DENIED at ihop!

Went to IHOP after going to the movies with Kate and I saw this incredible server there! Very pretty indeed. I was seated next to one of her tables so naturally I thought I was going to get a chance to initiate a little friendly conversation with her. Sadly that didn't happen because the server I got was a huge greasy, porky, zit covered, four eyed dork with messy hair and it looked like he was struggling to breathe. Ugh.... that was such a friggin' let down! Such is my luck with the ladies lately....

Another year.

Well I've renewed my lease for another year and the leasing agent saw me check out her ass. What does she expect when she bends over in front of me to get some papers wearing skin tight slacks. I make no apologies for a natural (straight) male reaction.

Man....

My apartment is getting pretty damn funky. I wouldn't be surprised if rats threw keggers there while I was gone. Well, it looks like i'll be spending my off day from the gym cleaning up my crib..... yo.

Augmentation at the gym.

A woman who I used to see all the time at the gym, but disappeared, finally came back. I immediately noticed shy she had been gone. Apparently she got a boob job.... a very substantial boob job. I couldn't believe it. Now I've always thought this woman was extremely attractive: she had great definiton, impressive abs, nice butt, etc. I'd say she had an c-cup pre-surgery, but now it looks like she has a box of saltines in her shirt. Her sports bra was seriously straining to contain them (which is probably why she was looking at some new ones in the gym store). I don't know what to think. Her proportion is blown way out and her once flawless symmetry is well....flawed.

It always baffles me when an insanely beautiful woman decides to mess with perfection by having "work" done to herself.

Oh well.... I guess she saw something different when she looked in the mirror. I guess i can relate to a certain degree.

Just got back from vacation

I had a great time.

Lotsa sun.

Lotsa girls.

Lotsa mosquitos.

Crystal blue water and kamakaze pelicans

Interesting locals.

Lotsa wind, rain and mud.

Witnessed a member of an endangered species get turned into road kill.

Lotsa mosquitos.

Lotsa Deet.

I had no idea mosquitos flew in formation.



Details later.... I'm going to bed....

Funny site

THIS brings me great joy

Wacky Wiccan

I met and talked to some random chick at the store last night and she seemed like a pretty cool girl (cute too) and she said she was in town visiting some friends for the week and eventually she mentioned that she was Wiccan. Well, that ended that!

I've met a few wiccans in the past and they were nice girls and all, but I just can't picture myself in a relationship with one.... I wonder why...

Pilates for everybody!

Went to my first pilates class yesterday for no good reason. I gotta say that I was quite impressed with it. It's a lot harder than it looks and I'm pretty sore from it. It was also pretty cool being the only male there surround by a bunch of chicas stretching themselves in some pretty "intriguing" poses.

Morons

I was having a chat with Lisa about my blog and we were talking about how incredbily rude, sexist, conceited and insensitive I can be and how I offended a certain "buddy" of hers. Apparently I use the word "fuck" a lot as well.



Well all I gotta say is that if you know me, you'll know that I don't mean 98 percent of the shit I yap about on here. I'm just blowing off some steam and this blog is my outlet to do it. I mean would you rather hear me say "fuck" 3434805 times a day in real life or just read about it here? That's what I thought. Lisa's "buddy" needs to calm the hell down.



As most of you all reading this should know, I have a very cynical and sarcastic sense of humor and I make no apologies for it. Bottomline: if you're offended or take what I say personally, then you don't know me and you should really stop reading the damn blog. I made this for myself and I only invited a few friends to enjoy the ride. Fuck ya'll if you don't dig my awesomeness.

Asian girl discussion

I thought THIS was and interesting read. There are a lot of dumb ass people walking around.

Prep time

Dropped by Kate's last night and we went over a last minute supply check and plan of attack for the trip tomorrow. I was so freakin' jealous when she showed me her sleeping back that folded to a little pouch the size of her head compared to my big ass hulking sleeping bag that takes up half my trunk. I've gotta get one of those.

For some reason Kate is bringing along an 18 inch machete.... "just in case" she said. Should I be worried??



