Well I just got back from visiting my friend's house and checking up on her little bro/former punching bag of mine who was injured from Iraq. While driving there I was a nervous wreck of emotions because honestly I didn't know what I would find since no one would give any clear description of his injuries. All I knew is that his arm and leg were hurt in an explosion and it required reconstructive surgery.
This family is so notoriously low key, he could've had half his torso blown away for all I'd known. Of course watching Born On the Fourth of July a few days earlier did nothing to ease my apprehension.
Well I'm happy to report that his injuries were not quite as severe as I had imagined. True, his arm and leg were immobilized, but he was still able get around under his own power. To my surprise, he was in pretty good spirits for someone who stared death in the face and lived. He had been gone for almost a year and I hadn't seen him in about 3 years, but it was like he had never left. I went into auto-pilot and the first thing I called him was "Tiny Tim" as he hobbled up to greet me. That made him crack up and the tension I was feeling was soon lifted as I continued to make light of his situation.
It was so surreal seeing this little kid I used to kick around all those years ago grown into a man. Although he is in his early twenties I could tell that being in Iraq has aged him. When I looked into his eyes, he looked like a man far beyond his years. There's no telling what he had seen or experienced during his tour, especially since he was right in the thick of the fighting or what kind of long term psychological effect it has had on him. I didn't care. I wasn't there to hear war stories. I was there to visit a friend. He's an impressive guy though. He still believes in why he's over there and is actually anxious in rejoining his buddies in Iraq. At first I thought it was typical military brain washing, but I could tell that he meant this from the bottom of his heart.
Speaking of which, I asked him if I could borrow his Purple Heart to pick up chicks. He told me I could after he was done with it.
Well after an hour of making fun of his god awful "jar head" hair cut and acknowledging that his scars were "more manly", (including a really cool one across his head) than mine, I talked to his mother in the kitchen. The first thing she asked me is what I thought about her daughter's new boyfriend. I said he looked like a pretty good guy. She looked at me and said, "he's an idiot". I was surprised and asked her why. She said that I was the best thing to happen to her daughter because I was the only one who "didn't take her bullshit". She had a point there. This particular ex tended to bull over her men until she meant me. She goes on to say that the new guy is a complete wimp and does anything she tells him to do. She went on to say that I was the only boyfriend she actually liked. This made me feel pretty good and I gave her a hug. I'm still fairly good friends with her daughter and all, but I think the main reason I keep her in my life is so I could still keep in touch with her incredible family.... I'm pretty sure she's adopted anyway.
Well it started getting late and I decided to head out, but not before poking "Tiny Tim's" leg with a stick. I said my good byes and left. I had a lot to think about on the way home. My problems just seemed so fucking petty compared to what this kid is going through. Plus the fact that he truly believes in what he is doing in Iraq and not having the attitude of "having to do it", like other people I know, makes me that more impressed with this guy. I don't necessarily agree with him, but I respect the hell out him. Plus like I said before--it's not about politics or personal agendas or any soapbox bullshit like that. It's about visiting a friend.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Being a fucking man
I've noticed a lotta pussy behavior happening lately that just makes me sick and ashamed of being a man. So in my infinite manly awesomeness, I decided to compile a short list on what it takes to be a FUCKING MAN!
What it takes to be a FUCKING MAN:
- Always sticking up for yourself
- Never relying on others to do the work for you
- Being able to admit to your mistakes
- Always being able to accept the consequences of you actions
- Never squealing on a buddy. (unless you're threatened by death or prison)
- Not backing down or apologizing for something you didn't even do!
- NEVER hitting your kids. Unless they do something to deserve it.
- Not feeling compelled to put down the toilet seat
- Being able to talk to women. They're not gonna bite you, dumbass!
- Being your kids' FATHER, not their fucking best friend!
- Not giving in to peer pressure!
- Not being afraid of the truth. Yeah, it hurts sometimes, but it's better than living a lie.
- Being able to let go. Dude, it's over... let her go for god's sake!
- NEVER hitting a woman. No matter how much the bitch may deserve it!
- NEVER taking shit FROM a woman who tries to control you.
- Not being afraid to admit you actually have feelings (without being a wuss of course)
- Men don't whine. We rant.
- Men don't get scared. We merely get taken off guard.
- Not making lame excuses
- Never weaseling out of things...unless you're really good at it.
- Refuse to be enslaved by the dreaded almighty vagina.
Hope that helps some of you guys get yer balls back.
What it takes to be a FUCKING MAN:
- Always sticking up for yourself
- Never relying on others to do the work for you
- Being able to admit to your mistakes
- Always being able to accept the consequences of you actions
- Never squealing on a buddy. (unless you're threatened by death or prison)
- Not backing down or apologizing for something you didn't even do!
- NEVER hitting your kids. Unless they do something to deserve it.
- Not feeling compelled to put down the toilet seat
- Being able to talk to women. They're not gonna bite you, dumbass!
- Being your kids' FATHER, not their fucking best friend!
- Not giving in to peer pressure!
- Not being afraid of the truth. Yeah, it hurts sometimes, but it's better than living a lie.
- Being able to let go. Dude, it's over... let her go for god's sake!
- NEVER hitting a woman. No matter how much the bitch may deserve it!
- NEVER taking shit FROM a woman who tries to control you.
- Not being afraid to admit you actually have feelings (without being a wuss of course)
- Men don't whine. We rant.
- Men don't get scared. We merely get taken off guard.
- Not making lame excuses
- Never weaseling out of things...unless you're really good at it.
- Refuse to be enslaved by the dreaded almighty vagina.
Hope that helps some of you guys get yer balls back.
Back from Iraq
Just got a voice mail from a friend of mine telling me her brother who was injured in Iraq is arrived home today. Guess I'm finally going to see the extent of his injuries. I know they weren't horrendous or anything, but it was still enough for him to be shipped back home...at least for awhile. This is going to be so weird.
Seeing the light!
victory is indeed mine
Well after spending most of Monday night with a friend of mine, hanging out at Best Buy and mocking a bunch of drunken karaoke singers at some cheesy bar. I found out that she did NOT know anything about Family Guy!! Well, THAT simply would not do! We quickly jumped into my car and drove to my place where I pulled out volume one of Family Guy!
I decided to start out with the disc that had one of my favorite episodes called "Death is a Bitch". I popped the sucker in and let the good times roll! We stayed up around 3am watching the incomparable genius that is Family Guy and I'm pleased to admit that I have converted a new follower! She loved it (of course) and she instantly found herself drawn to Stewie, the homicidal psychopathic toddler that is beloved by people everywhere! Of course I had to restrain myself from striking her down and casting her off my couch when she asked the occassional "blasphemous" questions, but I quickly reminded myself that she is just a noob and didn't know any better.
Anyway, this is good news! It's always good to enlighten yet another wayward soul to the power of Family Guy! I look forward to sharing the three other discs with my eagar protege.
She's a little bit of TERRIFIC! I think I'll keep her around for awhile.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Alexander movie review *SPOILERS* sorta...
few men can resist his charm
I saw Alexander last night... Oliver Stone took a war epic and made it gay softcore porn. The one ROSARIO DAWSON (my future wife) sex scene showcasing her enormous fun bags was ruined with colin in all his horrible accent, ugly ass mullet glory, hugging, kissing, molesting and exchanging meaningful glances with Jared Leto and an obscenely pretty slave boy in every other scene.
mmmm....Rosario......soon you'll be mine.....
And the accents in this movie were fucking HORRIBLE. Colin sounds like he should be knocking out kangaroos with a boomerang (g'day), Angelina sounds like Count Dracula's wife (blah!), and half of the fucking army sound like they all JUST walked off the Braveheart set and wandered into the wrong movie.
Colin Ferrel looks terrible with a mullet, I kept thinking that he was wearing a wife beater under that girly toga of his. Y'know, Forget the mullet, the entire BLONDE hair was just fucked up. Oh yeah, and the shot of Colin's jiggling hairy balls was something I didn't need to see.
Man, I'm secure enough in my manly heterosexuality to admit when a guy is good looking or not, but I've never seen the appeal of Colin Farrel. I see him as some sort of like the missing link...with his overtly large brow/forehead hooded over his eyes, and cro magnon-esque eyebrows. Scientists should capture him, tag him and release him in the wild to study the habits of this evolutionary throwback.
Also, the movie is too damn long. Being a long movie isn't necessarily bad, but this movie is slow, and excruciating to sit through.
I wouldn't go as far as saying it sucks, it's below average. No I changed my mind-- this movie REALLY sucked donkey balls! It wasn't handled professionally. There are only two action scenes in the movie and they were both edited badly.... very badly.
Oh did I mention all the blatant MAN SEX? Seriously, I don't wanna sit through 3 hours of dudes making out and scantily clad trannies prancing all over the place! Felt like I was in the middle of an episode of "Queer As Folk." Ack!
Overall this movie is just a butt-numbingly torturous, agonizingly bad, socially awkward, incredibly disappointing 3 hour long exercise of PAIN. This movie should be used as an instrument of torture. If captured Al Queda members were forced to watch this movie, Osama Bin Landen would be a anal receptical in our prisons, this "war" on terror would be over within a few months and our boys would be back home.
Stay away from this shitbag of a movie.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
MORE ex drama (Nashville edition)
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Friday, November 26, 2004
Surviving Black Friday
cold....so...cold...laughing...
lingere..... so many carts.... coffee.... pretty...moon...
30 minutes.... oh god... it's not here! ..... carts everywhere... where is it!! Oh god...no.... running...women.... pregnant.... found it!!... I can't feel my toes.... this isn't right.
Kill....everyone staring....so tired.... food...sleep... mom? is that you?
the horror..... the horror...
To be continued....
lingere..... so many carts.... coffee.... pretty...moon...
30 minutes.... oh god... it's not here! ..... carts everywhere... where is it!! Oh god...no.... running...women.... pregnant.... found it!!... I can't feel my toes.... this isn't right.
Kill....everyone staring....so tired.... food...sleep... mom? is that you?
the horror..... the horror...
To be continued....
Quick T-day recap
-Great food as always.
-Sister's driving scares the hell outta me!
-I have to jog to keep up with my 6'8 brother in law's walking
-Mom asked how the ex was doing. (of course)
-Ate a lotta food
-Dominated the T-day video game tournament
-Confronted and destroyed fat, rude as hell Block Buster bitch.
-Ate a lotta food
-My cat may be looking for a place to die.
-Got hit on by some random chick.
-My niece was actually nice to me.
-Everyone laughed at me at the dinner table....again.
-Ate a lotta food to compensate.
-Repressed urge to break my dad's camera.
-My parents made me power of attorney over their Will.
- Watched a horror movie that turned out to be soft core lesbian porn.....with my MOTHER. She didn't seem to mind.
-Fixed my dad's computer yet again.
-Ate a lotta food.
-Had an interesting debate about the war in Iraq with my parents and brother in law.
-Had trouble getting my belt on.
-I think my colon exploded.
-Cock blocked by my sister.
-Planned on helping my brother move into his new place.
-Had fun making fun of my psychotic ex-roommate with the family.
-Passed out for awhile.
-Got home.
-Killing time before heading out to the stores.
THE END.
-Sister's driving scares the hell outta me!
-I have to jog to keep up with my 6'8 brother in law's walking
-Mom asked how the ex was doing. (of course)
-Ate a lotta food
-Dominated the T-day video game tournament
-Confronted and destroyed fat, rude as hell Block Buster bitch.
-Ate a lotta food
-My cat may be looking for a place to die.
-Got hit on by some random chick.
-My niece was actually nice to me.
-Everyone laughed at me at the dinner table....again.
-Ate a lotta food to compensate.
-Repressed urge to break my dad's camera.
-My parents made me power of attorney over their Will.
- Watched a horror movie that turned out to be soft core lesbian porn.....with my MOTHER. She didn't seem to mind.
-Fixed my dad's computer yet again.
-Ate a lotta food.
-Had an interesting debate about the war in Iraq with my parents and brother in law.
-Had trouble getting my belt on.
-I think my colon exploded.
-Cock blocked by my sister.
-Planned on helping my brother move into his new place.
-Had fun making fun of my psychotic ex-roommate with the family.
-Passed out for awhile.
-Got home.
-Killing time before heading out to the stores.
THE END.
Results from the 4th annual T-day video game tournament.
There were no set brackets or anything, just whoever wondered into the game room throughout the day.
Tekken Tag Tournament:
-Me: 22-2
-Ed (bro-in-law): 16-30
-Sister: 5-28
-Mom: 7-15
Mortal Kombat Deception:
-Me: 18-9
-Ed: 12-24
-Sister: 3-15
-Mom: 5-10
-Dad: 0-1
Tekken 4:
-Me: 34-0
-Ed: 16-18
-Sis: 2-6
-Mom: 4-12
-Bro: 0-2
Tekken Tag Tournament:
-Me: 22-2
-Ed (bro-in-law): 16-30
-Sister: 5-28
-Mom: 7-15
Mortal Kombat Deception:
-Me: 18-9
-Ed: 12-24
-Sister: 3-15
-Mom: 5-10
-Dad: 0-1
Tekken 4:
-Me: 34-0
-Ed: 16-18
-Sis: 2-6
-Mom: 4-12
-Bro: 0-2
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
My decision
I've decided to keep the posts about the ex off of the blog.
Now before any of you start busting my chops, I make NO apologies about writing the posts in the first place and do not feel ashamed for what I did. I exercised my right to express myself and I stand by every word with every fiber in my being.
Some of you may consider it a sign of weakness or an attempt to coddle the ex by removing the entries. Untrue. This is simply a gesture of respect...nothing more, nothing less. The posts served their purpose in helping me get over a bump in my life and move on. There was really no need to keep them posted.
Yeah, I like to rant, rave and bitch like a madman, but I know when it's time to employ rational, objective behavior. By being professional and keeping a cool head, I was able to come to an understanding with the ex. This wouldn't have been possible if I got dragged into a petty name calling contest. That never solves anything and I consider myself a problem solver.
