Clarity

I was hanging out with Chaunda over at the Preservation Pub, actually i was walking her to her car from the preservation pub and we were discussing my certain tendancies and she said the most profound thing anyone has ever said to me…she compared me with a rat. A dirty stinkin', smelly, fucking disease ridden rat!



Anyway she went on to say that I was like a rat in those food pellet experiments: The rat was conditioned to push this lever which gave it food. When there a consistant flow of food the rat had a complacecent attitude towards the food since it knew it would always be there. When the lever didn't produce any food, the rat would get bored and move on. However, when the lever gave food at random intervals, the rat became obessed with the lever, furiously scratching at it, hoping that it will get lucky and get a snack. It couldn't walk away because it just couldn't risk missing that little bit of dried out, crunchy stale goodness.



And there it was……my moment of utter clarity. She put it all in perspective. That's EXACTLY what I become when I find myself in situations concerning mixed signals. When the answer is a definite "YES", I'm cool. When it's a definite "NO", I move on. When it's both a "YES" and "NO" or "KINDA" answer, I become that desperate clawing little rat jonsin' for that little piece of nuggety goodness.



And there you have it. Sheeesh!! I think that finally pulled me out of the funk I was in for awhile! How weird!



I never thought I'd be happy being called a fucking rat…