Anyhoo, she told me more about Key West including how it's a popular hang out for homosexuals. I'm not too worried about it. If I can go to one of the south's largest gay clubs and be comfortable with it, I can handle this. My only concern is navigating the sea of bikini clad jail bait. With my luck, the "girl of my dreams" will end up being a 15 year old...bleh.



I managed to mooch off Kate's cable for a little while before heading home. She be interesting.

Tent shopping

Went tent shopping with Kate on Sunday and some joker of a salesman tried pawning this cheesy tent on us and Kate pretty much told him that he didn't know what he was talking about and the "yuppie tent" he was selling was just lazy and defeated the purpose of camping. He went away after that.

We then spent the rest of the time looking at the over priced clothes, their crappy knife collection and lame free weights before taking off.



I decided which tent I'm going to get (eventually) thanks to Kate and I'm proud of myself for not saying one "pitching a tent" joke.

Um...not so moody.

Well, I feel a lot better for some reason than last week. The blues are finally gone. Maybe because I ate normal food last weekend or something I don't know.

I still can't get the image of the two guys working out shirtless together at courtsouth at 4am. Sheesh. all the weirdos come out after 2am. After they left I had the entire gym to myself and had a kick ass workout. Still, I probably won't make it a habit of going to the gym that damn early.

Moody.

Why don't I have a girlfriend??

Probably because I find pictures like this hilarious. Heh

Post a comment damn you!!!

My blog has comment tabs for you losers to post your feedback so lets her what you have to say, otherwise go to hell!

My ass.

I was admiring myself in the mirror this morning yet again and I noticed that my ass looks smaller. It's still firm and it's still got that uber sexy round shape, but there seems to be less of it. I guess the extra cardio is having an effect. I've got mix emotions about that, after all...it is my biggest ASSET. Get it?? ASS-et!! BUWAHAHA!!



Sexy, sensitive and funny as hell! I'm a triple threat!

Manda

I'd just like to give a shout out to Manda who is going through a lot of shit lately. Hang in there, kid! Don't give up because nobody likes a loser! You can do it!



Damn... everyone should have a friend like me.

Kickboxing chick.

Over a year or so I noticed the remarkable improvement this woman in my kickboxing class has made. When she first started she had little definition, a belly and virtually no endurance. Now she's pretty damn defined, especially in her abs, her legs are amazing and even her ass looks rounder. I just had to tell her how great she looked and she genuinely looked embarrassed, but I could tell she really appreciated it.

It's just nice to see someone bust their ass in the gym and improve themselves instead of going there to slack off and socialize and generally get in my way.



Her name is "Bridget", by the way and I would totally mack all over her if she didn't have that pesky ring on her finger.

Fighting in Iraq

I got an email from a friend this morning from a friend of mine, telling me about how her little brother is in Iraq and that really surprised me.. I used to take this kid to comic book stores and introduced him to the world of anime before it became popular in the states. I remember how he would always follow us around being a little pain in the ass. Now he's fighting in Iraq.... so weird. Hope the little jerk doesn't get himself killed. From what I here, the fighting is getting pretty bad and they'll probably get a lot worse since there's evidence that the opposition is MUCH larger and better organized than first thought and even the pentagon has stated that it may not be possible to defeat them militarily...so why send in more troops?? Boggles the mind. Anyway, he's a good kid and I'd really be bummed if he came home in a bodybag.

I feel so naked...

Man, it feels so weird not having intel dude at my side. I still haven't found a replacement yet.

Sunday in Bristol

Well, a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in about 4 months suddenly popped in on Saturday (oh how I love the pop-in) and we proceeded to catch up on old times and crap like that and then she gets the crazy idea of going to Bristol for no good reason. I was reluctant at first, but after going through the hell of house browsing I decided what the hell... it could be a nice change of pace. She said she'd be by Sunday to pick me up at around 7am....it was already 2am when she said this, by the way, but she was driving so what the hell.

First of all, it was a longer drive than I expected, not insanely long, but longer than I thought. When we arrived, she drove me through all these old neighborhoods that had all these old school plantation type looking houses. She went on and on how beautiful they were, but I kept thinking how many slaves each house kept.

After that charming adventure we went to some mom and pop restaurant called Robin's Nest Bed and Breakfast. Cozy little country place and they had great pancakes.