I appreciate all the support some of you have shown me,though some of your comments were a tad tasteless and harsh, I appreciate it all the same. Thank you.
I know if some of you were in my place, you would rather burn your eye lids off rather than take down the posts, but if you allow someone to antagonize you to the point of such irrational behavior, isn't that a sign of weakness?
It's like refusing to wipe your ass because you don't want to give the toilet paper the satisfaction. Me, on the other hand would rather just wipe my ass, flush the toilet paper, wash my hands and go on my merry little way.
Anyway, it isn't open to debate, I got what I wanted, it's over and I intend to keep it that way. As I've said before, it is a final gesture of respect. The decision was MINE to make and I feel stronger for making it.
Now, I'm gonna get some sleep and prepare myself for some serious T-day gorging!!
Now before any of you start busting my chops, I make NO apologies about writing the posts in the first place and do not feel ashamed for what I did. I exercised my right to express myself and I stand by every word with every fiber in my being.
Some of you may consider it a sign of weakness or an attempt to coddle the ex by removing the entries. Untrue. This is simply a gesture of respect...nothing more, nothing less. The posts served their purpose in helping me get over a bump in my life and move on. There was really no need to keep them posted.
Yeah, I like to rant, rave and bitch like a madman, but I know when it's time to employ rational, objective behavior. By being professional and keeping a cool head, I was able to come to an understanding with the ex. This wouldn't have been possible if I got dragged into a petty name calling contest. That never solves anything and I consider myself a problem solver.
I appreciate all the support some of you have shown me,though some of your comments were a tad tasteless and harsh, I appreciate it all the same. Thank you.
I know if some of you were in my place, you would rather burn your eye lids off rather than take down the posts, but if you allow someone to antagonize you to the point of such irrational behavior, isn't that a sign of weakness?
It's like refusing to wipe your ass because you don't want to give the toilet paper the satisfaction. Me, on the other hand would rather just wipe my ass, flush the toilet paper, wash my hands and go on my merry little way.
Anyway, it isn't open to debate, I got what I wanted, it's over and I intend to keep it that way. As I've said before, it is a final gesture of respect. The decision was MINE to make and I feel stronger for making it.
Now, I'm gonna get some sleep and prepare myself for some serious T-day gorging!!
I owe someone an apology.
I got a new crossover cable and managed to network my family's 2 computers together, but I was having a bit of a problem getting one of the computers to take files from the other. The FTp server (WarFTP) was running fine, both IPs checked out, but nothing was happening! I called up my tech geek friend for some advice, he suggested that maybe they weren't set up on the same subnet. I told him to shut the hell up! Of course they were! Of course, when I checked, they weren't.... CRAP!! So freakin' simple!!!
Yeah, time to start eatin' that humble pie.
Yeah, time to start eatin' that humble pie.
KJ's back in town!
KJ, my long time friend and one of my last surviving MALE friends came into town yesterday from DC for the holidays. Man, being in the FBI has really whipped him into shape! He was looking lean mean and capable of kicking all sorts of ass! (ooo! be still my heart!)
Anyway, it was soooo nice to be shootin' the shit with one of the GUYS again! Don't get me wrong, I love all my female friends to death, but every once and awhile you need to be with your own kind! Get a little dose of testestorone in the ol' veins and have a nice manly conversation!
We talked about everything from politics to the latest movies and of course-- women.
He told me this particular story about how some co-worker is trying to get him to express his feelings, trying to get him to "open up", but of course Kenny wasn't having any of it. While listening to this, I kinda of chuckled to myself... I must've sounded just as annoying to my emotionally stunted ex. Kenny told the woman that yes, he is sheltering his emotions because:
A, He barely knows her.
B. He feels no need to explain his feelings to her.
C. HE'S A MAN!
The last one cracked me up because that is so KJ. Good to see he's not a complete government drone. We both agreed that the woman was obviously interested in him and was just trying to find out what he's about. I told him chicks dig enigmas! I just kept picturing them in a dusty interrogation room as she drills KJ for info under the hot lights! He said he's kinda wary about dating a co-worker which I can understand completely.
He asked me about my woman situation and I told him about my "interesting" year with women culminating to the "affair" with the married chick. KJ chuckled, shook his head and just said "Damn. Women are a beautiful pain in the ass." No questions about details. No holding my hand and encouraging me to talk about it and no sissy group hug crap. Nope, we just started talking about sports. That's when I knew how much I truly missed hanging with the guys! Life is lot less complicated that way. I don't have to hear complaints about weight issues every 15 minutes, no vivid descriptions about "feminine" problems. I don't have to think about the best "lie" to come up with when asked by a girl if they look fat in a certain outfit. (Yes, everyone knows that stating the truth equals certain bitchy death.), no listening to your female friend ceaselessly prattling about a bunch of "bitches" that pissed her off despite the fact that you've never heard of any of them and don't give a damn, and of course, no enduring the monthly MONSTER.
Hanging out with women has made me waaay too "sensitive". Of course it's not all bad, but I've got to have a balance.
I then told him about the PHASES and he laughed and told me that was classic Vincent. I'll take that as a compliment by god!
A third manly man male friend was supposed to join us, but he called in and said he couldn't make it, but he said he was free tonight. I'm really looking forward to it.
Anyway, it was soooo nice to be shootin' the shit with one of the GUYS again! Don't get me wrong, I love all my female friends to death, but every once and awhile you need to be with your own kind! Get a little dose of testestorone in the ol' veins and have a nice manly conversation!
We talked about everything from politics to the latest movies and of course-- women.
He told me this particular story about how some co-worker is trying to get him to express his feelings, trying to get him to "open up", but of course Kenny wasn't having any of it. While listening to this, I kinda of chuckled to myself... I must've sounded just as annoying to my emotionally stunted ex. Kenny told the woman that yes, he is sheltering his emotions because:
A, He barely knows her.
B. He feels no need to explain his feelings to her.
C. HE'S A MAN!
The last one cracked me up because that is so KJ. Good to see he's not a complete government drone. We both agreed that the woman was obviously interested in him and was just trying to find out what he's about. I told him chicks dig enigmas! I just kept picturing them in a dusty interrogation room as she drills KJ for info under the hot lights! He said he's kinda wary about dating a co-worker which I can understand completely.
He asked me about my woman situation and I told him about my "interesting" year with women culminating to the "affair" with the married chick. KJ chuckled, shook his head and just said "Damn. Women are a beautiful pain in the ass." No questions about details. No holding my hand and encouraging me to talk about it and no sissy group hug crap. Nope, we just started talking about sports. That's when I knew how much I truly missed hanging with the guys! Life is lot less complicated that way. I don't have to hear complaints about weight issues every 15 minutes, no vivid descriptions about "feminine" problems. I don't have to think about the best "lie" to come up with when asked by a girl if they look fat in a certain outfit. (Yes, everyone knows that stating the truth equals certain bitchy death.), no listening to your female friend ceaselessly prattling about a bunch of "bitches" that pissed her off despite the fact that you've never heard of any of them and don't give a damn, and of course, no enduring the monthly MONSTER.
Hanging out with women has made me waaay too "sensitive". Of course it's not all bad, but I've got to have a balance.
I then told him about the PHASES and he laughed and told me that was classic Vincent. I'll take that as a compliment by god!
A third manly man male friend was supposed to join us, but he called in and said he couldn't make it, but he said he was free tonight. I'm really looking forward to it.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Okay, I really do suck!
Last night I was pissed off at a friend of mine because she abruptly had to get off the phone and told me that she would call me back. Now normally this wouldn't bother me, but I was in the middle of telling her about a rather personal event in my life and she cut me off. She did this despite the fact that I had previously invested hundreds of hours I listening to all her tales of woe.
When I need her to listen to me she cuts ME off?!! To add insult to injury, she never called me back. Uggh!
Of course this annoyed me to no end.
The next day at work I was thinking of all kinds of nasty little ways I could tear her a new asshole for having DARED hang up on me and not fufilling her promise of not calling me back! The very nerve of the woman!!
Satisfied with a suitable punishment, I decided to check my voice mail before calling her to deliver her fate. She had left a message. She apologized that she couldn't call me back because she learned that a good friend of hers had died and she was having problems coping, but she still managed to tell me to have fun with my friends and she would try to call me later on tonight.
Okay.... you know when you go take a massive dump,but you're so constipated that you only squirt out that little piece of fecal nugget that goes *plip*?
Well, that's exactly how I felt. I'm glad I called the voice mail first!
It's so cool being me!
When I need her to listen to me she cuts ME off?!! To add insult to injury, she never called me back. Uggh!
Of course this annoyed me to no end.
The next day at work I was thinking of all kinds of nasty little ways I could tear her a new asshole for having DARED hang up on me and not fufilling her promise of not calling me back! The very nerve of the woman!!
Satisfied with a suitable punishment, I decided to check my voice mail before calling her to deliver her fate. She had left a message. She apologized that she couldn't call me back because she learned that a good friend of hers had died and she was having problems coping, but she still managed to tell me to have fun with my friends and she would try to call me later on tonight.
Okay.... you know when you go take a massive dump,but you're so constipated that you only squirt out that little piece of fecal nugget that goes *plip*?
Well, that's exactly how I felt. I'm glad I called the voice mail first!
It's so cool being me!
Holy MOLEy
I really don't see where this crap came from. The fact is, mole = flaw. I see moles just like any other flaws-- scars, odd discolorations, lesions, blisters, pimples, burn marks, etc. It's like if you had a beautiful Aston Martin car from a James Bond film...and the thing has a damn bullet hole on the hood. I never heard anyone say "Oh my god! Those varicose veins are soooo fuckin' HOT!" "Beauty mark" my ENTIRE ass. That's a flaw. Of course it isn't serious enough to make a hot woman suddenly unfuckable, but still...she would be much hotter without that little shitmark on her face.
Amanda Byrum(host of The Swan) is a good example....besides the turd on her face, she's pretty damn good looking, especially with that accent. She really should hit up one of those doctors on the show, and see if they would cut that off with a laser or something.
*sidenote--the dentist on there...Dr. Sherri Worth = 9.2.
*edit--------and yeah, I also found it funny that women would make fake moles some years ago. It was almost as hilariously stupid as in the 80s when women wore those fuck awful shoulder pads when dressing up. (made them look like NFL linebackers in drag)
Amanda Byrum(host of The Swan) is a good example....besides the turd on her face, she's pretty damn good looking, especially with that accent. She really should hit up one of those doctors on the show, and see if they would cut that off with a laser or something.
*sidenote--the dentist on there...Dr. Sherri Worth = 9.2.
*edit--------and yeah, I also found it funny that women would make fake moles some years ago. It was almost as hilariously stupid as in the 80s when women wore those fuck awful shoulder pads when dressing up. (made them look like NFL linebackers in drag)
Here we go again.
forgot his name again
May be old news, but I'm gonna rant about it anyway, dammit! Apparently they've found out that Iran has been trying to modify their missles to carry a nuclear payload! HOLY SHIT!!! OH MY GOD!!! THEM PESKY AXIS OF EVIL FELLAS GOT SUM WMDS!!! There's only one thing to do! Bomb their peace hatin' camel ridin' Allah worshippin' evil sumbitches for the sake of democracy and the American way! God bless America because we all know that God likes us the best anyways! Just ask DUB-YUH! yeeehaaa!!!
Sheesh... makes you wonder if the draft will become a reality. Well of course we're going to need all the red blooded American boys we can muster to throw at the next uppity country that gets too big for its britchesr! If they get killed or hideously injured, why it's nothing a Purple Heart and a heart felt salute can't fix!
Normally I don't give a shit about this, but now that I know people actually fighting and getting hurt in this "war", I guess I'm flip flopping. Now I'm not gonna turn into some dirty liberal hippie freak, but I know when no good shennanigans are happening when I see them. Plus if there is a draft, I could very well get drafted myself since the age limit is 44 years for my former specialty. Wonderful... soon I'll be blogging and bitching from North Korea.
Monday, November 22, 2004
The Phases explained
Okay a couple of people have requested that I explain what the PHASES are.
Well the PHASES are a series of behaviors I tend to go through whenever I'm sick of the whole exhausting effort of the pursuit of women:
PHASE ONE: The forsaking of women for food and video games. Simple and straight forward. My energies are now focused on these two other loves in my life.
PHASE TWO: Self indulgence. No, it doesn't mean jerkin' off to German porn (not entirely) it means that I just dust off the credit cards and cater to myself by going on extended road trips, buying expensive "toys" that I don't need, getting some new furniture, eat at expensive restaurants, etc. Also known as the "yuppie stage."
PHASE THREE: Unbridled debauchery. Basically I call up on all fuck buddies that I've been putting off for months, stock up on the condoms and just have a good ol' fashioned, meaningless, empty, no strings attached series of flings. By the time I'm done, I expect the woman to be dressed and walking out the door before I walk out of the bathroom. None of this cuddling/talking bullshit. The sex is usually much more aggressive as well. It's a Great way to dust off the cobwebs and polish certain techniques.
These phases can last anywhere from a couple of months to a year. Sometimes I've been known to skip around, but this is this is the usual order.
Afterwards, I go back to being Mr. Nice guy, aka, Chump Mode and start once again, looking for "Ms. Right" to share a beautiful and meaningful relationship with.
Hope that helps!
Well the PHASES are a series of behaviors I tend to go through whenever I'm sick of the whole exhausting effort of the pursuit of women:
PHASE ONE: The forsaking of women for food and video games. Simple and straight forward. My energies are now focused on these two other loves in my life.
PHASE TWO: Self indulgence. No, it doesn't mean jerkin' off to German porn (not entirely) it means that I just dust off the credit cards and cater to myself by going on extended road trips, buying expensive "toys" that I don't need, getting some new furniture, eat at expensive restaurants, etc. Also known as the "yuppie stage."
