The perils of boredom.

I do dangerous things when I'm bored. Dangerous, random, STUPID, unpredictable things that usually cause a lotta pain and misery to myself and those around me.



The most recent of those things was watching a trainwreck of a movie called ELEKTRA.



First of all, the action movie everyone was advertised to see doesn't really happen. There's SOME action at the start... and the finish. The rest was a long, boring fucked up story that was supposed to be sad attempt at character development but thanks to a hollow script and pedestrian acting from the usually "talented" Jennifer Garner, it was all for nothing.

I was never really into Jennifer Garner. Her face looks so weird...she always looks like she's going to cry from some reason, but she looks damn good in red leather! If the camera just centered on her stomach and ass, I MIGHT actually think that this move wasn't a total piece of garbage that sucked 90 minutes from my life like a toothless bus station crack whore giving me a 5 buck back alley "special".... but I digress... ahem.



Where was I? Oh yeah--Elektra's character essentially goes from heartless killing machine to mommy figure within an hour for no good reason! If anyone who has ever read the comics, Elektra is one bad ass, take no prisoners, borderline psychotic killer bitch from hell! This chick is on the rag 24 hours a day, that's how fucking insane she is! The fucked up sweet and nice bastardization they displayed on screen was flat out insulting! Not to mention it totally detracted from the mystery of the character established early on. Her befriending a prodigy child and her father just isn't believable and why she'd stick her neck out for these annoying fuckers prior to knowing their true significance is beyond me. Just let the kid and old dude die! Nobody like kids and old people anyway.



The evil team of martial artists with wacky powers had so much potential and they blew their load in about 20 - 30 minutes total. You at least care about how bad ass these folks look until they're actually in action and then they're made to look stupid. I noticed a disturbing trend in Hollywood recently. They introduce the kick ass, shit in your pants, cry for your mama, thumb sucking scary super villain and in about 10 minutes after their intro, they get killed off like a bitch by the "hero".

Same thing happens here. Just when you think that this guy might actually kick some ass, he gets peaced out before you can finish your damn thought!



The only thing I found even remotely cool about this movie was the character of Stick. They gave that character just enough room to work with and never detracted from the mystery that goes with him. They could probably have done a flick on him and it'd have been vastly superior to this piece of monkey feces!







God... next time I'm that bored again, I'm just going to shove pieces of bamboo up my pee hole. I doubt it would've been half as excrutiating as this movie.