Sunday, December 5, 2004

Unbridled debauchery and.....MOM??!

Okay, I was driving around on a boring Friday night, I ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and she invited me over to her place to shoot the shit and watch some movies.

It started out innocently enough with us catching up on old times and watching movies and the next thing I know it ended up a wild, sweaty, debacherous, no holds barred, no mercy asked or given, exhibition of uninhibited sexual FURY that started on her floor, outside on her patio, inside my car WHILE I was driving (a personal fantasy of mine, but I couldn't find a woman to do it with...until now), outside in the middle of a park, more car sex, back to her place to pick up some "supplies", back to my place, outside on MY patio (after watching Family Guy for a whole 5 minutes), on the floor, in the kitchen, against the wall, in the bedroom, on my computer chair and eventually on the bed itself.



I had 3 months of pent up sexual tension to release and it felt fucking GREAT to expel all that energy throughout the night! I had forgotten how aggressive this woman was and how effective her techniques were. It had been years since I was able to go all out like that and not worry about hurting the girl. Hell, I was afraid that she'd hurt me! Oh yeah! I was finally able to "road test" the special condoms on a LIVE subject!



Anyway, this is where it gets weird. It was around 1am, we were still doing our thing when I get a phone call. I picked up the phone by reflex, thinking a call this late could only mean a family emergency or something bad.

Well.... it was my MOTHER. She was okay, but she had called to let me know that my cousins that I haven't' seen in 15 years had just popped in from their trip to Vegas and she was going on and on about all the fun they were having and such.

Meanwhile, I'm behind and STILL inside a beautiful, naked and handcuffed woman who is trying her best not to laugh while I struggled to carry on a conversation with my mom.

I felt so awful... my mom may as well have walked in on us, that's how awkward it was!



Well needless to say, I turned down the invitation and just cracked up with my friend for a whole 10 minutes. I'm STILL not sure that actually happened!



But anyway, the next morning we discussed our situation and agreed it would be a one time thing since she's actually interested in starting something real with a guy she's been talking to, but hasn't done anything with yet and I wasn't interested in any kind of committed relationship, so it worked out perfectly: no confusion, no mixed signals, no drama. Just a pure and simple exercise in depravity. I'm good for another 3 months.



The only trade offs were two destroyed apartments, some bruising, I ran out of "special" condoms and it was hard looking my mother in the eye when I went xmas shopping with her.

28 comments:

  1. Holy SHIT! Looks like somebody is over the ex!

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  2. LOL! I can't believe that happened to you!! I don't know what I would've done!
    Btw, how the HELL did you guys fuck while driving?!!

    -M

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  3. WoW. Damn! and you're telling me your ex dumped you???! Is she retarded or something?!! Damn.

    -T

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  4. Dude, don't get offened or anything, but was your ex boring in bed? Judging by the sheer intensity you went at it with this girl, it seemed like you were fufilling a lotta needs at once and you seemed REALLY happy that she was willing to fufill them with you.

    Did your ex do any of that with you or did she just lay there? You're better off if she did.

    Your mom calling was creepy AND funny at the same time!

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  5. YAY! With all the girlfriend drama you've been through, you deserve to have some FUN! Good for you! I've always been impressed with how quickly you recover from a break up, no matter how messy.

    I'd be bitter as hell, personally!

    *Ray*

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  6. ROFL!! Damn! Nothing like a all night fuck-a-thon to get over the old gf!
    Good job!!

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  7. i hope you paced yourselves! I'm glad you were able to move on with your life. I know a lotta guys who mope around for months about their old girlfriends and don't even try to meet new women. PATHETIC! Good to see you don't have that problem!
    -JC

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  8. u don't have any vids do you? j/k


    How r things with the x anyway? u still keep in touch or is she gone completely?

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  9. LOL! This chick has ruined sex for you! I don't know how anyone else could compare after this! You may as well retire!

    Did you mom sense anything at all??

    Too fuckin funny!!

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  10. First the wild night in Nashville and now this... is it safe to say that you've entered PHASE3??

    I hope I got that right! lol

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  11. Just what kinda 'supplies' did you guys pick up??
    Let's see:
    bondage
    public sex
    sex in a car
    sex in a car WHILE driving
    S&M
    did she wear a school girl outfit by any chance?? haha

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  12. LIVE subject? Then what have you been testing them on for the past three months?! Watch your language. ;)

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  13. LOL! I think he meant he was finally able to test them on an ACTUAL person instead of on himself. At least that's what said in another post

    I'm still laughing over the mom calling! 2 much!

    -El

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  14. I have to agree with everyone else in saying WHAT THE HELL WAS YOUR EX THINKING dumping you like that???? I would kill for half that action!

    -angel- ^_-

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  15. Jeebus! I find it hard to believe that your gf would leave you if you were having sex with her like that!
    Did you not think she was worth the effort? If so, why did you waste your time with her???

    -D

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  16. And the comments we talked about continue. Gotta love 'em. :)
    I'm tempted to say something else, but I'll keep my trap shut.

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  17. I can't even get my man to try more than two positions! I hope the guy your ex left you for is worth it.

    -Zoe

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  18. Oh come on. A relationship isn't ALL about sex. I've got to admit though... if I had a lover like you, I'd definitely keep you around for awhile! ;-)

    -SW

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  19. RoFl! This reminds me when I broke up with my 'ol lady. I was feelin' low as hell until I hooked up with this FINE piece of ass!
    I couldn't even remember my X's name after that!
    Way to go man!

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  20. Sounds like you had a *lot* to get outta yor system. Your old gf wasn't takin care of bizzness huh?

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  21. OMG! that's right! she sux! rofl kthnxbai!!!11

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  22. Ok, that was just stoopid.

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  23. Some of these comments crack me the fuck up!!

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  24. Rock ON! That's some cool freaky shit!!
    -JW

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  25. HAHA! THE COMMENTS ARE AS FUNNY AS THE POST! U GOT PWND BY YOUR MOM!! LOLZ!!11

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  26. mark, that is nasty!!!
    i'm telling mom about this!!!

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