PHASE THREE: Unbridled debauchery. Basically I call up on all fuck buddies that I've been putting off for months, stock up on the condoms and just have a good ol' fashioned, meaningless, empty, no strings attached series of flings. By the time I'm done, I expect the woman to be dressed and walking out the door before I walk out of the bathroom. None of this cuddling/talking bullshit. The sex is usually much more aggressive as well. It's a Great way to dust off the cobwebs and polish certain techniques.
These phases can last anywhere from a couple of months to a year. Sometimes I've been known to skip around, but this is this is the usual order.
Afterwards, I go back to being Mr. Nice guy, aka, Chump Mode and start once again, looking for "Ms. Right" to share a beautiful and meaningful relationship with.
Hope that helps!
Random gym rant.
Went to the gym Sunday to get a little cardio in and take a kick boxing class because I realized that I was big ol' fat ass! Anyway, I got there kind of early for the class so I did some manly eliptical machines on level fucking 20 baby!!
15 minutes later after I peeled myself off the floor I decide to roam around the gym, checking out the ladies. There were quite a few roaming around for some odd reason.
Eventually I run into Kate and I apologized to her for snapping her head off a couple days ago, she punched me in the chest and said it was cool, but she couldn't really talk since she had a lot to do at work.
The time came around for kickboxing and I almost shit myself when I saw Genna, the instructor. Well apparently she got her ass knocked up because she was fucking as big as a double wide! She was at least 8 months along for fuck's sake! I was thinking to myself there was no way this pregnasaurus is going to be teaching the fucking class. WRONG!! She was!!!
Well this threw off my groove completely because the only thing I could concentrate on was he and her bulbous routund belly bouncing up and down and I just KNEW that her water was going to break and I was going to neck deep in babies!!
I mean what the FUCK is this meat wad thinking??
A little history about her: supposedly she's a devote catholic "good girl" who believes in family values and good wholesome living through God, Jesus, Mary or whoever the hell they worship and having children out of wedlock is the ultimate sin! Heaven forbid! Well look at her now! Just another K-town statistic and another victim of the pregnancy virus!
Anyway, this dumb ass has always been one skittle short of a rainbow and this just confirmed her bubble headed insanity!
It was so distracting that I almost didn't notice an exquisite piece of female joy candy that had an impossible shaped ass. This thing just seemed to.... hover and I believe it possessed intelligence because it seemed to...beacon me to come closer...to touch it...caress it... to bask in its glory! It also seemed to be communicating with my pants!
Then I remembered that I was in PHASE ONE and I was able to break free from its deadly grip! HAHAHAHAHA!!! TAKE THAT EVIL ONION BOOTY! YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!! BEGONE!!!
Where was I? Oh yeah. Stupid ass catholic pregnant women shouldn't teach kickboxing!
15 minutes later after I peeled myself off the floor I decide to roam around the gym, checking out the ladies. There were quite a few roaming around for some odd reason.
Eventually I run into Kate and I apologized to her for snapping her head off a couple days ago, she punched me in the chest and said it was cool, but she couldn't really talk since she had a lot to do at work.
The time came around for kickboxing and I almost shit myself when I saw Genna, the instructor. Well apparently she got her ass knocked up because she was fucking as big as a double wide! She was at least 8 months along for fuck's sake! I was thinking to myself there was no way this pregnasaurus is going to be teaching the fucking class. WRONG!! She was!!!
Well this threw off my groove completely because the only thing I could concentrate on was he and her bulbous routund belly bouncing up and down and I just KNEW that her water was going to break and I was going to neck deep in babies!!
I mean what the FUCK is this meat wad thinking??
A little history about her: supposedly she's a devote catholic "good girl" who believes in family values and good wholesome living through God, Jesus, Mary or whoever the hell they worship and having children out of wedlock is the ultimate sin! Heaven forbid! Well look at her now! Just another K-town statistic and another victim of the pregnancy virus!
Anyway, this dumb ass has always been one skittle short of a rainbow and this just confirmed her bubble headed insanity!
It was so distracting that I almost didn't notice an exquisite piece of female joy candy that had an impossible shaped ass. This thing just seemed to.... hover and I believe it possessed intelligence because it seemed to...beacon me to come closer...to touch it...caress it... to bask in its glory! It also seemed to be communicating with my pants!
Then I remembered that I was in PHASE ONE and I was able to break free from its deadly grip! HAHAHAHAHA!!! TAKE THAT EVIL ONION BOOTY! YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!! BEGONE!!!
Where was I? Oh yeah. Stupid ass catholic pregnant women shouldn't teach kickboxing!
"Good" news.
I just got an email from a friend of mine whose brother was injured in Iraq, but she never gave any details about the extent of his injuries. So I didn't know if he got a flesh would or his legs wore torn off or worse.
Well apparently he was in a place called Al Anbar Province when the truck he was standing next to was hit by a rocket propelled grenade and he ended up getting shrapnel in his legs and arm. The injuries are extensive enough for him to miss service for awhile. It may sound weird, but that's actually good news for my friend because that means her brother will be home...man what a fucked up situation when you're actually happy that your brother will need reconstructive surgery.
Well, it's good the little punk ass is okay or alive at least. I remember making the little shit "hit himself" and knocking the crap out of him when we played football in the yard, but he never bitched and always got back up.. Now he's fighting a war. He's always been a tough little bastard, so I'm not surprised that he survived. He's also very lucky. If he had been standing just a couple of feet to the left, he would've been blown in half according to his sister. I wonder if he got the Purple Heart.
So strange. I still can't believe I'm typing about this. Seems like this war is affecting more and more people I know and I have a feeling it'll get worse.
Anyway, for now the little bastard is coming back home. I look forward to comparing scars with him again, though I think he's gonna beat me this time.
Well apparently he was in a place called Al Anbar Province when the truck he was standing next to was hit by a rocket propelled grenade and he ended up getting shrapnel in his legs and arm. The injuries are extensive enough for him to miss service for awhile. It may sound weird, but that's actually good news for my friend because that means her brother will be home...man what a fucked up situation when you're actually happy that your brother will need reconstructive surgery.
Well, it's good the little punk ass is okay or alive at least. I remember making the little shit "hit himself" and knocking the crap out of him when we played football in the yard, but he never bitched and always got back up.. Now he's fighting a war. He's always been a tough little bastard, so I'm not surprised that he survived. He's also very lucky. If he had been standing just a couple of feet to the left, he would've been blown in half according to his sister. I wonder if he got the Purple Heart.
So strange. I still can't believe I'm typing about this. Seems like this war is affecting more and more people I know and I have a feeling it'll get worse.
Anyway, for now the little bastard is coming back home. I look forward to comparing scars with him again, though I think he's gonna beat me this time.
Battered women
Anyway, now I'm intrigued with the Battered women Syndrome. Actually I've had an interest in this for years now. Probably started when a friend of mine in 10th grade was being abused by her senior boyfriend. One of the strongest girls, smartest girls I knew was reduced to a quivering, fearful, scared little girl, yet he never laid a hand on her. Up until that point I always thought that abused women was solely a physical thing. I know better now and I've been intrigued ever since and my current situation with the "ex" has rekindled that interest.
The Psychological stages of abuse are:
DENIAL- basically the woman doesn't want to admit she's in a messed up relationship and calls each instance of abuse as an "accident".
GUILT- finally realizes she's in a messed up relationship, but thinks she deserves the abuse.
ENLIGHTENMENT- realizes she's does not deserve the abuse, but sticks around to "make things work" (oh brother).
RESPONSIBILITY- realizes that he's never going to change and actually leaves him to find someone new.
However, that's where the "Honeymoon" stage comes in. Where the guy basically sweet talks her into taking him back and this inevitably leads to the "tension" and "incident" phases, basically starting the whole cycle over again.
Now this is nothing "official" or anything, but this is what I'VE seen. I've only witnessed a few instances of physical abuse, but I have seen a lot of situations of psychological abuse. Usually the women have had a string of similar abusive relationships or grew up in that type of enviroment so in their minds, this is actually a normal relationship.
Sometimes they know the guy is no good for them, but for some reason they delude themselves into staying with them. Now I've seen highly intelligent strong willed women do this time and time again and it just boggles my mind. Poor self-image? Who knows. In some cases the girl actually convinces herself that she's in control by "punishing" the abuser, but in the end, she always succumbs to the man's "sweet talk" (Honeymoon) and she goes right back to him. Who's in control?
Trying to talk sense into them is useless, especially when they don't want to listen and sometimes they even snap at the person trying to help them. Personally my patience is too limited for that. I'm not an expert by any means. I'm just telling you what I've experienced as articulately as I can.
This is the first time that where I've been personally involved with a person going through this (I usually try to limit personal ties) and I can't help but find it very.... fascinating. Weird, I know, but I'm curious to see how this plays out.
Since I do care about this particular person, I hope things work out for her. I really do. But I have yet to see that happen.
Anyone else with personal or professional experience in this matter is more than welcomed to give their two cents.
The Psychological stages of abuse are:
DENIAL- basically the woman doesn't want to admit she's in a messed up relationship and calls each instance of abuse as an "accident".
GUILT- finally realizes she's in a messed up relationship, but thinks she deserves the abuse.
ENLIGHTENMENT- realizes she's does not deserve the abuse, but sticks around to "make things work" (oh brother).
RESPONSIBILITY- realizes that he's never going to change and actually leaves him to find someone new.
However, that's where the "Honeymoon" stage comes in. Where the guy basically sweet talks her into taking him back and this inevitably leads to the "tension" and "incident" phases, basically starting the whole cycle over again.
Now this is nothing "official" or anything, but this is what I'VE seen. I've only witnessed a few instances of physical abuse, but I have seen a lot of situations of psychological abuse. Usually the women have had a string of similar abusive relationships or grew up in that type of enviroment so in their minds, this is actually a normal relationship.
Sometimes they know the guy is no good for them, but for some reason they delude themselves into staying with them. Now I've seen highly intelligent strong willed women do this time and time again and it just boggles my mind. Poor self-image? Who knows. In some cases the girl actually convinces herself that she's in control by "punishing" the abuser, but in the end, she always succumbs to the man's "sweet talk" (Honeymoon) and she goes right back to him. Who's in control?
Trying to talk sense into them is useless, especially when they don't want to listen and sometimes they even snap at the person trying to help them. Personally my patience is too limited for that. I'm not an expert by any means. I'm just telling you what I've experienced as articulately as I can.
This is the first time that where I've been personally involved with a person going through this (I usually try to limit personal ties) and I can't help but find it very.... fascinating. Weird, I know, but I'm curious to see how this plays out.
Since I do care about this particular person, I hope things work out for her. I really do. But I have yet to see that happen.
Anyone else with personal or professional experience in this matter is more than welcomed to give their two cents.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Better late than never.
My ex finally admitted that she still loves her ex-boyfriend. Apparently she realized this when she found out that he was going to fight in Iraq. Now personally I think this guy is a racist piece of shit and the scum of the Earth who treated her like crap (big surprise), but according to her he said he really "felt bad" about doing all that to her. Funny how people suddenly have a change of heart when they are about to face death. I'm sure he's found God as well.
I noticed the signs from the beginning:
Her always being defensive whenever I said anything bad about him.
Constantly talking about him to me, but never mentioning me to him.
The far off looks whenever she talked about him.
Overly critical.
Lack of enthusiasm.
Defending his white trash family and friends.
the list goes on...
Well, I guess we'll see if he's being sincere or just doing the whole death bed repentance thing in the next few months. For her sake I hope he's on the level. She needs some happiness in her life, but deep down, I think she's setting herself up for more disappointment. It's a classic example of battered women syndrome and I've seen it happen a million times:
First phase is the "tension building" phase.
Second phase is the initial "incident" phase.
Third phase is the "Honeymoon" phase.
Right now they're in the "Honeymoon" phase. (I'll post more about this in detail later on.)
Hmm... I refer to her as an "ex", but I guess that doesn't quite qualify in this situation.
My only complaint is her waiting so long to finally admit it. The only reason she did so was because I called and asked her directly. No telling when she would've told me if I hadn't asked, if at all. Of course she gave the ol' "I didn't know how I felt until I realized he was leaving me" reason. It was obvious she felt this way about him for a long time before that realization. It would've been nice if she had told me before I invested all that time into the "relationship". How disappointing.
Although I'll never admit this to her, but I should've listened to my sister who told me to get the hell outta Dodge when I told her that the "ex" was still in the picture. Matter of fact, most of my friends said the same thing. Oh well...we all make mistakes and hindsight is always 20/20. Dammit.
I mean she drove 8 hours to Mississippi to see him off. I'd be lucky if I could get her to drive across town. So we'll see what happens.
Why did I hang around as long as I did? Well, when you think you're in "love" *SHUDDER* you do stupid things. I make no excuses. I would've been pissed at myself if I gave up without at least trying because you never know until you do so. If it doesn't work out the way you want it to, you just dust yourself off, go through your PHASES, vent a little on your blog and get right back into it. The alternative is locking yourself up in your room and feeling sorry for yourself like a pussy.
Fucking cunt.
I noticed the signs from the beginning:
Her always being defensive whenever I said anything bad about him.
Constantly talking about him to me, but never mentioning me to him.
The far off looks whenever she talked about him.
Overly critical.
Lack of enthusiasm.
Defending his white trash family and friends.
the list goes on...
Well, I guess we'll see if he's being sincere or just doing the whole death bed repentance thing in the next few months. For her sake I hope he's on the level. She needs some happiness in her life, but deep down, I think she's setting herself up for more disappointment. It's a classic example of battered women syndrome and I've seen it happen a million times:
First phase is the "tension building" phase.
Second phase is the initial "incident" phase.
Third phase is the "Honeymoon" phase.
Right now they're in the "Honeymoon" phase. (I'll post more about this in detail later on.)
Hmm... I refer to her as an "ex", but I guess that doesn't quite qualify in this situation.
