I have this friend. She’s smart, witty, incredibly beautiful and very successful at what she does. However, she’s also involved in a somewhat unstable reoccurring relationship with some dude that seems to be a great big loser, yet she keeps bringing him back into her life time and time again for about two years now.
Now initially I did the whole “over protective tough love Dr. Phil” friend routine and constantly lectured her about how much she’s wasting her life by being with this guy and blah blah blah, but obviously this fell on deaf ears.
Then I stopped and analyzed the situation. I realized the only picture I have from this guy was from what my friend had told me about him while she was mad and I’ve learned from past experience that women tend to… exaggerate certain things, especially when they’re mad.
This latest drama with my friend is no different except in her case, she’s afraid. She has real feelings for this guy and it scares her. So as a defense mechanism she finds each and every flaw he has and blows them way out of proportion to try to convince herself that she’s better off without him when in reality, she can’t think of anyone else she’d rather be with.
This frightens her because the last long term relationship she was in was a complete disaster and she does not want to take that chance again.
Well instead of telling her what she should do I told her to do what she wanted to do., I suggested that she quit wasting so much time trashing the guy and concentrate on making it work with him because though I don’t understand why, she obviously has some strong feelings for him.
I also requested that she stop all the frivolous dating with guys she has no interest in just to help distract her feelings for this dude because that will only end up hurting someone.
Will she heed this request? Of course not. One thing is for certain is that I’m fucking over doing the Dr. Phil thing. I love all my friends and I’ll do anything I can to support them, but I’m not a goddamn therapist and I have decided to stop projecting my way of thinking onto them because that usually leads to disappointment and frustration. Also, to be perfectly honest, I DON’T CARE about their relationships. As long as they’re happy and not being beaten, let them do what they want.
I have enough issues of my own to work out anyway.
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What if your friend is being mentally or emotionally abused? Are you just going to stand there and do nothing? That seems a little cold to me.
ReplyDeleteSmart move this will save u a lotta headaches
ReplyDeleteWell as long as you don't stop being yourself in the process. Sometimes people need to be called a dumb ass every now and then and nobody does that better than you!
ReplyDelete:)
U did the rigth thing it's best to steer clear of crazy relationships like that anyway and don't let her suck u into her drama.
ReplyDelete-kaz
I think everybody goes through this stage your friend is going through. It's best to step back and let her decide what's best for her even though it may not seem so to you, but you already said that didn't you?
ReplyDeleteX)
O pleeeeeze tell me you're not talking bout your ex gf again!
ReplyDelete*_*
Still it's a nice read. It's about time!
^-^
Pax:
ReplyDeleteOf course it's cold. I don't have a heart.
Jess:
Don't worry, kiddo. I'll still kick ass when needed.
Claire:
First of all, it's not my ex, though I noticed the similarities with my situation last year.
Secondly, I've come to the recent realization that she was never really my girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, big "DUUH" moment, but better late than never, right? I'm slow okay! :)
Omg, I misspelled my own name!
ReplyDeleteNo worries. I won't give you any more crap about your ex and I'm sure you'll make the best decision for yourself regarding her.
ReplyDeletehave a good xmas!
That's okay, dear. I still wuv you. *pats head*
ReplyDeletehappy holidays!
Why is it always successful, beautiful, and intelligent women who do that shit!?! You'd think that women like that would be more self-aware and brave than that. Maybe it's lonliness. I dunno. The only person who really knows is your friend, and it is, as you said, entirely her decision. Projecting your own feelings on it, even when asked, isn't always the best idea.
ReplyDelete