LIE TO YOUR KIDS!!

mommy smokes crack

I was hanging out with a few friends of mine last night and we were discussing on how we would handle our kids if we caught them doing drugs. One friend in particular said he would feel like kind of a hypocrite telling his kid that it is wrong to do drugs since he liked to smoke the chronic back in the day. I immediately stood up slapped him across the face and said "SO WHAT??"

The LAST thing you wanna do is be honest with your child when it comes to shit like this! You don't EVER tell them under ANY circumstances that you used to do drugs yourself! The little fuckers will use that shit againse you in a heart beat so when they say the inevitable "well YOU did it, too!" after you get on your morale high horse, you're absolutely FUCKED, you've lost all respect from you offspring and you instantly become a joke and YOU'LL get blamed when your kid becomes some whacked out junkie. All because you had to be honest with your fucking kid.

FUCK honesty! I don't care if you're the biggest crack smokin', reefer puffin', coke snortin', pill poppin', smack head on the east coast, you don't EVER tell your fucking kid that! If they ask you if you've ever done any drugs, you look at them straight in the eye and say "HELL NO!!" DRUGS ARE EVIL! I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING AND YOU'D BETTER NOT EITHER!!" See? It's that simple. You keep your position of saintly authority and the little fucker is none the wiser. Just make sure you put away your crack pipe before you give your holier than thou speech.

Bottom line is, sometimes you have to lie to your fucking kid to keep them on the right path. That's what parents do. Don't try to be your kids' "buddy" or "homeboy", be their fucking parent!! Besides, why the FUCK would you tell your kid that you got high back in the day anyway? Shit since you're being so damn honest with the little troll, you may as well tell them how you like to video tape mommy getting gangbanged by radom strangers while you stick a 10 inch dildo up your ass.
There are some things kids just don't need to know!

Another friend of mine chimed in and brought up a good point, by saying you should only tell your kids about your past when they are grown (age 21+). My parents lied to me for years about various things that I'm just finding out recently. I don't hold any grudge or some sense of outrage. In fact I'm grateful to them for it. If I knew then what I know now about them, that would have truly fucked up my childhood somethin' fierce!

That's why when of if I start droppin' kids I'm gonna be the biggest fuckin' liar you ever did see and my children will LOVE me for it!

If they know what's good for them.