Just when you thought it was safe to work out

I just got word from a friend of mine that somebody got shot at the gym I usually work out at. Apparently some dude attacked another guy and got shot in the gut. Looks like the shooter will walk since it was self defense.

Weird thing is, I decided to skip my workout that night to install my new computer. Sheesh, that sucks that I missed out on the action. I would've loved to have been a witness and get my 15 minutes of fame on the local tv!

Barely contained rage

Okay so I just found out that DHL has delivered my package, a very expensive package to the wrong freaking STATE. I bought this particular package from ebay.

Somebody, somewhere obviously screwed up, whether it was DHL or the guy I bought the product from, but I'm not going to go crazy just yet. No... I'm going through the normal diplomatic channels and hoping to clear this mix up with little bloodshed.

If it doesn't get cleared up and I end up getting fucked over, some fucking heads are going to roll and I'm going to war, by god.

Until then I'm going to remain calm.

Yes, I can be deep.

While hanging out with the lads, one of them mentions something about a friends wife working for a church and says that there's not much money in that if they want to start a family and I remark she may not be wealthy financially, but at least she's rich spiritually.

For a second they looked at me oddly. Apparently they couldn't tell if I was being serious or not and I assured them I was.

I happen to have a great deal of respect for people who are at peace with themselves spiritually and it doesn't matter how they choose to attain it, short of human/animal sacrifice that is.

If someone happens to find it through religion, then that's cool with me.
Seems like there's a big bia against Christians in general. If you dare mention that you are a practicing "C-word" they you're immediately looked upon as some ultra religious moron, casting anyone and everyone to hell if they look at the street cross eyed.
Sheesh, I have friends who sigh loudly, roll their eyes and start ranting and bitching about how intolerant and awful Christians are... i don't think they realize the irony in that.

I have quite a few friends who are devote christians and they're the coolest people I know, particularly because they don't try to push their beliefs on me. THAT'S when I have a problem. I don't like having anything forced on me, whether it be religion, coupons or women's rights(haha).

Back to my friends' reactions... I guess they're so used to me mocking and ridiculing various things, they expected me to call this girl a loser or an idiot... quite the contrary.

People are also surprised that I'm Pro-Life... again, the preconception of pro-lifers are half crazed people picketing and bombing abortion clinics and of course condemning all involved straight to hell.

I know a lot of people who have actually had abortions, some of them are friends of mine, but I guess I'm a "conservative Pro-Lifer" because I have no desire to condemn any of them to hell. They are my friends after all.

However, I have NO sympathy for people who just can't or won't figure out how to use any kind of birth control and use the abortion option AS their method of birth control which is pretty stupid when you think about it. Why would anyone choose having a vaccum chop up and suck out fetus parts out of them while bleeding like a stuck pig or take one of those abortion pills that pretty much makes you miscarry which isn't a very pleasant experience either when all they have to do is unravel a simple piece of rubber?

I'm not too keen on late term abortions either... Sorry, but aborting a seven month unborn baby is just sick.

If I was ever faced with an unplanned pregnancy I would do the right thing and book the first flight to Canada and live a new life as a lumberjack. I considered Mexico, but let's face it... it's a loser country. Why else are they killing themselves to get the fuck out?? Anyway, I'll be known as Jaque St. Pierre, The Great Black hope of the Great White North.
I certainly wouldn't advocate that the girl get an abortion because that's just selfish!

Little kids.

So I was at the check out lane in Target the other day and some 4 year old looking kid kept looking at my head and nudged his mom and told her that there were worms crawling out of my head.
The mother and I shared a good hearted chuckle, but inside I wanted to give the little sumbitch a closer look at my "worms" by head butting the shit out of him.

Not too long before that, another kid said my head looked sharp... kids say the dumbest things, so dumb I can barely contain the urge to throttle the little scamps.

My sister's kids are cool though... they never once ridiculed my hair... no, they're more interested in using me as a pillow, an airplane or just calling me a "deadbeat".

Ah, them kids... gotta love 'em cuz you certainly can't kill them.

Dude, what the hell??

So I'm hangin' at Carie's place watching Heroes and her brother starts making all these jokes about Japanese people and everybody laughs.

Meanwhile, not even a week earlier I made a remark about pushing some uppity bitchy pregnant woman down some stairs and what do I get?? Awkward silence!
How can anyone NOT find that funny???

I see how it is... see if I ever go back to their house. Bah!

Didn't need to know that.

Have you ever heard something about somebody that you know that you wish you didn't know and it just makes you feeling uncomfortable for the rest of the day?
That happened to me 30 minutes ago. I've said it before and I'll say it again, sometimes it just SUCKS to be "the guy who listens".
It leaves you wide open to hearing all sorts of fucked up shit.

In other news, I just saved a ton on my auto insurance by NOT going to Geico! Big savings my ASS!! They have a lot of nerve saying shit like that on national television and is there any wonder why they're so pricey?? Geez, they have about three different ad campaigns with that damn lizard, cavemen and random wacky parody commercials. That shit ain't cheap!

Reconnecting with friends

Lately I've been trying to reestablish the bonds of friendship with a few buddies of mine I haven't seen in awhile with somewhat lackluster results.

Apparently I can never get the timing right to set up a meeting, they're always too busy having lives outside their own that DON'T revolve around ME. Can you believe that shit?? How DARE they!

Anyway, I forgive them because I'm a merciful and kind soul and I'll give them one more chance before I cast them out forever.
For the past month or so, I've discovered a new mini obsession of mine... BOWLING. That's right... bowling... the sport of kings.
I've been hanging out with my dad and sis every weekend to pefect my already incredible skills and I thought it would be peachy keen if my friends could join me, but NOOOOOOOO, they always have some lame excuse not to come... whatEVER.

Who could possibly pass up the chance to handle huge, heavy balls and smash them against long white phalluses, begging for sweet release.... that didn't sound homo at all.

Bah... I haven't given up yet. Soon I'll convince them to join me... or die trying.

100k

Apparently over 100,000 thousand people have visited my blog. How cool is that.... cool and a little disturbing.