My only complaint is her waiting so long to finally admit it. The only reason she did so was because I called and asked her directly. No telling when she would've told me if I hadn't asked, if at all. Of course she gave the ol' "I didn't know how I felt until I realized he was leaving me" reason. It was obvious she felt this way about him for a long time before that realization. It would've been nice if she had told me before I invested all that time into the "relationship". How disappointing.
Although I'll never admit this to her, but I should've listened to my sister who told me to get the hell outta Dodge when I told her that the "ex" was still in the picture. Matter of fact, most of my friends said the same thing. Oh well...we all make mistakes and hindsight is always 20/20. Dammit.
I mean she drove 8 hours to Mississippi to see him off. I'd be lucky if I could get her to drive across town. So we'll see what happens.
Why did I hang around as long as I did? Well, when you think you're in "love" *SHUDDER* you do stupid things. I make no excuses. I would've been pissed at myself if I gave up without at least trying because you never know until you do so. If it doesn't work out the way you want it to, you just dust yourself off, go through your PHASES, vent a little on your blog and get right back into it. The alternative is locking yourself up in your room and feeling sorry for yourself like a pussy.
Fucking cunt.
Insomniatic rambling.
Several days ago I really let me friend have it. I told her how sick I was of her continuing to stay with some asshole who treats her like garbage, lies to her, exploits her emotions for his own gain and basically uses her for sex. I called her a weak, pathetic, jelly spined, loser of a cunt and I was no longer going to be her shoulder to cry on whenever he did or say something that hurt her precious feelings. I was done giving her advice WHICH SHE NEVER LISTENED TO as she repeated the same damn mistakes AGAIN! This shit has gone on for 3 years now! I continued on by telling her if she wants to waste her life by trying to make something happen that'll NEVER happen with this asshole then she could go fuck herself. I was done with it. I closed by calling her a pathetic loser.
I think she was actually turned on.
I think she was actually turned on.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Why me?
Okay, a friend of my called me a few minutes ago wanting to know if she could come over. Now I used to have a little fling with this particular friend awhile back and when she wanted to "come over", esepecially this late at night, she wants sex. Despite the fact that she now has a boyfriend, she's calling me for sex! Well this is text book what she's trying to pull:
A few weeks ago she told me that she told this guy she loved him and it's freaking her out having these kinds of feelings for someone, let alone TELLING them. Now I believe her feelings for him are genuine and it appears the guy feels the same for her, but this is new territory for her and it's a bit much.
So rather than embrace the unknown and throw herself into an actual exclusive relationship, she opts for the familiar and rings me up for a booty call to force the guy to hate her and dump her.
Sorry, but I'm not biting. Although the fling we had was fun, it's over. She's great looking and everything, but I'm just not sexually attracted to her anymore. She's been permanently filed in my "little sister" database. Secondly, I'm in the middle of PHASE ONE, so she's doubly shit outta luck. Besides.... I'm not a big fan of being used. So I guess that means she triply shit outta luck. Is 'triply' a word? It is now.
I told her if she wanted to ruin a good thing, then she would have to find some other patsy to do her "dirty work".
Like that was going to happen anyway, since she was obviously shitfaced and her friends took her keys away from her. Good for them.
After that, I got ANOTHER call from a different drunk friend of mine who was bitching about her roommates taking away her keys. She got pissed and started walking and that's when she decided to call me, wanting me to pick her up and possibly "have a little fun". Fuck that. I was in the middle of writing my Incredibles movie review and I had just dealt with a drunken bitch. I told her that she was the city's problem and hung up. My place is NOT a fucking drunk tank.
Sheesh... ever since I went into my women hating asshole mode, I've been a drunken horny slut magnet! Lucky me!
A few weeks ago she told me that she told this guy she loved him and it's freaking her out having these kinds of feelings for someone, let alone TELLING them. Now I believe her feelings for him are genuine and it appears the guy feels the same for her, but this is new territory for her and it's a bit much.
So rather than embrace the unknown and throw herself into an actual exclusive relationship, she opts for the familiar and rings me up for a booty call to force the guy to hate her and dump her.
Sorry, but I'm not biting. Although the fling we had was fun, it's over. She's great looking and everything, but I'm just not sexually attracted to her anymore. She's been permanently filed in my "little sister" database. Secondly, I'm in the middle of PHASE ONE, so she's doubly shit outta luck. Besides.... I'm not a big fan of being used. So I guess that means she triply shit outta luck. Is 'triply' a word? It is now.
I told her if she wanted to ruin a good thing, then she would have to find some other patsy to do her "dirty work".
Like that was going to happen anyway, since she was obviously shitfaced and her friends took her keys away from her. Good for them.
After that, I got ANOTHER call from a different drunk friend of mine who was bitching about her roommates taking away her keys. She got pissed and started walking and that's when she decided to call me, wanting me to pick her up and possibly "have a little fun". Fuck that. I was in the middle of writing my Incredibles movie review and I had just dealt with a drunken bitch. I told her that she was the city's problem and hung up. My place is NOT a fucking drunk tank.
Sheesh... ever since I went into my women hating asshole mode, I've been a drunken horny slut magnet! Lucky me!
SpongeBob the movie review
It sucked.
Glad I didn't pay for it, though I feel like I lost 90 minutes of my soul.
Glad I didn't pay for it, though I feel like I lost 90 minutes of my soul.
The Incredibles movie review: SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!
I finally saw the movie yesterday, and thought it was excellent; there also a lot of kids there, but, surprisingly,they were acceptably quite throughout the entire movie except that one little shit that kept yapping about a fucking toy. Fortunately his dad carried him out. Also, surprisingly, this has been the first superhero-ish movie in a while where I haven't gone for the bad guy, which is saying something considering that half of the main protagonists are children. Obviously, I enjoyed Dash and Violet and "Jack-Jack" (I'll just assume that that's a "baby talk" pseudonym for Jack) far too much for it to matter.
While I agree that it's seems like the non-family characters, such as Syndrome, Edna Mode (who was voiced by a guy. The producer I think), and Frozone (who kicked ass, as well as finally gave a suitable explanation--for the time being--for powers over ice), were slightly more impressive and/or likable than the family members. Still, Elastigirl by herself was awesome throughout at least half of the movie, (she has a really thick ass! Which is a good thing!) and I personally would like to see a future one with the children somewhat grown so that we could see what they could actually do with some training.
Yeah, I said before, I extremely liked Frozone, since it was nice to see that he was more than just the "token black guy". And judging by the positive, near-applause reaction with the use of powers at the end of the movie when trying to dodge the Omnidroid v. 10, he was extremely well liked overall. I guess it helps that Samuel L. Jackson is also in EVERYTHING, so people have had more than enough time to get use to the voice, even when it's not swearing.
I felt that this film felt more like a homage to a spy movie than anything else. If anything it probably homaged "Adventure movies" better than "Sky Captain and the World of Tommrow", because it was more subtle than incredibly blatent. A lot of James Bond type references, like the Bubble Transport cars of You Only Live Twice. The music was incredible totally referencing James Bond. And hell, when Dash was dashing through the jungle, it reminded me of Star Wars. As for the 3D...well Pixar outdid themselves again. They didn't make it real looking, they made it LOOK INCREDIBLE. Shit man, just looking at a folded up costume...it just looks INSANE on how cool it looked. The action....really top notch. I'm surprised how great it is. But seriously, with all things that happened, I discussed this with my friend....The Incredibles seemed like the GREATEST film candidate...to be an R-rated film. I mean there's so much stuff they can work with, I would love to see an R-Rated version of The Incredible be released!
Imagine: Sam Jackson...swearing! "Bust through that wall, mutha fucka!"
Edna with an even edgier, sharper wit. "Do you know where your husband is?.....perhaps...FUCKING A WHORE!"
Violet was implied to be almost goth like, why don't we have her actually be goth/emo and try to commit suicide by slitting her wrists? Instead...her forcefields get in the way...BECAUSE SHE'S COWARD..SHE CAN'T FUCKING DO IT.
That reminds me, this film didn't really shy away from the concept of death, which was cool. I thought it was a little weird when it showed the family just casually killing all those henchmen in those weird floating ship thingees. Yeah, they blew up in fireballs and such, but there were people flying those ships! Still, both parents and their kids in the audience didn't seem to mind and were cheering them on. I just know ONE over protective, loud mouth soccer mom is going to ruin this for everyone.
Anyhoo, enough yappin'. I strongly suggest you watch this movie.
While I agree that it's seems like the non-family characters, such as Syndrome, Edna Mode (who was voiced by a guy. The producer I think), and Frozone (who kicked ass, as well as finally gave a suitable explanation--for the time being--for powers over ice), were slightly more impressive and/or likable than the family members. Still, Elastigirl by herself was awesome throughout at least half of the movie, (she has a really thick ass! Which is a good thing!) and I personally would like to see a future one with the children somewhat grown so that we could see what they could actually do with some training.
Yeah, I said before, I extremely liked Frozone, since it was nice to see that he was more than just the "token black guy". And judging by the positive, near-applause reaction with the use of powers at the end of the movie when trying to dodge the Omnidroid v. 10, he was extremely well liked overall. I guess it helps that Samuel L. Jackson is also in EVERYTHING, so people have had more than enough time to get use to the voice, even when it's not swearing.
I felt that this film felt more like a homage to a spy movie than anything else. If anything it probably homaged "Adventure movies" better than "Sky Captain and the World of Tommrow", because it was more subtle than incredibly blatent. A lot of James Bond type references, like the Bubble Transport cars of You Only Live Twice. The music was incredible totally referencing James Bond. And hell, when Dash was dashing through the jungle, it reminded me of Star Wars. As for the 3D...well Pixar outdid themselves again. They didn't make it real looking, they made it LOOK INCREDIBLE. Shit man, just looking at a folded up costume...it just looks INSANE on how cool it looked. The action....really top notch. I'm surprised how great it is. But seriously, with all things that happened, I discussed this with my friend....The Incredibles seemed like the GREATEST film candidate...to be an R-rated film. I mean there's so much stuff they can work with, I would love to see an R-Rated version of The Incredible be released!
Imagine: Sam Jackson...swearing! "Bust through that wall, mutha fucka!"
Edna with an even edgier, sharper wit. "Do you know where your husband is?.....perhaps...FUCKING A WHORE!"
Violet was implied to be almost goth like, why don't we have her actually be goth/emo and try to commit suicide by slitting her wrists? Instead...her forcefields get in the way...BECAUSE SHE'S COWARD..SHE CAN'T FUCKING DO IT.
That reminds me, this film didn't really shy away from the concept of death, which was cool. I thought it was a little weird when it showed the family just casually killing all those henchmen in those weird floating ship thingees. Yeah, they blew up in fireballs and such, but there were people flying those ships! Still, both parents and their kids in the audience didn't seem to mind and were cheering them on. I just know ONE over protective, loud mouth soccer mom is going to ruin this for everyone.
Anyhoo, enough yappin'. I strongly suggest you watch this movie.
Women decoded-2
"You're so nice!"
Translation: "You're so weak it annoys me. There's no way you'll ever get to see me naked. That honor goes to some random asshole that treats me like garbage, but I don't mind because he's exciting and a little dangerous and my puny little female brain and pathetically low self-esteem considers that a turn on. Sure, he slaps me around, puts me down and steals my money, but that's okay, because I know he loves me! Even if I did catch him with my sister and best friend in bed together. I can change him!!
But who knows...maybe a few years down the line, when my looks start to fade and my biological clock starts a tickin', I'll look you up because you're safe and boring and the perfect father figure who'll provide for--my-- our children. Hell, you're so much of a loser, I'm willing to bet that you'll actually raise my kids from a previous relationship, you chump! Plus I'll have a husband that I can easily dominate, but never love. Oh, and I'll finally get to let myself go! So that hot little piece of ass you chased all those years will be a big fat, bloated, stretch mark covered, credit card maxing, mean spirited, lard eating LAND WHALE and you'll be stuck with me forever because you actually took that whole "till death do us part" bullshit seriously.
This is of course I don't end up getting knocked up my asshole ex-con boyfriend or wind up some trailer trash living off of welfare as some STD ridden, cracked out whore stuck with half a dozen kids with different fathers."
It's all so obvious if you just read between the lines, people.
Translation: "You're so weak it annoys me. There's no way you'll ever get to see me naked. That honor goes to some random asshole that treats me like garbage, but I don't mind because he's exciting and a little dangerous and my puny little female brain and pathetically low self-esteem considers that a turn on. Sure, he slaps me around, puts me down and steals my money, but that's okay, because I know he loves me! Even if I did catch him with my sister and best friend in bed together. I can change him!!
But who knows...maybe a few years down the line, when my looks start to fade and my biological clock starts a tickin', I'll look you up because you're safe and boring and the perfect father figure who'll provide for--my-- our children. Hell, you're so much of a loser, I'm willing to bet that you'll actually raise my kids from a previous relationship, you chump! Plus I'll have a husband that I can easily dominate, but never love. Oh, and I'll finally get to let myself go! So that hot little piece of ass you chased all those years will be a big fat, bloated, stretch mark covered, credit card maxing, mean spirited, lard eating LAND WHALE and you'll be stuck with me forever because you actually took that whole "till death do us part" bullshit seriously.
This is of course I don't end up getting knocked up my asshole ex-con boyfriend or wind up some trailer trash living off of welfare as some STD ridden, cracked out whore stuck with half a dozen kids with different fathers."
It's all so obvious if you just read between the lines, people.
Women decoded.
Well since I'm still in PHASE 1, I have a lot of free time to tackle the seemingly impossible task of decoding women and their clandestine psudeo-language that has plagued mankind for centuries. Yeah, I know I have my work cut out for me. I was going to help out with that Human Genome thing, but thought that wasn't challenging enough.
"I just need to get some perspective/space/time alone."
