Why is it when a man cheats, he's "thinking with his dick", but when a woman cheats , she's "following her heart?"
I guess it's socially more acceptable than "she was following her cunt".
bleh
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Phone must die!!!
I swear my cell phone is the biggest piece of crap on the planet! Apparently I'm still randomly missing incoming texts because people keep asking me why I'm not answering their questions or why I don't respond at all.I guess the douchebags at verizon didn't fix shit when I told them about the problem the first time.
It boggles my mind that I live in a country that can split the freakin' atom and, but when it comes to simple text messaging problems, everyone is about as competent as a retarded chimp.
Stooopid new fangled technology. bah!
It boggles my mind that I live in a country that can split the freakin' atom and, but when it comes to simple text messaging problems, everyone is about as competent as a retarded chimp.
Stooopid new fangled technology. bah!
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Damn Oreos commercials.
They alwasy have some stupid little kid around 5 or 6 years old doing the stupiest thing with the damn cookie. Once the dumbassity cannot continue for any longer the family's local senior citizen comes in. (usually grandpa sumbitch).
He proceeds to show the child how eating a Oreo is done, by twisting it in half and dunking each piece in milk for about half a second then cramming them into his Polygripped mouth. The child then does the same and everyone smiles. The Oreo jingle then plays and everyone is happy as all get out.
Who the hell eats Oreos like this? First of all, the only time you disassemble a Oreo is to add another one inbetween the halves or combining the creame into one cookie and making an uber mutant Oreo. Secondly, the dunking is all fucked up! 1-3 seconds in milk does nothing but make your shirt messy cause the damned cookie is still as hard as a rock because the milk has done nothing.
When you dunk a Oreo, you have to leave it submerged in the milk for a good 20 to 30 seconds to get it soggy. Once that happens you know the Oreo is filled with milky goodness. Everyone knows this and those who don't are obviously fucking terrorists!
Why can't they just make a Oreo commercial showing how it's really done.
He proceeds to show the child how eating a Oreo is done, by twisting it in half and dunking each piece in milk for about half a second then cramming them into his Polygripped mouth. The child then does the same and everyone smiles. The Oreo jingle then plays and everyone is happy as all get out.
Who the hell eats Oreos like this? First of all, the only time you disassemble a Oreo is to add another one inbetween the halves or combining the creame into one cookie and making an uber mutant Oreo. Secondly, the dunking is all fucked up! 1-3 seconds in milk does nothing but make your shirt messy cause the damned cookie is still as hard as a rock because the milk has done nothing.
When you dunk a Oreo, you have to leave it submerged in the milk for a good 20 to 30 seconds to get it soggy. Once that happens you know the Oreo is filled with milky goodness. Everyone knows this and those who don't are obviously fucking terrorists!
Why can't they just make a Oreo commercial showing how it's really done.
Monday, January 23, 2006
The difference between men and women.
An old joke that still makes me laugh because it's true.
Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
good stuff!
Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
good stuff!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Dr. Baby Butcher
I was watching television a few days ago and they were talking about abortion (zzzzzzz). As usual both sides bickered back and forth like a bunch of school kids and resolving nothing. I was about to change the channel when they interviewed this arkansas abortion doctor who promptly said that life did indeed begin with conception and he as an abortionist KILLS that life. That's right, he said the word "KILL".
This surprised the hell out of me because most of the time when doctors are asked this, they never answer directly and they never use the word "KILL". Even the reporter was surprised by his statement.
The man went on to say that he performs at least 6 abortions a day and he had one woman who has had NINE freakin' abortions. NINE!! Holy fuck! How the hell is that possible?? How can someone like this continually get pregnant? You would think her reproductive organs would be turned to jelly after her fifth abortion. It's obvious this bitch has no fucking interest in having kids so they should just do her a favor and burn her damn tubes when she comes in for her inevitable tenth abortion. Damn... the clinic is probably like Cheers to her because I'm sure everybody knows her name by now. Hah! I can see everyone there yelling her name when she comes in the door. She probably has her own chair as well. Fucking loser.
When the doc was asked about adoption, he stated that is far far worse for a woman to endure rather than an abortion, (the whole having to give birth and give up your kid thing).
He said he considers it an honor to spare the woman that kind of pain. Oh, sure, abortion is like a cake walk by comparison... please.
Anyway, this guy just gave me the creeps. He seemed to take pleasure in his work and he said that he has no intention on ever stopping. What makes it even more disturbing is the fact that he himself considers himself a murderer and he seems quite alright with it. Yikes.
I can just picture this guy as some kind of Gimm-like ogre creature, sneaking into homes, stealing away small children and sucking the marrow out of their bones. In fact, if abortion was ever outlawed, I wouldn't be surprised if he did just that!
