How I got over my cold.

So I had this really bad cold. I struggled in vain to sleep for three days, and finally gave up. I was so tired... I just wanted to sleep. Yet every time I lay down, my nose starts running and gets all stuffed up, and then I start coughing. It's useless to even try.

I had some cold medicine that I took earlier, but apparently it isn't helping in the slightest.

Just when I'm about to give up hope and kill myself with a cookie monster puppet, I hear a knock at the door and it was the good humor man! I was like "Cool!" "Gimme some ice cream, whore!" then he said "yeah right, bitch! I ain't got no ice cream, I'm hear to fuckin' steal your shit!" I said yeah right and I kicked him in the balls with my huge mega foot! I kicked him so hard he morphed into my old dog and he said "it's on now, bitch!" Then he started shooting laser from his doggy mouth that made cat noises, but I just flexed and they deflected from my manly chest. Then hurricane Rita started getting in my face, trying to make me loot and shit and I said fuck that! I gots too much mad intergrity for that bullshit and I grabbed the good humor man/doggie thing and hurled it at that bitch. Bitch was talking mad shit as they both went flying out my window and landed on Mr. Rogers who came back from the dead for no good reason! But it was a good thing because he was trying to rape a hornless unicorn who was riding a gay ass scooter.

Suddenly the gas prices went up to a record high so I stole the scooter and rolled up to Rosario Dawson's crib where we made sweet love on some dude's coffin.
Then I made her fix me a sammich.

And that's how I got over my cold.