TRANSLATION: "You really bug me and I have no interest in you, but I'm trying to think of a way to get rid of you without looking like a bitch. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll just avoid you and never return your calls and hope you get the hint. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to the new guy I've met if I wasted my time with a loser like you. At most I'll give the whole 'I hope we can still be friends' line, but we BOTH know that's a crock of shit. Well, I'm off to suck my new man's dick! Toodles! Oh yeah...sorry about giving you that weird rash on your penis. I'm sure it's nothing."
And there you have it! If a girl ever says this to you, pack your bags, count your losses and go to the nearest Free Clinic!
More to come!
"I just need to get some perspective/space/time alone."
TRANSLATION: "You really bug me and I have no interest in you, but I'm trying to think of a way to get rid of you without looking like a bitch. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll just avoid you and never return your calls and hope you get the hint. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to the new guy I've met if I wasted my time with a loser like you. At most I'll give the whole 'I hope we can still be friends' line, but we BOTH know that's a crock of shit. Well, I'm off to suck my new man's dick! Toodles! Oh yeah...sorry about giving you that weird rash on your penis. I'm sure it's nothing."
And there you have it! If a girl ever says this to you, pack your bags, count your losses and go to the nearest Free Clinic!
More to come!
Friday, November 19, 2004
The invitation
you can count me out.
I was working out at the gym last night and was yappin' with Stan, a pretty cool country boy who I talk to every now and then. Anyway, he invited me to hang out with him and his buddies this weekend on their camping trip where they'll also be target practicing with their new guns and drinking lots of beer.
I've lost count on how many levels of WRONG that entire situation is:
Deep woods+Alcohol+Firearms+Rednecks÷BLACK MAN= HELL NO.
Now I'm sure they're just a nice bunch of good ol' boys, but I'd rather not take the chance of being the "target", thank you very much.
My darling sis
I having dinner with my family and friends at some fancy restaurant and my sister suddenly starts bringing up past girlfriends of mine and saying that she's surprised with my recent choices. When I asked her why, she simply said that they've been rather.... plain. A far cry from the more "exotic" choices in the past. I was a little surprised by this statement, but she did have a point. I usually went with the "unusual" rather than your average "plain Jane" variety. I told her that maybe, just maybe my tastes in women has evolved beyond the mere physical. Maybe I've considered a woman's personality more than her looks.
My sis pondered this for about half a second and started laughing in my face along with most of the table.
I kinda chuckled myself.
She then told me that she didn't want some "plain looking" nieces or nephews from me and her future sister in law must be as "fabulous" as she is. She won't be seen shopping with anything less! Then she started going down a list of who would be the perfect match for me and who would produce the most beautiful cousins for her own kids to play with and so on.
Sheesh... I do so love it how my life is being planned out for me.
I eventually grabbed her niece's Santa puppet and exploited her unusual fear of the things. That shut her up! Don't know HOW that ever happened. Maybe it's when I used to torment her with a rather evil looking cookie monster puppet when she was a toddler. Yeah, waking up to a blood stained, googly eyed, blue furred thing staring at you with the dead, cold plastic gaze of unspeakable evil would traumatize most 4 year olds.
My sis pondered this for about half a second and started laughing in my face along with most of the table.
I kinda chuckled myself.
She then told me that she didn't want some "plain looking" nieces or nephews from me and her future sister in law must be as "fabulous" as she is. She won't be seen shopping with anything less! Then she started going down a list of who would be the perfect match for me and who would produce the most beautiful cousins for her own kids to play with and so on.
Sheesh... I do so love it how my life is being planned out for me.
I eventually grabbed her niece's Santa puppet and exploited her unusual fear of the things. That shut her up! Don't know HOW that ever happened. Maybe it's when I used to torment her with a rather evil looking cookie monster puppet when she was a toddler. Yeah, waking up to a blood stained, googly eyed, blue furred thing staring at you with the dead, cold plastic gaze of unspeakable evil would traumatize most 4 year olds.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Random thought...
You know what's really sad? A fat chick with small tits. That shit's just tragic. It's like God hates her specifically.
My friend.
So I was talking with a long time friend of mine on the phone and we were yappin' about the good ol' days and how much fun we had together and all the things we seemed to have in common. We also griped about our shitty luck with the opposite sex. Just really enjoying each others' company.
Finally she told me that she had always had a thing for me and those feelings have only been building over the years. She also asked me why we never got together. Well, this was a total surprise to me. I mean, this was some pretty raw emotion she was expressing to me. I never knew. I then said to her in the most sincere voice that I could muster and told her in these well chosen words: "YOU HAVE HERPES!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!! THERE IS NO WAY, AND I MEAN NO-FUCKING-WAY I WOULD EVEEEEER TOUCH A DIRTY, TRASHY SKANK LIKE YOU!!! THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT MAKES ME WANNA CUT MY DICK OFF WITH A RUSTY SPORK!!! I'D MUCH RATHER DO THAT THAN EVER TOUCH YOU!!! WHOOOORE!!! DIRTY, DIRTY WHOOOORE!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL AND SO ARE YOUR FUTURE HERPE CHILDREN!!!!!"
And can you believe that she hung up on ME?? The nerve of some people.
Chicks like this make it really easy for me to give up women
Finally she told me that she had always had a thing for me and those feelings have only been building over the years. She also asked me why we never got together. Well, this was a total surprise to me. I mean, this was some pretty raw emotion she was expressing to me. I never knew. I then said to her in the most sincere voice that I could muster and told her in these well chosen words: "YOU HAVE HERPES!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!! THERE IS NO WAY, AND I MEAN NO-FUCKING-WAY I WOULD EVEEEEER TOUCH A DIRTY, TRASHY SKANK LIKE YOU!!! THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT MAKES ME WANNA CUT MY DICK OFF WITH A RUSTY SPORK!!! I'D MUCH RATHER DO THAT THAN EVER TOUCH YOU!!! WHOOOORE!!! DIRTY, DIRTY WHOOOORE!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL AND SO ARE YOUR FUTURE HERPE CHILDREN!!!!!"
And can you believe that she hung up on ME?? The nerve of some people.
Chicks like this make it really easy for me to give up women
Women and clothes
Alright, I'm going to be the first to say it: I don't like tight, revealing clothes on girls. GASP!!! Oh my God!! It's true!!! A man just said that!! The imagery of men being portrayed by the media as slobbering, drooling, horny, stupid meat sticks is wrong!!! Dear god!! It's true!
I'm not a prude, not by any means and I'm not gay (grow the hell up, you tards). Yeah, it's nice to look at and it's nice material to have when you're Taking Care of Business™ (TCB), but unless you're hitting it it's ultimately a tease. If you're not boinking anything, it can be torture.
I like tight jeans, shorts, tank tops, all that, but too much is too much. Leaves nothing for the imagination. Part of the thrill for me is getting her home and unwrapping your present. It's like the difference between rushing down the stairs Christmas morning, and opening the huge box labeled for you, or peeling the wrapping off the firetruck shaped present.
I'm not a prude, not by any means and I'm not gay (grow the hell up, you tards). Yeah, it's nice to look at and it's nice material to have when you're Taking Care of Business™ (TCB), but unless you're hitting it it's ultimately a tease. If you're not boinking anything, it can be torture.
I like tight jeans, shorts, tank tops, all that, but too much is too much. Leaves nothing for the imagination. Part of the thrill for me is getting her home and unwrapping your present. It's like the difference between rushing down the stairs Christmas morning, and opening the huge box labeled for you, or peeling the wrapping off the firetruck shaped present.
Kat's link is working
Okay, dumbass me finally got the link working for my Angsty Pal, Kat. You should read her blog when you get the chance. She's such a remarkable writer for a 12 year old Canadian.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Being used
Don't you hate it when you find out that somebody you liked is using you as leverage piece in some other situation? Being used as an "object" to prove a point to someone else that they're pissed at is not my idea of cool. In fact it's pretty fucking shady as hell. Makes me sick to my stomach, thus proving my own point that people suck by default.
An observation about "my" women
I just now realized something when it comes with my relationships with the ladies: I always end up with the guy trapped in a woman's body. No, I'm not talking about any kind of lezbo crap, I'm talking about women who exihibit traditionally male charateristics. You know like belching, farting, wanting empty relationships, hates kids, non-sensitive, emotionally crippled, short tempered, not affectionate, can't cook, etc.
Now I'm not saying this is a bad thing. In fact, this is much more appealing than your typical girly girl, but there's a lot to be said about a little tender lovin' femininity. Plus it would be nice to have a chick that would fucking cook for me every once and awhile.
It's the least they could do!
Now I'm not saying this is a bad thing. In fact, this is much more appealing than your typical girly girl, but there's a lot to be said about a little tender lovin' femininity. Plus it would be nice to have a chick that would fucking cook for me every once and awhile.
It's the least they could do!
That's supposed to be funny??
I recently watched two Flash animations that were supposed to be funny. One was called How To Kill A Mockingbird, and the other was called Salad Fingers. Both were beyond retarded.
It seems that, more and more these days, people are equating haphazard juxtapositions of non-sequitors (oooo! big words!) with comedy, and it's really sad. A lot of this new wave of comedy just consists of random montages, and most of it isn't funny. Take, for instance, Salad Fingers. It's about a poorly animated fucktard of a character named Salad Fingers who likes rusty spoons. That's it. He spends a good five minutes (the entire length of the animation) "looking for the perfect spoon," and, in the end, he finds a rusty kettle. How the fuck is this supposed to be comical?
I don't know how this whole random equals funny movement started, but I personally think it degrades comedy as a whole by opening the floodgates to people—who aren't funny—thinking that they're funny. I see this shit in comedy clubs and on TV all the time too, and only rarely is it ever funny.
Now, I'm not saying that randomness can't be funny, but I don't think that it, alone, is as funny as people make it out to be. It still needs proper timing and presentation, but people these days seem to be forgetting that.
Anyway, I just wanted to rant because both of those animations were painfully boring although How to Kill a Mocking Bird had potential because it had freakin' NINJAS. Plus the epic battle scene where "The final Countdown" is blaring in the background was pretty nice, but in the end it just tried too hard.
I'll link them, so you guys can see what I'm talking about.
How To Kill A Mockingbird:
Salad Fingers:
It seems that, more and more these days, people are equating haphazard juxtapositions of non-sequitors (oooo! big words!) with comedy, and it's really sad. A lot of this new wave of comedy just consists of random montages, and most of it isn't funny. Take, for instance, Salad Fingers. It's about a poorly animated fucktard of a character named Salad Fingers who likes rusty spoons. That's it. He spends a good five minutes (the entire length of the animation) "looking for the perfect spoon," and, in the end, he finds a rusty kettle. How the fuck is this supposed to be comical?
I don't know how this whole random equals funny movement started, but I personally think it degrades comedy as a whole by opening the floodgates to people—who aren't funny—thinking that they're funny. I see this shit in comedy clubs and on TV all the time too, and only rarely is it ever funny.
Now, I'm not saying that randomness can't be funny, but I don't think that it, alone, is as funny as people make it out to be. It still needs proper timing and presentation, but people these days seem to be forgetting that.
Anyway, I just wanted to rant because both of those animations were painfully boring although How to Kill a Mocking Bird had potential because it had freakin' NINJAS. Plus the epic battle scene where "The final Countdown" is blaring in the background was pretty nice, but in the end it just tried too hard.
I'll link them, so you guys can see what I'm talking about.
How To Kill A Mockingbird:
Salad Fingers:
Monday, November 15, 2004
Still got it.
shoryuken, bitch!!
I was at Sam Goody at the mall Saturday and I saw these teenagers playing street fighter on the X-Box demo. This one guy was acting all cocky to his friend, telling him how much he sucks and bragging about how awesome he is. Neither one of these kids knew what the hell they were doing.
Anyway, cocky kid saw me watching them and asked if I wanted to play him. I said "sure". Now this is the first time I've ever touched an X-box controller and I didn't know what the buttons did exactly. Not that I needed to know. The little shit actually asked me if I was sure I knew how to play! His fate was sealed.
The only thing this idiot did was jump up and down kicking wildly. So I just simply slapped him out of the air whenever he got near me. If he got too close, I threw his ass, if he got too far away I'd walk up, sweep him then throw his ass. Apparently he never heard of blocking and I won the first round.
Second round was even worse. By then I had actually figured out some special moves and unleashed multiple hit combos on his sorry ass and finished him off with a cross up Level 3 Super finish and got a perfect KO on him.
Usually I like to keep matches close with noobs like this. You know, let them beat me the first round, I barely win the second round and make the final round even closer. I would do this to keep them at the machine when I didn't feel like playing the computer (boring). Not this fucker, though... he shouldn't have talked shit to me. I was going to make an example out of him. He just stood there silent and broken. I probably should've told him that I used to play games like this in national tournaments back in the day. Never won any of them, but this guy was nowhere near the skill level of the players I usually play against and he obviously wasn't near mine.
Little scrub should stick to playing those dumb ass dancing games. Hell, my little sister could beat this dickhead...She really could, too! She's pretty good!
That'll learn the little bastard to respect his elders.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
ODB is dead....
good riddance, retard.
Yeah, Old Dirty Bastard is dead and who the fuck cares?!! Well surprisingly a lot of people do and it just boggles my mind!
These are the same mother fuckers who lamented about how stupid all the people who voted for Bush are, yet they turn around and honor some gold toothed, two bit, woman beating, mind numbingly stupid, welfare check collecting, career criminal? Oh yeah, let us not forget the fact that he has over 12 kids with multiple women and probably a lot more that nobody knows about.
Fucking disgrace! What really irks me is that there's a whole generation out there aspiring to be just LIKE him! What the fuck is that??? Just because the guy vomited out a few lame ass rhymes makes him a role model??
You know what, fuck that generation. They can have their little hero. What really pisses ME off is when people expect me to act like dumbasses like this. Never!! I'll never jam my teeth full of gold, wear dumbass looking baggy clothes and I refuse to talk like some ignorant sounding, ebonic spewing dumb fuck!
