Dear God!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

Okay, I'm enjoying Friday night, laying on my bed, full of IHOP goodness and enjoying the nice cool breeze from my window. I had just awakened from a quick nap and was actually prepping myself for a late night work out at the gym, when I get the call.

It was my friend who has been having some boyfriend issues lately and of course I get to hear about it every other day. Anyway, she wasn't bitching as bad that night and in my infinite compassion, I agreed that she could come over and watch a movie together. My IHOP wasn't totally outta my system and I had an hour or two to spare. Why not?



Well the movie was god fucking AWFUL!!! It was something called Boat Trip, starring the annoying Cuba Gooding Jr. and some fat ass nobody. The plot is HILARIOUS (Just to let you know, the previous statement is nothing but pure unadulterated SARCASM.)!

Cuba is heartbroken because he got his punk ass dumped by the woman he loves and his fat ass friend has an idea to help him get over her... A SEA CRUISE!!! Apparently women turn into sluts on the high seas or something. Anyway, through a series of wacky mix-ups they end up on a--get this... A GAY CRUISE!!! HOLY SHIT!! SLAP ME IN THE FACE AND FUCK MY DOG! How fucking brilliant!! Anyway, the two of them begin to act like children and freak out when they see other "dudes' dancing and holding hands and a whole buncha of stereotypical "gay stuff". ANYWAY, Cuba falls in love with the only chick on the cruise, but there's only one problem---SHE THINKS HE'S GAY!!! DAMN!!!! I totally didn't see that one coming! So in order to be with this chick (who is insanely fucking HOT, by the way), he has to---are you ready for this---PRETEND HE'S GAY!!! And all sorts of wacky little queer hijinks ensue.



Shit... I've had more fun picking splinters out of my testicles!



Wish I could say the pain stopped there, but it actually got worse. Apparently my friend had a relapse about her boyfriend drama and took it upon herself to vomit all the juicy, chunky details all over me! I swear the bitch went on for a solid HOUR spouting all this hatred and petty bullshit. AND SHE WAS LOUD AS HELL when she was doing it, too!! Good God, shut your fucking TRAP!!!!

But that was just the cake...here's the icing...then after all that was said and done SHE ACTUALLY COMES ON TO ME! Well, that was the last straw... i told her she had to leave and didn't even bother making a polite excuse.



It was almost 2am when all was said and done. I still decided to work out to burn off the IHOP and to get a little bit of that 3 hours that was so brutally taken away from me.



I had a damn good workout, plus I noticed a cute chick at Wal-mart checking me out. Too bad I smelled too much like ass, to do anything about it, but it was still cool.