Anyway, I'm sure this dude didn't win him any points with his fellow pro-choicers and I'm sure the pro-lifers will use this interview to strengthen their cause.
Nine abortions... wow...
This surprised the hell out of me because most of the time when doctors are asked this, they never answer directly and they never use the word "KILL". Even the reporter was surprised by his statement.
The man went on to say that he performs at least 6 abortions a day and he had one woman who has had NINE freakin' abortions. NINE!! Holy fuck! How the hell is that possible?? How can someone like this continually get pregnant? You would think her reproductive organs would be turned to jelly after her fifth abortion. It's obvious this bitch has no fucking interest in having kids so they should just do her a favor and burn her damn tubes when she comes in for her inevitable tenth abortion. Damn... the clinic is probably like Cheers to her because I'm sure everybody knows her name by now. Hah! I can see everyone there yelling her name when she comes in the door. She probably has her own chair as well. Fucking loser.
When the doc was asked about adoption, he stated that is far far worse for a woman to endure rather than an abortion, (the whole having to give birth and give up your kid thing).
He said he considers it an honor to spare the woman that kind of pain. Oh, sure, abortion is like a cake walk by comparison... please.
Anyway, this guy just gave me the creeps. He seemed to take pleasure in his work and he said that he has no intention on ever stopping. What makes it even more disturbing is the fact that he himself considers himself a murderer and he seems quite alright with it. Yikes.
I can just picture this guy as some kind of Gimm-like ogre creature, sneaking into homes, stealing away small children and sucking the marrow out of their bones. In fact, if abortion was ever outlawed, I wouldn't be surprised if he did just that!
Anyway, I'm sure this dude didn't win him any points with his fellow pro-choicers and I'm sure the pro-lifers will use this interview to strengthen their cause.
Nine abortions... wow...
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Sheesh... ever since I went public about liking Sex and The City, my friends have been coming out of the woodwork trying to get me to watch all sorts of sappy girly girl crap movies. One example is 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.'
A friend of mine told me that I really needed to see this movie and I told her unless they all take off their traveling pants and have 2 1/2 hours of steamy lesbian sex while a midget watches and a monkey dances to jazz music in the background, I'm not interested.
Come on, just because I like Sex and the City does NOT mean I'm ready to give up my gigantic man balls and watch sugary sweet female coming of age chick flicks like this damn movie.
My friend is lucky I didn't initiate her into The sisterhood of Falling down The Stairs.
A friend of mine told me that I really needed to see this movie and I told her unless they all take off their traveling pants and have 2 1/2 hours of steamy lesbian sex while a midget watches and a monkey dances to jazz music in the background, I'm not interested.
Come on, just because I like Sex and the City does NOT mean I'm ready to give up my gigantic man balls and watch sugary sweet female coming of age chick flicks like this damn movie.
My friend is lucky I didn't initiate her into The sisterhood of Falling down The Stairs.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
So you're from New York.... who gives a fuck.
I'm sick of these tired ass douche bags that end up scattered all across the globe, but no matter where they currently reside they INSIST on gloating, bloating, boasting and fucking lying about how marvelous or just how un-marvelous their "real home" is. Yeah . .NYC is awesome. But you dont live there anymore. You live in Dingle berry, Tn now shut the fuck up please.
They go on how we don't have that new york accent, no shit!
I heard a guy say yesterday that the way "we" speak is annoying. SHeeeEEit. He also said some dumb ass comment about people everywhere else cant dress and look up to NYC.
Yes, you're right . . we probably dont have something going on 24 hours of every single day. No we dont have a subway here, our cities also don't smell like piss and we can't get an authentic new york "dog" which is probably made out of rat meat. What really kills me is how they go on about how uncultured other people are compared to them.
What a fucking laugh! Some of the dimmest, dumbest most ignorant people I've met hail from the great city of NYC. Hell, the only differences between them and the hicks here in the south, in telligence wise are their accents. That's IT.
Everything in new york is better[/condesending voice] . .New york pizza is "better", new york girls are "better", new york clothes are "more exclusive" . .oh . .dont try to play me boo boo I got this up in New York .. new york ALWAYS has the freshest gear before the rest of the nation . .blah blah blah blablahblah . . fuck you I buy my shit off ebay.
If fucking NYC is so freakin' beautiful WHY THE HELL AREN'T THEY STILL THERE??
Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the New Yorkers that move down here and are civil to the locals and I don't have anything against the city itself. Yeah, it is a pretty cool place to visit every now and then and there is a lot to do there and there isn't any city quite like it, BUT I don't need some loudmouth, arrogant, narrow minded, elitist transplanted dickhead reminding me every minute about how they're New Yorkers and how much I suck for not being one. That's an excellent way to get my size 12 shit kicker shoved in your face in a New York minute, douchebag.
fageddaboutit.