If this doesn't make me "black enough", FINE... I hereby send in my resignation. I'm not black anyway. I'm more of a "cappuccino latte...with foam". Yeah, that sounds kick ass! I'll start my own race! Rise up my cappuccino brothers and sisters! Let us drive back the black devils with our education and proper english! Let us wear clothes that fit us properly and refuse to listen EXCLUSIVELY to rap music as we pursue NON sport and music careers!!
Oh yeah... KILL WHITEY, too!!
As for Old Dirty Bastard, BURN IN HELL! I'm going to make it my mission in life to find his grave and take a nice long piss as I blare Mozart in the night sky. Maybe I'll take a dump while I'm at it. Ahhh... I feel ten pounds lighter!
Sunday at Panther Creek
I was laying around the place after finishing cleaning, doing laundry and shopping for groceries and realized that I had the whole day ahead of me. Since I didn't really feel like being a couch potato or working out, I decided a short little road trip was in order. My choice was a place called Panther Creek Park.
The view of this place has of the river is incredible and it has always stuck with me. I vowed to someday return there, but something always came up. Now was a good as time as any to keep my vow. So I took off.
After about an hour, I finally arrived and I had forgotten how big the place is. It's also very clean despite the abundance of rednecks. Oh yeah, this park happens to be in Morristown. A little back water rural area where black people only make up 5-7 percent of the population. The rest is either Mexicans of rednecks, mostly rednecks.
I didn't let that spoil my day though. I got up to the summit and I was floored at how beautiful it was. I mean it's just amazing and so peaceful and with the trees turning colors was the icing on the cake. I really needed this. It allowed me to forget all the bullshit and petty crap in my life and I could just let my mind go blank. Just enjoying the breeze, the sound of nature and marveling at the clouds. I stayed up there for a good 2 hours and watched the sun set. The only gripes were some hillbilly family and their fucking kids yapping all over the place, but I was able to block most of it out. I didn't travel all that way to have some white trash family ruin my moment of zen.
I returned home rested and calm, a rarity in itself!
The view of this place has of the river is incredible and it has always stuck with me. I vowed to someday return there, but something always came up. Now was a good as time as any to keep my vow. So I took off.
After about an hour, I finally arrived and I had forgotten how big the place is. It's also very clean despite the abundance of rednecks. Oh yeah, this park happens to be in Morristown. A little back water rural area where black people only make up 5-7 percent of the population. The rest is either Mexicans of rednecks, mostly rednecks.
I didn't let that spoil my day though. I got up to the summit and I was floored at how beautiful it was. I mean it's just amazing and so peaceful and with the trees turning colors was the icing on the cake. I really needed this. It allowed me to forget all the bullshit and petty crap in my life and I could just let my mind go blank. Just enjoying the breeze, the sound of nature and marveling at the clouds. I stayed up there for a good 2 hours and watched the sun set. The only gripes were some hillbilly family and their fucking kids yapping all over the place, but I was able to block most of it out. I didn't travel all that way to have some white trash family ruin my moment of zen.
I returned home rested and calm, a rarity in itself!
A little late there...
Seems like my exes have been crawling out of the wood work ever since I started PHASE 1. Quite a coincidence.
Anyway, I got a call from yet another ex, telling me that she's a little bummed because her boyfriend and her broke up, but not after she made a deposit for a little Bed and Breakfast in London, Kentucky. Now this particular ex is cool. We've always remained friends over the years and I never wished death upon her. She told me that it was all mine if I wanted it. It was only 55 bucks for two days! I told her that she was about 7 months too late with this news because that's when I actually had a girlfriend... I think.
Anyway, she sent me the link and told me to keep it in mind whenever that situation changes. It's a nice little place, too! I think I will keep it in mind whenever I complete the 3 PHASES.
she's a good kid.
Anyway, I got a call from yet another ex, telling me that she's a little bummed because her boyfriend and her broke up, but not after she made a deposit for a little Bed and Breakfast in London, Kentucky. Now this particular ex is cool. We've always remained friends over the years and I never wished death upon her. She told me that it was all mine if I wanted it. It was only 55 bucks for two days! I told her that she was about 7 months too late with this news because that's when I actually had a girlfriend... I think.
Anyway, she sent me the link and told me to keep it in mind whenever that situation changes. It's a nice little place, too! I think I will keep it in mind whenever I complete the 3 PHASES.
she's a good kid.
No shit!
Funny thing happened to me Friday night. I had just walked through the door at 3am after hanging out with a friend when I get a phone call. Now this freaked me out because everyone knows that a phone call at 3am is never good news!
Well it turned out to be my ex-girlfriend. In my haste I had forgotten to check the caller ID. Well anyway, she was totally trashed and crying her eyes out. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend called her up wanting to hang out at some bar and when she got there, she saw him making out with some chick which really pissed her off. Later on, she and her friend did a little stalker action and went to his place and saw the chick's car in his driveway. The house was dark with only the tv on in his room and according to her, he likes to have sex with the tv on. So then she started going nuts and bitching and crying about how devastated she was and decides to call me for some fucking reason!
She goes on and on and on about how I always treated her with respect and accepted her for who she was and how much better I was than all the other jerks she's been with and how much she regretted taking advantage of my "kindness" and blah, blah, blah, blah. I wanted to say "NO SHIT, BITCH!" It's only been 3 years and NOW she realizes this? Give me a fucking break and cry me an ocean! I felt nothing, but decided to be civil and listen to her bitch.
After an hour her friend finally dragged her drunk ass off the phone and apologized to me. I should be pissed off about her making think that one of my family members was dead, but I just had to laugh at the whole thing. I told her a long time ago that she would NOT find anyone who treated her as well as I did, especially since she's a high maintenance drama queen from hell, but hey.... I don't like to give up on relationships easily (both a strength and weakness some say)Anyway, I was right! So there! I slept well after that.
Well it turned out to be my ex-girlfriend. In my haste I had forgotten to check the caller ID. Well anyway, she was totally trashed and crying her eyes out. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend called her up wanting to hang out at some bar and when she got there, she saw him making out with some chick which really pissed her off. Later on, she and her friend did a little stalker action and went to his place and saw the chick's car in his driveway. The house was dark with only the tv on in his room and according to her, he likes to have sex with the tv on. So then she started going nuts and bitching and crying about how devastated she was and decides to call me for some fucking reason!
She goes on and on and on about how I always treated her with respect and accepted her for who she was and how much better I was than all the other jerks she's been with and how much she regretted taking advantage of my "kindness" and blah, blah, blah, blah. I wanted to say "NO SHIT, BITCH!" It's only been 3 years and NOW she realizes this? Give me a fucking break and cry me an ocean! I felt nothing, but decided to be civil and listen to her bitch.
After an hour her friend finally dragged her drunk ass off the phone and apologized to me. I should be pissed off about her making think that one of my family members was dead, but I just had to laugh at the whole thing. I told her a long time ago that she would NOT find anyone who treated her as well as I did, especially since she's a high maintenance drama queen from hell, but hey.... I don't like to give up on relationships easily (both a strength and weakness some say)Anyway, I was right! So there! I slept well after that.
An evening at the casino
I was at the homestead, cleaning up the joint and getting read to finish up my xmas shopping, when Lisa gives me a call and asks me if I wanted to go to Harrah's, a casino in North Carolina. I told her I was on the way out and she told me that she just saw me pull out of my apartment. Turns out she was already outside of my place. Pretty funny in a weird kinda way.
Anyway, I told her that I had things to do and it would be an hour or so before I can go. Eventually, I met up with her on campus and we were off.
I gotta say, I always enjoy driving through the mountains on the way to North Carolina and although it was dark, you could still feel their presence. Plus we had tunes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show to keep us entertained. I know it sounds corny, but I'm not hear to impress you, so fuck off.
When we got to North Carolina, we had to go down this huge mountain on this tiny narrow road through fucking hillbilly country... I shit you not, there were freakin' shacks and pick ups as far as the eye could see. I'm sure there were some moonshine stills somewhere. I just hoped that I didn't get a flat anywhere near there. I didn't like the idea of squealing like a pig or getting lynched or both.
Eventually we made it to Hurrah's and this place is massive! I knew it was big, but to see this towering monstrosity erected in the middle of Hillbilly country was surreal to say the least!
Lisa and me decided to hit the buffet which was 15 fucking dollars!! We were both a little surprised at the price since casino food is supposed to be cheap...at least in Vegas it is. I wasn't too impressed with the selection either, but it was filling at least. Lisa decided to do the gambling thing while I camped out in the restaurant. I fully intended on getting my 15 bucks worth damn it!!
After awhile, I walked around the casino and I swear these people looked like a bunch of zombies. Little old ladies gambling away their life's savings, Mothers and fathers pouring their children's college fund down the tube and just pathetic looking saps staring blankly at the slops, continuing to pump their little 50 cent coins into the shiny machine. I wondered if they would even notice if they hit the jackpot.
I was able to "resist" the temptation and went upstairs to the hotel/gift area. I pissed off one of the security guards when she found out I was older than her, but looked younger. Hate to admit it, but I thought she was older than me. Must've had a rough life.
Eventually Lisa joined me and I returned my mother's voicemail because she had been worried about me when I told her I had a scratchy throat. I told her I was fine and I was in North Carolina. She told me to be careful and I told her to do the same since she's going on a business trip to Atlanta.
After that, heart felt conversation, Lisa and I took off for home. This time we didn't take the Hillbilly route, but a more "civilized" alternative where the only thing we had to worry about were coyotes and deer. I'd rather take my chances with those than Uncle Jed anyday!
Not a bad Saturday night.
Anyway, I told her that I had things to do and it would be an hour or so before I can go. Eventually, I met up with her on campus and we were off.
I gotta say, I always enjoy driving through the mountains on the way to North Carolina and although it was dark, you could still feel their presence. Plus we had tunes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show to keep us entertained. I know it sounds corny, but I'm not hear to impress you, so fuck off.
When we got to North Carolina, we had to go down this huge mountain on this tiny narrow road through fucking hillbilly country... I shit you not, there were freakin' shacks and pick ups as far as the eye could see. I'm sure there were some moonshine stills somewhere. I just hoped that I didn't get a flat anywhere near there. I didn't like the idea of squealing like a pig or getting lynched or both.
Eventually we made it to Hurrah's and this place is massive! I knew it was big, but to see this towering monstrosity erected in the middle of Hillbilly country was surreal to say the least!
Lisa and me decided to hit the buffet which was 15 fucking dollars!! We were both a little surprised at the price since casino food is supposed to be cheap...at least in Vegas it is. I wasn't too impressed with the selection either, but it was filling at least. Lisa decided to do the gambling thing while I camped out in the restaurant. I fully intended on getting my 15 bucks worth damn it!!
After awhile, I walked around the casino and I swear these people looked like a bunch of zombies. Little old ladies gambling away their life's savings, Mothers and fathers pouring their children's college fund down the tube and just pathetic looking saps staring blankly at the slops, continuing to pump their little 50 cent coins into the shiny machine. I wondered if they would even notice if they hit the jackpot.
I was able to "resist" the temptation and went upstairs to the hotel/gift area. I pissed off one of the security guards when she found out I was older than her, but looked younger. Hate to admit it, but I thought she was older than me. Must've had a rough life.
Eventually Lisa joined me and I returned my mother's voicemail because she had been worried about me when I told her I had a scratchy throat. I told her I was fine and I was in North Carolina. She told me to be careful and I told her to do the same since she's going on a business trip to Atlanta.
After that, heart felt conversation, Lisa and I took off for home. This time we didn't take the Hillbilly route, but a more "civilized" alternative where the only thing we had to worry about were coyotes and deer. I'd rather take my chances with those than Uncle Jed anyday!
Not a bad Saturday night.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Star Trek Voyager
realized they aren't on DS9
What a total shit bomb of a series. I can't think of a single reason to like this stupid ass show. I was laying on my huge couch thinking about how about how awesome I am when I noticed that this show was on. Now I've seen countless episodes of Voyager and never really paid it any mind...until that night...I just realized that this show is a total piece of monkey trash!
There is absolutely NOTHING redeeming about this fucking train wreck! Jeezus the character were wooden and forgettable, I wished every fucking one of them would get sucked into a black whole and each get ass fucked by that big bad ass robot MAXIMILLIAN from the Black Hole movie. Damn, that would've rocked!
I'm sick of Harry Kim, sick of Tuvok, and sick of Tom Paris (who I'm sure was having naked butt sex with Harry) and most of all I hated the holy FUCK out of the most ridiculous alien character design EVER, motherfucking NEELIX! The fucker looked like a mix between an ant eater and some kind of rat or squirrel. And in typical Star Trek fashion he was covered in spots! You see spots make him more "alien", according to Star Trek logic. Geez...not only was he grotesque in appearance, he was generally a useless pain in the ass that the crew generally kept arounda a pet.
Oh yeah, can't forget the captain...fucking Captain Janeway or whatever her name is. Looks and sounds like a younger Katherine Hepburn which is NOT good thing. This uppity bitch really bugged the hell outta me, always being so high and mighty and overbearingly critical of her crew when it was her actions that got them lost in the first place. Plus it looked like she suffered from permaPMS.
You see this show needed to be like DS9. Fuck yeah! DS9 was so much better, you had better looking broads, more memorable and complex characters like Kira, Odo, Bashir, Dax (both of them) Worf, and not to mention THE most a bad ass character in Star Trek history, I'm talking about SISCO! Fuck that bald punk Picard and that fat ass Kirk.
Not to mention they had a better cast of villains from the Cardassians to the Dominion.
What does Voyager have? Some fuckers called the Kazon that looked like a buncha Carrot Top Rejects with ridiculous leaf shaped afros, oh and you got the Borg which is played out as hell.
Speaking of the Borg, I love it how they just stuck in that chick with the skin tight uniform and the huge jugs for no good reason. Wait they had a perfectly good reason, they realized their show sucked and so they blatantly resorted to the lowest common denominator: T&A!!
