: It's like a girl giving you a god tier blowjob and just when you're about to nut, she gets bored and walks away, leaving you to take care of business yourself, but you can't because your dick won't respond to your hand, so you're just forced to sit there and wait for her to come back and finish up, but she never does cuz she's too busy doing the same thing to your dad.

That's The Village in the a fucking nutshell.