You know, I've been listening to my heart a lot lately which is a far cry from the days where I listened to my penis. I gotta say thinking with the latter is a lot less painful and far less complicated, but it has taught me one thing.... the heart is a DUMB SON OF A BITCH. You're digging this girl A LOT and you know that she doesn't or never will feel the same way about you, but some retarded sounding, half-queer voice inside you starts screaming, "Don't give up. Listen to your heart!" Yeah, great advice! Three restraining orders later and a few months in jail you start thinking back on how much of a pathetic turd you were to ever listen to your fucking heart! Of course you get distracted by blinding pain every once in awhile because you're applying ointment to your swollen anus because you were getting butt slammed by your cellmate and his buddies while doing time in the pokie.
The heart is for suckers. At least with your penis, you don't have to worry about annoying emotional attachments or countless sleepless hours thinking about some broad who barely knows you exist. With the penis, it's all primal. No thinking, no emotion and no fucking feelings! Just poke, shoot and boot the broad outta your place. Simple, neat and satisfying.
Good news is, I think I'm moving out of this heart phase. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to solve this illustration job I have for a chick's poetry book that's about to be published and how much money I can make from it. That means I'm thinking with my brain and cold hard cash will bitchslap the FUCK outta the heart every mother fucking time!
CHA-CHING!
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