Fuck Voyager for polluting my television.
Fuck it.
Ever since I was cursed by my ex I haven't been able to meet a decent NORMAL woman. The whole business with the married chick and the swinging bisexual chick was the final straw.
Is it too damn much to ask for woman who doesn't have emotional or commitment issues? Is it such a chore to find a woman who wants a nice normal exclusive relationship rather than want to fuck every guy she sees? Why can't I meet a woman who is done with her "exploring herself sexually" phase and ready for something real?
And NO, for all you psyche 101 Freud wanna bes I not comparing these women to the standards of my ex. Are you fucking crazy?! She's an EX for a reason! Yeah, that's what I want...Some crazy tarot card wielding hippie basket case!
Anyway, I usually end up with emotionally unstable, pregnant, married, married with kids, "confused", psychotic, dumb as a brick, materialistic, chicks.
So that's why I'm saying fuck it. I'm done looking. I'm going to concentrate on rekindling my first real love affairs: video games and food! Halo2 just came out so now is a good a time as ever to buy an Xbox.
And thus I begin my downgrade back to:
PHASE 1 : The forsaking of women for food and video games.
Ah, PHASE 1 probably my favorite of the three phases. Less involved than PHASE 2 and a whole lot less sinister than PHASE 3.
Hmm...funny thing is, I went through the exact same phases for the past two years. Ah, the cosmic ballet goes on.
Is it too damn much to ask for woman who doesn't have emotional or commitment issues? Is it such a chore to find a woman who wants a nice normal exclusive relationship rather than want to fuck every guy she sees? Why can't I meet a woman who is done with her "exploring herself sexually" phase and ready for something real?
And NO, for all you psyche 101 Freud wanna bes I not comparing these women to the standards of my ex. Are you fucking crazy?! She's an EX for a reason! Yeah, that's what I want...Some crazy tarot card wielding hippie basket case!
Anyway, I usually end up with emotionally unstable, pregnant, married, married with kids, "confused", psychotic, dumb as a brick, materialistic, chicks.
So that's why I'm saying fuck it. I'm done looking. I'm going to concentrate on rekindling my first real love affairs: video games and food! Halo2 just came out so now is a good a time as ever to buy an Xbox.
And thus I begin my downgrade back to:
PHASE 1 : The forsaking of women for food and video games.
Ah, PHASE 1 probably my favorite of the three phases. Less involved than PHASE 2 and a whole lot less sinister than PHASE 3.
Hmm...funny thing is, I went through the exact same phases for the past two years. Ah, the cosmic ballet goes on.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
I'm cursed.
Okay, yesterday I found out that a girl I was interested in was married! That's right, married! Nothing really happened, we just went out a couple of times and that was it, but we IM and talk to each other all the time.
Everytime I asked her to go out again, she always came up with some lame excuse to why she couldn't make it. Well my bullshit meter was going off, but I just assumed she wasn't interested in me and was performing the age old ritual of "weaseling out" of the situation. That's cool...I'm very familiar with the ways of the weasel.
Well yesterday I found out why she was dodging me...this is when she just happened to tell that she was married, but they were "separated"...not even legally separated, they were just "spending some time apart". WTF?? Oh, it gets better...the reason she's been doing the avoidance thing is because she's been developing some real "feelings" for me (gag) and she didn't want to do anything she would regret. I learned that she was some lonely housewife wanting to make some new friends and she really didn't intend for anything to happend between us besides friendship. DAMN my irresistable charm! I have to admit, I'm a little intrigued with the whole lonely, horny, undersexed housewife thing, but with my luck I'd get a visit from her pissed off, 7 foot 400 pound, shotgun toting husband. No thank you!
Anyway, she asked me if there was anyway you could still be friends after this revelation and I said "sure" as I deleted her number from my cell phone and blocked her username from my IM account. She still wants to hang out, but I'm already starting to forget her name...
Okay, on to the other girl I had an interest in. I found out yesterday that she was bisexual. Now normally this isn't a big deal, but from my PERSONAL experience, I've learned that these ladies aren't really big into that whole commitment thing which would be cool if I wanted some torrid little fling, but I don't....and besides, she said she just wanted a torrid little fling. Too bad.
Sheesh....all this coming at the heels of the cute server chick being knocked up! I think my ex has put some kind of whammy on me! Yeah, that's it! I'm just expecting the next girl I'm interested in to have a bigger penis than I do.
Ah...it's great to be me!
Everytime I asked her to go out again, she always came up with some lame excuse to why she couldn't make it. Well my bullshit meter was going off, but I just assumed she wasn't interested in me and was performing the age old ritual of "weaseling out" of the situation. That's cool...I'm very familiar with the ways of the weasel.
Well yesterday I found out why she was dodging me...this is when she just happened to tell that she was married, but they were "separated"...not even legally separated, they were just "spending some time apart". WTF?? Oh, it gets better...the reason she's been doing the avoidance thing is because she's been developing some real "feelings" for me (gag) and she didn't want to do anything she would regret. I learned that she was some lonely housewife wanting to make some new friends and she really didn't intend for anything to happend between us besides friendship. DAMN my irresistable charm! I have to admit, I'm a little intrigued with the whole lonely, horny, undersexed housewife thing, but with my luck I'd get a visit from her pissed off, 7 foot 400 pound, shotgun toting husband. No thank you!
Anyway, she asked me if there was anyway you could still be friends after this revelation and I said "sure" as I deleted her number from my cell phone and blocked her username from my IM account. She still wants to hang out, but I'm already starting to forget her name...
Okay, on to the other girl I had an interest in. I found out yesterday that she was bisexual. Now normally this isn't a big deal, but from my PERSONAL experience, I've learned that these ladies aren't really big into that whole commitment thing which would be cool if I wanted some torrid little fling, but I don't....and besides, she said she just wanted a torrid little fling. Too bad.
Sheesh....all this coming at the heels of the cute server chick being knocked up! I think my ex has put some kind of whammy on me! Yeah, that's it! I'm just expecting the next girl I'm interested in to have a bigger penis than I do.
Ah...it's great to be me!
Tuesday, November 9, 2004
Man of the people
dance, puppets, dance!
Every episode is the same way:
Maury: Today, our guests want to find out who the father is of their children.
*Audience yells/hisses*
Meet (Insert random black woman name. In this case, it'll be Keshia) Keshia.
*Keshia sits with rage in her eyes and a impossible weave*
Maury: Why are you hear today Keshia?
Keshia: Well Maury, I want my punk ass man (Insert random black name..this case Duwan) Duwan to be a father to my baby!! He know he be the father of my baby!! He always running around with these skank tricks. He ain't nuttin but a punk!!!
*Audience yells*
Keshia: (Channeling black female power) BRING HIM OUT!! BRING HIS AZZ OUT HURR!!
Maury: Ok..but before we do, lets here what Duwan said before the show.
*Camera cuts to Duwan standing in a back alley somewhere with some god-awful music. He reads off of a cue-card*
Duwan (Wearing a Nike jacket with Addidas shoes): Keshia, I am 200% sure that I'm not your baby's father. If this baby isn't mine, I want you to get out of my life. I am not the baby's father.
*Cut to Keshia going off and yelling at the monitor*
Keshia: YOU KNOW YOU BE MAH BABY'S FATHER!! BRING HIS PUNK AZZ OUT HURR!!!
Maury (Sitting as calm as can be): Ok..here is Duwan.
*Duwan is doing that stupid 'raise the roof' thing. All the meanwhile, Keshia is losing her mind*
Keshia: YOU SKEZZER YOU KNOW YOU MAH BABY'S FATHER!!
*Audience is going crazy..fast forward towards the end of the show*
Maury: Ok..I have the results of the DNA test.
*Keshia is sweating and Duwan looks scared as hell*
Maury: In regards to 3 month old (Kendall), Duwan, you are NOT the father.
*Audience gasps then boos*
*Keshia for some unkown reason, runs backstage sobbing all over the place. Duwan whoops and hollers. Maury chases Keshia (I should have said that she is tragically large) who is crying on that same ugly couch that everyone else crys on.*
THE END.
I'm in the wrong business
my true calling
I found out recently that gamers who play FPS (First Person Shooters) games like Quake, Doom, Halo, etc. can stand to make BIG bucks playing in tournaments! That's right! I heard that prizes can range from anywhere from 100k to a freakin' Ferrari!
Some smelly, pimply faced jobless 16 year old can just sit on his ass playing video games all day and stand to make more money in a week than I make all year??! Where the fuck is the justice is that?!!
All those years in college WASTED! What was the point!? I should've kicked my mom in the face when she told me to put away my video games and do my homework. What the hell does she know?!! DAMN parents destroyed my life!!!
Monday, November 8, 2004
New Dog
Went to my office this morning and I nearly freaked out when i saw OTIS back from the grave and sniffing around like he usually does and apparently he's been working out! Well, it didn't take me long to find out that this dog wasn't Otis, but a new Boston Terrier my boss got over the weekend. Unlike Otis, this dog was big. I never knew this breed could grow to that size!
Seems like a friendly enough dog, very social and even tempered and like Otis he enjoys getting his neck rubbed. Only one problem about him though...his name is COOKIE....fucking cookie!! What the hell?? Why not put a rainbow collar on the dog while you're at it! I suggested a manly name like Bluto or Brutus or something ANYTHING but cookie!
Don't know if this is the dog's official name because I've heard several people call him Oreo. Still not a good name for such a tough looking dog, but it beats the hell outta Cookie!
Seems like a friendly enough dog, very social and even tempered and like Otis he enjoys getting his neck rubbed. Only one problem about him though...his name is COOKIE....fucking cookie!! What the hell?? Why not put a rainbow collar on the dog while you're at it! I suggested a manly name like Bluto or Brutus or something ANYTHING but cookie!
Don't know if this is the dog's official name because I've heard several people call him Oreo. Still not a good name for such a tough looking dog, but it beats the hell outta Cookie!
Desperate Housewives
i got what she's desperate for
Okay this is a little guilty pleasure of mine, but recently, it's lost a lot of points with me.
Alright I know this is about the "difficult" lives of a bunch of white suburban housewives as they "struggle" to survive in their affluent upper class "hell" while scrounging away in their multi-million dollar homes. Oh boo-hoo!
But the chicks are hot and the story is well written so I can overlook that little thing.
Another thing I couldn't help but notice is the absence of black people on the show. Once again, this is about WHITE suburbia, so I guess that's to be expected and they do have their token minority: a spanish chick who's fucking a 17 year old. So good for them.
Anyway, I've come to accept this lack of blackness until they finally showed one with a speaking role and guess what she just happened to be? A HOOKER. That's right a fucking HOOKER! Not even a high priced call girl, just a typical street ho working some shady coner in the "bad part" of town. Ugggh... but I guess she was a hooker with a heart of gold because she helped out one of the housewives, so goody for her.
I have to say that I'm quite disappointed. I'll still watch the show because of the story and the TnA, but I won't forget this injustice!
Something else I've noticed, that red headed broad has gone overboard with the Botox. It really completes her Stepford wife fascade, but YIKES. A little facial expression would be nice.
Out of all the wives, I'd like to bang the one with the 4 kids (pictured above). Surprising, I know, but that's the one I'm most attracted to. Maybe it's her cynical "I don't give a fuck" attitude, but my pants do a happy dance whenever she's on screen.
Although, I don't know too many women who still have a body like hers after having 4 fucking kids. Gotta love Hollywood.
Well that was a whole lotta suck!
I saw the first episode of the new season of the Simpsons and I have to say that it was pretty crappy. It was the latest Treehouse of Horror installment (Halloween Special) and this piece of crap didn't make me smile once! It was just so damn unfunny it was painful! I now know why everyone is saying that they should've canceled this show years ago. It's obvious that the writers are either running out of ideas or they just don't give a fuck!
I've recently rented Season 4 of the Simpson and although I've seen these episodes a dozen times each, they STILL make me laugh which is more than I can say with recent episodes. It's like watching two different shows.
I found out why there was such a downgrade over the years listening to the commentary...apparently a lot of writers quit the show and were basically replaced with hacks. Too bad. Guess that was the beginning of the end.
I also saw Malcolm in The Middle and King of the Hill. Okay, it's just getting so weird watching that Malcolm kid grow up. His voice is now deeper than mine and I think he had a growth spurt, but the show just continues to get better with each season. The same with King of the Hill. I wouldn't be surprised if that's where all the former Simpsons writers work now.
Sheesh...16 seasons is enough. I would say that it's time for the Simpsons to quit while they're on top, but it's too late for that now. What a shame.
I've recently rented Season 4 of the Simpson and although I've seen these episodes a dozen times each, they STILL make me laugh which is more than I can say with recent episodes. It's like watching two different shows.
I found out why there was such a downgrade over the years listening to the commentary...apparently a lot of writers quit the show and were basically replaced with hacks. Too bad. Guess that was the beginning of the end.
I also saw Malcolm in The Middle and King of the Hill. Okay, it's just getting so weird watching that Malcolm kid grow up. His voice is now deeper than mine and I think he had a growth spurt, but the show just continues to get better with each season. The same with King of the Hill. I wouldn't be surprised if that's where all the former Simpsons writers work now.
Sheesh...16 seasons is enough. I would say that it's time for the Simpsons to quit while they're on top, but it's too late for that now. What a shame.
Friday, November 5, 2004
Too sexy for my brain.
I was yappin' with my ex today and she told me she and her mother were talking about all these guys she's dated. Her mom told her that I was the most educated of them all. Wow... I always liked her mother. Well, I guess that shouldn't be a too big of a surprise considering her other boyfriends are brain dead yokels who can't figure out the intricate complexities involved in tying one's shoe.
No seriously, they are THAT stupid! Here's a GROUP PICTURE of them. Quite the brain trust, huh?
Well I told her that it made sense that we broke up: I guess I just wasn't a big enough retard for her. Damn... How will I ever recover from that? Oh well, her loss. Hopefully one day she'll find true love if she chases enough short buses.
