This girl I met a couple weeks back recently confided to me that she "really liked me" and would love to see more of me and I'm not just talking about hanging out either. She's a great girl, very funny, cute, plays a mean game of pool and appreciates the art of sarcasm. Only problem is... I'm just not feeling her in that way.
So I did the unthinkable. I did something so unbeliveably unprecedented so fucked up INSANE and nutty to this girl....
I told her the truth.
I told her that I wasn't ready to get into a relationship right now since I'm still carrying baggage from my "friend" who moved to Washington. Yeah, yeah, officially we never went past the friendship stage, but it obviously evolved into something more than that. I aknowledge it and there's no use denying it.
ANYway, I left out those particular specifics and just told her if we did start dating it wouldn't be fair to her since I couldn't put 100 percent into the relationship due to my "baggage".
It's a very shitty feeling to find out that you were just somebody's temp to help them "get over" their feelings from a previous relationship when they're clearly not ready to move on. I'm not exactly a saint either. Back in the day when I was young and foolish, I did the same thing to many unfortunate girls, but I didn't know how hurtful I was being towards them, until it happened to me a few times (karma strikes yet again) then I knew.
I was not about to put this girl through anything like that and after I leveled with her, she was quiet for a couple of seconds and told me that she appreciated me being honest with her and said that she was still interested in hanging out with me.
Whether or not she's being sincere remains to be seen. If not, and I never see her again, that's cool. The worst thing she'll feel is disappointment as opposed to the vindictive bitterness and resentment normally associated with being strung along for a few months as somebody's rebound. My concious is clear.
Plus it lessens the chances of my car getting keyed.
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You told the truth?!?!
ReplyDeleteSay it ain't so!!!
*fainting gracefully*
Hey good for you vinnie! You did the right thing. Nobody deserves to go through that bull shit.
ReplyDeleteMost people are too caught up in their own selfish emotions they don't see let alone realize the consequences for their actions. But you already know that. =)
*Ray*
NO shit. Somebody in another post came up the great idea of people being quarantined after a break up until they're ready to date again so they won't infect other peeps with their rebound bullshit.
ReplyDeleteSounds like what you're doing now, which is very cool of you.
I could name a few dozen people who need to do the same thing.
There ya go! I have faith in you once again!
ReplyDeleteSerious, though. It's a real drag that your "friend" is seeing someone else. I know how much you were into her. She was a definite upgrade from your previous relationship. It surprises me at the lack of drama compared to the crap you went through with whats-her-name. You'll find that special someone some day, kid! ^_^
-CR
J:
ReplyDeleteI know!!! I'm a freak!!
Ray:
Thanks. Yeah, them pesky emotions who screw everything up if you let them get away from ya!
abomination:
Yeah. I guess I am.
CR:
lol! Yeah, there's a total lack of drama because there's no "crap" to be had and I'll tell you why:
1. She was always honest with me.
2. We were never "a couple". Close as we were and despite the mutual attraction, we were friends we had no claim on each other and we were free to date whoever we wanted. So there was no sense of betrayal when she did start dating someone.
3. There was never a time when we didn't know where we stood with each other (communication, trust)
4. She was always honest with me.
5. She's still a great friend.It's amazing how much a little honesty and communication can make things soooo much easier.
So yeah, despite the expected period of the blues, I honestly can't think of a single reason why I should even dislike this woman, therefore there will be no hate filled rants about her in my blog.
I'm sure you'll live.
Hellooooooo! You don't have to lecture me about the whole Honesty, communication, trust thing. I DID go out with year for almost a year! Now why didn't it work out between us again? Oh yeah! I moved away, too! Poor Vince! Seems like you just drive the chicks away! ^_^
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're still friends. You'd be an idiot to let this one go.
-CR
Oh yeah. We did go out. I keep forgetting! =)
ReplyDeleteFunny you should mention that since I used the same process with you after our break up. Of course it took a little longer for obvious reasons.
Don't let it go to your head or nothin'.
As for her, she's still my friend. Although I haven't ruled out the possibility of something more happening between us in the future, I'm not putting my life on hold. I'll meet someone else. Maybe sooner than you think. ;-)
I agree that people should avoid the rebound relationship, but that's sometimes that's easier said than done. I'm guilty of doing the 'temp' relationships in between fights with my xbf. Every time we split I would try to bury my feelings for him with hatred, but sooner or later those feelings would come back and he would be all I could think about. I would leave the 'temp' guy after a couple of months sometimes weeks and go back to the xbf. A few times I would even have feelings for the temp and that made it really hard to go back, but I always did.
ReplyDeleteEventually I came to my senses and saw that the xbf wasn't right for me and now I look back and see all the people I hurt and see that I probably missed out on something great. Is that what you meant by karama striking again?? ;P
-Z
Cool deal. I'm so fucking glad your blue period only lasted a couple of days. I never thought I'd say this, but it was good to hear your goofy, smart ass, disagreeing voice again last night. It's been awhile since I got in a good argument like that (I WON). Reminded me why I dated you in the first place!
ReplyDeleteAs for your little delimma with this latest chick, It's like I told you last night, There's no such thing as 'THE ONE', more like 'ONE OF MANY'. Go get 'em, stud.
There's some words of wisdom for ya.
-Jess
Very mature decision you made. All the men I know would've taken advantage of the girl. Much respect.
ReplyDelete-T
Question: have you dated every female reader of your blog??
ReplyDeleteJudging by how you handled that situation I can see why they stick around.
-K
Z:
ReplyDeleteHoly shit you've got issues! Do you always hook up with someone else whenever you get in a fight with your boyfriend? Are you afraid of being without a man for 10 minutes?? How old are you?? You should've done the mature thing and talked things out with the asshole instead of fucking around with any random guy or just lock yourself in your room until you get over yourself. Now you're feeling sad because you realized you hurt people? Bullshit. You're just regretting not being with the asshole.
I hope KARMA rapes you like a prison bitch!
LOL! I was the black student too!What's up with the term african american? Why not just AMERICANS? most blacks like 99% have never been to or want to ever go to africa (that place is fucked up) yeah political correctness is hurting everyone, especially those it is supposed to help, it just segregates them even more. and imo black history month doesnt help either.
ReplyDelete[...]
Um I think you've commented in the wrong post, dear.
ReplyDeleteAbomination: Good god that was harsh! I am so stealing that prison bitch line!
Vincent, I have a hypothetical for you:
Say a few months from now long after you've gotten over your feelings for your friend she suddenly calls you and says she moving back to be with you. Would you take her back? I know you hate thinking about crap like this, but just humor me! Plus I'm bored. ^_^
-CR
Abomination: Back off! Unless you have been so perfect in your life that you have never hurt anyone through stupidity on your part. But it seems I remember you BASHING your ex on here. And if her asshole was anything like you, there would be no 'talking things out'. All you do is lurk the blogosphere, freely giving immature opinions. Examine yourself first.
ReplyDeleteK: He hasn't dated me.