Went to the gym Sunday to get a little cardio in and take a kick boxing class because I realized that I was big ol' fat ass! Anyway, I got there kind of early for the class so I did some manly eliptical machines on level fucking 20 baby!!
15 minutes later after I peeled myself off the floor I decide to roam around the gym, checking out the ladies. There were quite a few roaming around for some odd reason.
Eventually I run into Kate and I apologized to her for snapping her head off a couple days ago, she punched me in the chest and said it was cool, but she couldn't really talk since she had a lot to do at work.
The time came around for kickboxing and I almost shit myself when I saw Genna, the instructor. Well apparently she got her ass knocked up because she was fucking as big as a double wide! She was at least 8 months along for fuck's sake! I was thinking to myself there was no way this pregnasaurus is going to be teaching the fucking class. WRONG!! She was!!!
Well this threw off my groove completely because the only thing I could concentrate on was he and her bulbous routund belly bouncing up and down and I just KNEW that her water was going to break and I was going to neck deep in babies!!
I mean what the FUCK is this meat wad thinking??
A little history about her: supposedly she's a devote catholic "good girl" who believes in family values and good wholesome living through God, Jesus, Mary or whoever the hell they worship and having children out of wedlock is the ultimate sin! Heaven forbid! Well look at her now! Just another K-town statistic and another victim of the pregnancy virus!
Anyway, this dumb ass has always been one skittle short of a rainbow and this just confirmed her bubble headed insanity!
It was so distracting that I almost didn't notice an exquisite piece of female joy candy that had an impossible shaped ass. This thing just seemed to.... hover and I believe it possessed intelligence because it seemed to...beacon me to come closer...to touch it...caress it... to bask in its glory! It also seemed to be communicating with my pants!
Then I remembered that I was in PHASE ONE and I was able to break free from its deadly grip! HAHAHAHAHA!!! TAKE THAT EVIL ONION BOOTY! YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!! BEGONE!!!
Where was I? Oh yeah. Stupid ass catholic pregnant women shouldn't teach kickboxing!
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Okay so I am a lover of your blog, the way you talk pulls me into a one sided conversation that leaves me wondering...WTH are the phases!!!..am I that stupid not to know what you are talking about? You have mentioned it before in your blogs and I pondered over it awhile trying to keep it in context and yet..hmm well shall I say..I must be a frikin idiot or something...Please tell me...
ReplyDeleteI love that line - "one Skittle shy of a rainbow." I'll be using that soon.
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