They go on how we don't have that new york accent, no shit!
I heard a guy say yesterday that the way "we" speak is annoying. SHeeeEEit. He also said some dumb ass comment about people everywhere else cant dress and look up to NYC.
Yes, you're right . . we probably dont have something going on 24 hours of every single day. No we dont have a subway here, our cities also don't smell like piss and we can't get an authentic new york "dog" which is probably made out of rat meat. What really kills me is how they go on about how uncultured other people are compared to them.
What a fucking laugh! Some of the dimmest, dumbest most ignorant people I've met hail from the great city of NYC. Hell, the only differences between them and the hicks here in the south, in telligence wise are their accents. That's IT.
Everything in new york is better[/condesending voice] . .New york pizza is "better", new york girls are "better", new york clothes are "more exclusive" . .oh . .dont try to play me boo boo I got this up in New York .. new york ALWAYS has the freshest gear before the rest of the nation . .blah blah blah blablahblah . . fuck you I buy my shit off ebay.
If fucking NYC is so freakin' beautiful WHY THE HELL AREN'T THEY STILL THERE??
Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the New Yorkers that move down here and are civil to the locals and I don't have anything against the city itself. Yeah, it is a pretty cool place to visit every now and then and there is a lot to do there and there isn't any city quite like it, BUT I don't need some loudmouth, arrogant, narrow minded, elitist transplanted dickhead reminding me every minute about how they're New Yorkers and how much I suck for not being one. That's an excellent way to get my size 12 shit kicker shoved in your face in a New York minute, douchebag.
fageddaboutit.
Monday, January 9, 2006
"You didn't ask."
One thing I can’t STAND is when people say this little phrase.
This is the ultimate cop out used by pussies who would rather sit on a vital little piece of info that would greatly affect someone they know and when said person finds out (usually the hard way) and confronts this douche who was supposed to be their friend, they usually respond with “You didn’t ask”.
Here’s an example:
Me: “OH MY FUCKING GAWD!! You KNEW that the brakes on my car were faulty yet said nothing when I told you I was going on a long road trip on a twisty mountain road? You didn’t bother telling me that your uncle is a grand wizard of the KKK when we visited his home in bumfuck, Arkansas?? Oh you didn’t feel it was important to tell me that your “friend” you set me up was just paroled from prison for butchering her previous two boyfriends and feeding their penises to her cats??
WHY THE FUCKIN’ FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ANY OF THIS?!!!”
Dumbass: “You didn’t ask.”
What the hell is that??? “I didn’t ask”… of course I didn’t fucking ask because I didn’t KNOW to ask, fucktard! If I did, I wouldn’t have to ask in the first place!
Just a word of advice: if you know something that might potentially fuck someone up that you care a little about, TELL THEM. I think they would appreciate being spared any unnecessary pain, humiliation, guilt, etc. Don’t be a fucking punk ass and worry about how bad it would make YOU feel if you told them the truth, you selfish prick! It ain’t that hard and if you can’t do that, then just please die and burn in hell.
You didn’t ASK me to say that, but I said it anyway, bitch.
This is the ultimate cop out used by pussies who would rather sit on a vital little piece of info that would greatly affect someone they know and when said person finds out (usually the hard way) and confronts this douche who was supposed to be their friend, they usually respond with “You didn’t ask”.
Here’s an example:
Me: “OH MY FUCKING GAWD!! You KNEW that the brakes on my car were faulty yet said nothing when I told you I was going on a long road trip on a twisty mountain road? You didn’t bother telling me that your uncle is a grand wizard of the KKK when we visited his home in bumfuck, Arkansas?? Oh you didn’t feel it was important to tell me that your “friend” you set me up was just paroled from prison for butchering her previous two boyfriends and feeding their penises to her cats??
WHY THE FUCKIN’ FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ANY OF THIS?!!!”
Dumbass: “You didn’t ask.”
What the hell is that??? “I didn’t ask”… of course I didn’t fucking ask because I didn’t KNOW to ask, fucktard! If I did, I wouldn’t have to ask in the first place!
Just a word of advice: if you know something that might potentially fuck someone up that you care a little about, TELL THEM. I think they would appreciate being spared any unnecessary pain, humiliation, guilt, etc. Don’t be a fucking punk ass and worry about how bad it would make YOU feel if you told them the truth, you selfish prick! It ain’t that hard and if you can’t do that, then just please die and burn in hell.
You didn’t ASK me to say that, but I said it anyway, bitch.
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