Later on we spent most of the day in downtown Bristol. I gotta say, it was a lot smaller than I thought, but at least it was clean (mostly). Never seen so much NASCAR crap in my life. We ate at a place called the State Line Bar and Grill and I tried their "famous" fried pickles and I have to admit, they weren't that bad. Of course she showed me the famous Bristol Motor Speedway. I was in awe at how friggin' huge this place is and I wondered how anyone could spend 6 hours baking in the hot sun watching a bunch of cars go around on a track. I then thought about how many less rednecks there would be in the world if a rather large bomb would just happen to go off in the middle of the raceway... a man can dream.

I was even able to get online when we visited one of her friends there. Man, I just love their cable internet!

Later, we ended up in Abington Virginia (still not sure how that happened) and we visited the Historic District which was pretty cool I guess...reminded me of Savannah a little. Leslie then went on about the Pinnacle natural Perserve and how fun it would be to hike there. Well that wasn't going to happen since I failed to bring my hiking gear and then she started rambling on about Wolf Creek wineries, but I reminded her that it was getting kind of late and they were probably closed anyway.

After a couple of more hours we finally decided to go back home. I got back a little after 1:30am. I pretty much passed out on the couch. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday.

Well, it's over...

Nothing lasts forever as they say and this is no exception. Couple of days ago I had to end a very special relationship. I've experienced a lot with this special someone and they've always seen me through thick and thin, but now that time is over.



That's right.... after 5 years of faithful and loyal service by my side, my little intel dude, aka: "the little astronaut guy" whose always had a home on my key chain has been retired. We've been thorough so much together, but time has not been kind to him and he's looking pretty rough. So rather than let him suffer on my behalf I've decided to let him go. He'll forvever have a place of honor on top of my computer desk.



Now the task of finding his replacement begins.... I was thinking of a mini flashlight shaped like a penis or something......

My near homosexual experience

This happened about a week ago:

I had just gotten out of the shower at courtsouth (I RARELY shower at the gym, but I wasn't going straight home) and I was drying off in the bathroom and as I was walking out, I got distracted by a mirror, so I did a little sexy flexy while I turned the corner, as a result of my vain gesture, I almost bump into a butt naked old dude who was bent over (drying his feet I hope ). My wang was mere inches away from doing the naked bump and grind with some old dude's bunghole. My god, that was the first and hopefully LAST time I've seen a naked dude from that angle! Yet another reason I don't shower at the gym!!



Fortunately nobody else was in the room and the dude didn't notice me as I backed quickly away.

THE END.

My new best friend.

Found out yesterday that Kate has cable. I'll be dropping by her place more often now. It's the least she could do for me.

Hell is coming with me.

I was chillin' at home Mondy, enjoying the leftovers from the Radford barbeque and resting mah belly when Kate calls me, asking me to join her at the courtsouth pool, aka: The beach. I had no intention on getting off my comfy couch, but she said she wanted to discuss our plans for the Florida Keys trip next week. I reluctantly agreed and got dressed. Did I mention I was butt naked too?? Nothin' like eatin' barbeque bare ass naked I always say!



As I was driving there, I noticed that a huge storm cloud seemed to be following me...seriously...it was kind of weird. When I finally get there, as soon as I walked into the pool, there was a crack of thunder and the life gaurd yelled for everyone to get out of the pool. I was so surreal because before I walked in it was sunny and when I arrived it was like the gates of hell opened up. That's kinda cool.



I was so drunk on my newfound power that I don't even remember what Kate was talking about.



Nice....

Spiderman 2 review. SPOILER WARNING!

PROPS:



Awesome Doc Ock design. They really pulled it off well and the actor who played him was excellent and like everyone else has said, those cool little things he did with his tentacles was just too cool. I like the fact that the arms had so much personality to them.



Lady on the violin singing the Spiderman theme!



Great fight scenes. My faves being the bank and the train. Spidey and Doc were landing some vicious combos on each other.



Peter's crappy life. Man, this kid couldn't buy a break!



John Jonah Jameson. Came damn close to stealing the whole movie. Awesome work!



Minorities were repped quite well.



