My brief ROTK review

Finally saw this butt numb a thon of a movie and it was okay I guess. Once again, the whole fantasy genre isn't really me, but since I've seen the first two, I might as well see the third.



I know that you are supposed to believe that mankind is on the brink of extinction because of that giant eye ball thing and his "mighty" orc army. That was a little hard to swallow since the army of man pretty much dominated every battle! Come on, they were going on and on about how badly outnumbered they were and that they didn't have enough men to break the enemy's ranks, but what's the first thing they do when the arrive on the battlefield? THEY BREAK THE ENEMY'S RANKS! In fact, they literally run right over them! Even those big goofy looking elephants didn't do much good! They didn't even need the ghost army at the end there! Freakin' GHOST. Yeah, that's fair. Hell, if I was that hippie king guy, I would've used the hell outta them. Make them earn their keep after chickening out like a bunch of sissies when there were alive. Yeah, big bad ghost....it's easy to charge into battle when you're already dead!



And what about that big bad witch king they kept hyping up as the baddest of the bad?? Some bad ass.... dude gets shanked in the back by a two foot midget and then stabbed in the face by a chick! Lame.

The enemy was pretty lame in general... always getting their asses kicked even when they outnumbered the good guys 12 to 1. A gross example of this was the final battle when millions of orcs completely surrounded the human army, yet the humans still managed to hold their own. In fact, it looked like they were winning while that big spot light eye thing looked on. Hell, they didn't even need Frodo and his fat boyfriend Sam (who cried way too much). Speaking of which, he wasn't much of a hero since at the end he succumbed to the ring and turn all evil and shit. Ironically enough, it was that naked bug eyed gremlin thing that was the hero. Fuck Frodo! No way I'd bow to a freakin' 2 foot, nine fingered garden gnome!



Only thing Gandolf was missing was a hood and he'd be the freakin' Grand Wizard of the KKK! And why the HELL did they keep zooming in on that ugly ass Liv Tyler for?? God, I really don't need to see her horse face cross eyed ugliness on the big screen. Same with that Queen of the Shit Fairies, Cate Blanchant broad. She gives me the creeps! Hell, all those freakin' Elves gave me the creeps. Buncha damn albino long hairs!



Man, this was a hard movie to sit through. People were crying and getting all choked up at the end while I was thinking about the quickest escape route outta there! Once again, I didn't care enough for these characters to get all emotional and such.... just me though.



I think I was the only black person in the theatre.



I know I'm bashing this movie pretty hard, but the good does out weigh the bad, I just like talking about the bad. One thing that this movie needed were ninjas. Yeah, an army of ninjas flipping out would be sweet.