I need to be more evil

I need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and condemn them on the spot if the fuck up just once.

I've really have to stop turning the other cheek and kick the piss out of someone who slightly annoys me.

I simply must stop supporting my friends and find ways to turn their misery to my advantage and personal gain.

Respecting old people never got me anywhere, I'm going to try tripping one every once and awhile and see how that feels.

I think I might kidnap my neighbor's dog, put it in a sack and throw it in the lake.
It's not a loud dog at all, in fact it's pretty nice and quiet, but that makes my actions all the more evil which is the point is it not?

Next time a friend tells me to watch her purse while she takes a piss, I'm gonna write down her credit card number and go on an online shopping spree.

When some broad bitches about her miserable life, I'm just going to picture them naked. Wait... I already do that.

Children are the scourge of the earth. I'm going to go out of my way to let them know that.

I'm going to spit on every pregnant woman I see.

I'm going to tell my friend's extremely self conscious, anorexic girlfriend that she could lose a few pounds.

Next time someone asks me if they look fat in something, I'm going to say yes.

I will NOT let any car have the right of way.

I'm going to give my ex girlfriend a great big hug. Trust me, that's the most evil thing I could ever do to her.


Now... all I have to do is rip out this damn chip in my head that prevents me from doing all this shit and I'll be in business.