Hospital scene was my absolute favorite! Old School Raimi camera tricks and sound effects! They even had a chainsaw! Groovy!



Bruce Cambell cameo was cool, though he's lookin' a bit chunky.



Elevator scene



Parker bouncing off the two cars. Ouch!



Rain drops keep falling on my head montage. Freeze frame= instant classic!



GRIPES:

TOO MUCH FUCKIN' AUNT MAY!!! Seriously, why did this old bag get more screen time than Doc Ock??



Too much mushy crap! I've said it before that I don't think Kirsten Dunst is an attractive woman and seeing her busted face on the big screen made me cringe. MJ's a cock teasing whore. She could at least have dumped Jamson before the wedding. That was foul!



Too many screaming broads! Damn, I think I lost some of my hearing.



I thought Spiderman unmasking himself on the train was totally pointless. Where the hell did those brats find his mask?



Too much yappin' not enough action! (midway through)



The ending really dragged on. Almost as bad as the end of Return of the King.... well maybe not that bad.



Overall, an enjoyable movie, but I won't be seeing it again without a scene selection option or at least a fast forward button.



Question: What's up with Chocolate Cake Girl? At first I thought she was supposed to be Gwen Stacey, but she's not pretty enough. Is she just another friend or relative of Raimi's, given a cameo or is this actually going to lead somewhere down the line??



Comment: I bet Ock's wife was a hot piece of ass in her prime!

Luck Charms

FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS

Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!? C'mon now, Lucky. I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches. Fuckin' hooligans, always stealin' shit. Lucky should buy a fuckin shotgun and blow their fuckin, theivin' heads off! He's well within his rights! A person has the right to protect his property! Motha fuckin crack head kids always stalkin' his ass.



"They're after me Lucky Charms!" KILL THEM, BITCH! KILL THEM ALL!! I dunno why I went off on this rant here it's just always bothered me.

Trix are for kids?? FUCK YOU!!

You know what's ALWAYS bothered me? Cold cereal mascots



I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT! The Trix rabbit, for example: I dunno... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids! I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY. Fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fucking mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit. "Silly rabbit Trix are for kids" How fuckin' racist is THAT? What, rabbits aren't good enough to eat a human kids' cereal?? Hell, imagine how they'd treat the poor fluffy white bastard if he were BROWN.

Fucking rabbit just sits there and looks depressed. FUCK NO! I wouldn't take that shit! I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin kids and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of those whores and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.



And what the fuck is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?

I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think

"Hey, there's a cool lookin' human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him" NO.I'd be thinking:

"that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"

another thing... what the hell is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast" last time I checked, cereal WAS breakfast. They show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big?? Well maybe I do when I'm bulking or I'm feeling depressed and food is my only to relieve the pain, but most people DON'T!!



Don't even get me started with that fucking Leprechaun

Fish outta water

I got bored tonight and decided to go to the pool for no good reason. Man.... what a wake up call. It had been over a decade since I've been in the water and it showed. All those swimming lessons went right out the window.

I couldn't even freestyle without looking like a wounded duck. I knew I was doing it all wrong when kicking my ass off and was barely getting anywhere plus I was gasping like an old man after one lap. NowI KNOW I'm in better shape than that! So annoying because I used to be a pretty strong swimmer when I was a kid.

Later on I talked to Lisa about it and we analyzed everything I did wrong so now I'm looking forward to trying again tomorrow... Don't know if I'll accept Lisa's offer of borrowing her pink flippers though.



Can't believe it's been this long since I last swam. It took me a full 15 or 20 minutes to even get in the pool... maybe it's due to the fact that I actually drowned when I was a kid and had to be brought back to life. Thought I got over that.

Workin' out, feelin' good.

Had a damn good work out last night. It was just one of those days where I just had a lot of energy to burn. Best of all, the women stayed in the cardio and aerobics rooms where they belong! I can't stand it when a bunch of broads are yappin' about studpid ass girly crap while standing in front of the squat rack. Dumb broads.

Still havent' decided whether I'm going to mountain bike at Haw Ridge or hike Mt. Lecont this Saturday. Guess it won't matter since I'll negate any fat burning when I pig out at the annual 4th of July Radford Barbeque party thingee.