Her mom is cool, though.
No seriously, they are THAT stupid! Here's a GROUP PICTURE of them. Quite the brain trust, huh?
Well I told her that it made sense that we broke up: I guess I just wasn't a big enough retard for her. Damn... How will I ever recover from that? Oh well, her loss. Hopefully one day she'll find true love if she chases enough short buses.
Her mom is cool, though.
And the bashing continues....
I saw this commercial that really pissed me off the other day that carries on the growing trend of bashing the American male.
Okay, it's an ad about the Verizon IN networking thing, and this pudgy pussy of a father walks up to his two daughters and gives him these two kick ass top of the line cell phones and tells him this great new deal that allows them to call their family members anytime they want for free! The two little stuck up bitches give this dork the "what the fuck are you talking about, you old fuck!?" look. This rather tense moment is broken up by suprise, the MOTHER who is standing in the background in this smug cross armed stance behind the dad and adds "You can call your friends, too!" The two cunts then jump up and down in excitement and hug their man hating bitch of a matriarch. The whipped father tries to get some love too, but all three women just fucking ignore him and leave the room like he wasn't there!! He just stands there with some pathetic puppy dog expression on his face as the last of his penis withers away and drops to the floor. WHAT THE FUCK?!
Okay, this mother fucker spent his hard earned cash to buy these fucking expensive as hell cell phones to please his "little girls" only to be dismissed and ignored by them AND his lazy homemaking slut of a wife who is probably banging the Fed Ex guy while he's at work. Shit, I bet those aren't even his daughters…of course he probably doesn't know that. Poor bastard!
And the whole way he enters the room with his overseer wife standing right behind him. Like she's giving him "permission" to act like somewhat of a father, but quickly takes over when he fucks it up (of course).
If he were any kind of father figure he would've taken those fucking phones back from those ungrateful bitches, wished them good luck for paying for college and told his wife to cook him a pot roast while he plays golf and boinks his secretary, but NOOOOOOOOO! Can't depict a strong male figure on fucking televison! Heaven fucking forbid!
Dammit, I'm gonna eat a steak, screw a random chick and make her boyfriend watch!
Okay, it's an ad about the Verizon IN networking thing, and this pudgy pussy of a father walks up to his two daughters and gives him these two kick ass top of the line cell phones and tells him this great new deal that allows them to call their family members anytime they want for free! The two little stuck up bitches give this dork the "what the fuck are you talking about, you old fuck!?" look. This rather tense moment is broken up by suprise, the MOTHER who is standing in the background in this smug cross armed stance behind the dad and adds "You can call your friends, too!" The two cunts then jump up and down in excitement and hug their man hating bitch of a matriarch. The whipped father tries to get some love too, but all three women just fucking ignore him and leave the room like he wasn't there!! He just stands there with some pathetic puppy dog expression on his face as the last of his penis withers away and drops to the floor. WHAT THE FUCK?!
Okay, this mother fucker spent his hard earned cash to buy these fucking expensive as hell cell phones to please his "little girls" only to be dismissed and ignored by them AND his lazy homemaking slut of a wife who is probably banging the Fed Ex guy while he's at work. Shit, I bet those aren't even his daughters…of course he probably doesn't know that. Poor bastard!
And the whole way he enters the room with his overseer wife standing right behind him. Like she's giving him "permission" to act like somewhat of a father, but quickly takes over when he fucks it up (of course).
If he were any kind of father figure he would've taken those fucking phones back from those ungrateful bitches, wished them good luck for paying for college and told his wife to cook him a pot roast while he plays golf and boinks his secretary, but NOOOOOOOOO! Can't depict a strong male figure on fucking televison! Heaven fucking forbid!
Dammit, I'm gonna eat a steak, screw a random chick and make her boyfriend watch!
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
The perils of dating older women.
It's no secret that I like the older ladies. They've got the whole experience and maturity level thing going on that their younger counterparts just don't have. I've always been that way since I was 17 and had a 24 year old "girlfriend". After that, the other girls my age just seemed like children to me. That and the fact that I hated every fucking stuck up bitch in my shithole high school with the burning passion of a billion suns!!!!! But I digress....
Our story begins on the eve of 2001 or was it 2002, ah...who gives fuck. Anyway, I was at some jackass's New year's party having a grand ol' time...though I wasn't actually invited by him, I tagged along with a mutual friend so he can kiss my ass!
Later on I met this incredible younger girl in her early twenties. Now usually I don't bother with broads this young because I get this incredible urge to punch them in the face after hearing them drone on and on about nothing in that unbearable high squeaky voice! UGH! This one was different, however. She actually had SOMETHING to say and she articulated it very well! Her voice was in a normal pitch so I didn't experience any nose bleeds which is always cool. We ended up talking for hours, not even noticing when 02 or 03 came along. There was a huge amount of chemistry between us and there were few awkward pauses. She turned out to be an graduate student from Georgia Tech who was visiting family in K-town for the holidays. She also went to the same high school I did, but I forgave her.
Alright after a whole lotta yappin', it was time to go our separate ways and after we exchanged numbers, she mentioned something about her family and showed me a couple of pictures. Well after shuffling through them for a bit, I came across a photo that made my heart skip about a dozen beats and drained all the color from my face. It was an image of a of her and her mother in the typical Olan Mills wooden pose portrait only one thing was different.... I used to date her mother. Yep, that's right... I had a brief yet pretty intense "casual" relationship with her mom several years earlier! Of course I managed to keep the poker face intact and didn't tell her the revelation. I'm sure she would find out for herself and I knew this would be the last time I would see this girl.
I can see the scenario now when she got home:
Daughter: "Mom! I met this really cool guy tonight"
Mom: "Really, honey?"
Daughter: "Yeah! We talked about everything and we had so much in common! He's not like all those other jerks. He was a really nice guy and we talked for hours!"
Mom: "Wow, he sounds great! What's his name?"
Daughter: "His name is Vincent _______"
Mom: "!!!?"
Well, just to make sure I left 2 messages on her voice mail that were never returned... I wonder why? I'm sure she would enjoy all the stories about how her mother likes to be slammed against the wall and called a "fucking bitch" when I'm banging her from behind or the way she loved to talk shit when.... well, you get the idea. Oh well... I guess that's the chance you take when you date older women in a relatively small city... you might run into their kids!
Sometimes I think about what could've been.... then I start thinking about her mother... I think I still have her number laying around somewhere...hmm....
Our story begins on the eve of 2001 or was it 2002, ah...who gives fuck. Anyway, I was at some jackass's New year's party having a grand ol' time...though I wasn't actually invited by him, I tagged along with a mutual friend so he can kiss my ass!
Later on I met this incredible younger girl in her early twenties. Now usually I don't bother with broads this young because I get this incredible urge to punch them in the face after hearing them drone on and on about nothing in that unbearable high squeaky voice! UGH! This one was different, however. She actually had SOMETHING to say and she articulated it very well! Her voice was in a normal pitch so I didn't experience any nose bleeds which is always cool. We ended up talking for hours, not even noticing when 02 or 03 came along. There was a huge amount of chemistry between us and there were few awkward pauses. She turned out to be an graduate student from Georgia Tech who was visiting family in K-town for the holidays. She also went to the same high school I did, but I forgave her.
Alright after a whole lotta yappin', it was time to go our separate ways and after we exchanged numbers, she mentioned something about her family and showed me a couple of pictures. Well after shuffling through them for a bit, I came across a photo that made my heart skip about a dozen beats and drained all the color from my face. It was an image of a of her and her mother in the typical Olan Mills wooden pose portrait only one thing was different.... I used to date her mother. Yep, that's right... I had a brief yet pretty intense "casual" relationship with her mom several years earlier! Of course I managed to keep the poker face intact and didn't tell her the revelation. I'm sure she would find out for herself and I knew this would be the last time I would see this girl.
I can see the scenario now when she got home:
Daughter: "Mom! I met this really cool guy tonight"
Mom: "Really, honey?"
Daughter: "Yeah! We talked about everything and we had so much in common! He's not like all those other jerks. He was a really nice guy and we talked for hours!"
Mom: "Wow, he sounds great! What's his name?"
Daughter: "His name is Vincent _______"
Mom: "!!!?"
Well, just to make sure I left 2 messages on her voice mail that were never returned... I wonder why? I'm sure she would enjoy all the stories about how her mother likes to be slammed against the wall and called a "fucking bitch" when I'm banging her from behind or the way she loved to talk shit when.... well, you get the idea. Oh well... I guess that's the chance you take when you date older women in a relatively small city... you might run into their kids!
Sometimes I think about what could've been.... then I start thinking about her mother... I think I still have her number laying around somewhere...hmm....
Tuesday, November 2, 2004
Satan's new treat.
what is thy bidding, my master?
Yeah, it's true... the dark lord of evil himself has gotten into the snacking industry with his horrifying new creation: The Reese's SNACK BARZ. The mere fact that it's spelled with a "Z" tells you how freakin' EVIL these things are! The unholy combination of Rice Krispys, chocolate and peanut butter combine to create such a decadant taste sensation that if I even bothered to try to describe it, I would turn into a pillar of salt!
Well, that's to be expected from a snack treat that was created from the ruins of Soddam and Gammora and was christened with the chocolately, peanutbuttery blood of a thousand virgins.
The other night I had two of these....these...abominations, thus sealing my fate as a lap dog of Satan! Pity me not for I am beyond saving. I'm so utterly and pathetically weak and I deserve my fate.
What's that, Satan? You want me to pick up a whole case of snack bars at the store? Whatever you say, boss!
Man, I suck.
I ate IHOP Monday night and man, I STILL feel bloated as hell! I'm so weak, weak weak!! Well, at least I got to talk to the knocked up server that may or may not like me. Lotta good that does me now. BAH! It fucking figures. Why didn't she show any interest in me BEFORE she was impregnated?? Probably looking for a daddy for her baby! Not me!!
Ah, i shouldn't be too hard on the girl, she's a nice kid and all and her name is Valerie. If only she had enrolled in my condom testing study she wouldn't be in the state she's in now. Oh well.
Ah, i shouldn't be too hard on the girl, she's a nice kid and all and her name is Valerie. If only she had enrolled in my condom testing study she wouldn't be in the state she's in now. Oh well.
Monday, November 1, 2004
SAW: movie review NO SPOILERS.
Okay, I ended up checking this movie out on Halloween...you know, for no good reason.
What can I say? If you get scared from gory type scenes then maybe this movie is for you, because it'll actually be scary. But I dunno, I know it's a movie and I was just smiling seeing people die. The deaths were creative, at least some of them. But the acting is just comical. That one thing is what prevented this movie from being one of the all time greats, up there with classics like "Seven" and "Silence of the Lambs". Actually, TWO things....the directing was pretty shitty too. I'm getting so sick of the crack spasm mtv camera work and this movie had it in spades!
Anyway, back to the acting: It was bad....REALLY BAD. The main Doctor dude who happens to be the guy who played Robin Hood in "Robin Hood Men in Tights" is in a universe all by himself when it comes to shitty actors. My god... the theatre was just howling with laughter from his performance even though he was going through a life and death struggle, you couldn't help but laugh at his sorry ass.
The one decent actor was Danny Glover. I don't blame Danny for taking this role. I'm sure on paper, this movie looked incredible. I bet he changed his mind after he "saw" the finished product. Btw, Danny Glover's ass is HUGE. Also, his partner, an Asian guy named "Sing" was pretty decent as well. It was nice to see a non stereotypical Asian actor for once. He didn't do a single martial arts move and he spoke perfect english... thank god!
I have to admit I didn't see the ending coming at all. In fact I was surprised as hell and that ALMOST saved this movie from totally sucking, but the damage from the previous 2 hours had already been done. Plus the film had plot holes in it so big that the Empire State building could fit through side ways with room to spare.
This movie had sooooooo much potential of being awesome if it were in the hands of a competent director and a stronger cast, but it just ends up being a mediocre comical joke. In fact, I take that back about this movie sucking. "SAW" is so bad, that it was actually good and I'm sure it's destined for B-movie cult greatness.
So go ahead and watch it... you might get a good chuckle out of it as well.
What can I say? If you get scared from gory type scenes then maybe this movie is for you, because it'll actually be scary. But I dunno, I know it's a movie and I was just smiling seeing people die. The deaths were creative, at least some of them. But the acting is just comical. That one thing is what prevented this movie from being one of the all time greats, up there with classics like "Seven" and "Silence of the Lambs". Actually, TWO things....the directing was pretty shitty too. I'm getting so sick of the crack spasm mtv camera work and this movie had it in spades!
Anyway, back to the acting: It was bad....REALLY BAD. The main Doctor dude who happens to be the guy who played Robin Hood in "Robin Hood Men in Tights" is in a universe all by himself when it comes to shitty actors. My god... the theatre was just howling with laughter from his performance even though he was going through a life and death struggle, you couldn't help but laugh at his sorry ass.
The one decent actor was Danny Glover. I don't blame Danny for taking this role. I'm sure on paper, this movie looked incredible. I bet he changed his mind after he "saw" the finished product. Btw, Danny Glover's ass is HUGE. Also, his partner, an Asian guy named "Sing" was pretty decent as well. It was nice to see a non stereotypical Asian actor for once. He didn't do a single martial arts move and he spoke perfect english... thank god!
I have to admit I didn't see the ending coming at all. In fact I was surprised as hell and that ALMOST saved this movie from totally sucking, but the damage from the previous 2 hours had already been done. Plus the film had plot holes in it so big that the Empire State building could fit through side ways with room to spare.
This movie had sooooooo much potential of being awesome if it were in the hands of a competent director and a stronger cast, but it just ends up being a mediocre comical joke. In fact, I take that back about this movie sucking. "SAW" is so bad, that it was actually good and I'm sure it's destined for B-movie cult greatness.
So go ahead and watch it... you might get a good chuckle out of it as well.
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